17 Wonder Women Who Accomplished The Impossible: Remaining Classy After La Mordida
If you have ever invited a non-Latino friend to a birthday party, there are a few warning you have to give. Unos consejitos, as they say. First, your gringo friend has to realize that some folk get very competitive when bashing a piñata, and some mild violence may occur (if your friend falls on the right end of the political spectrum, you might need to warn him that said piñata might be shaped like the current POTUS). You also have to give fair warning on abuelita tactics: your abue will try to overfeed your invitado, in a show of pure Latino hospitality.
But perhaps the most out-there costumbres that nuestra gente have revolve around the birthday cake. When the cake arrives, your primas might take off their rings and place them gently around the candles, a ritual that is supposed to bring good luck. But the queen of all costumbres is the classic Mordida. Your convo with your guest might go something like this: “Look, before everyone has a slice of cake, the birthday girl will be pushed onto the cake and will end up all covered in icing”. The guest will look at you con cara de WHAT. You will continue: “Yes, a hair or two might fall on the cake, in which case you ignore it. Some lipstick might remain on the icing. In which case you also ignore it. And if the person does not want to do La Mordida, then someone will push their face. We will know it is coming
When people start singing Mordida, mordida, mordida, clapping feverishly”.
Most of the times, the birthday girl ends up looking like this:
However, there are true female warriors and defenders del buen estilo that have managed to remain classy during and after the pinche Mordida. This is a considerable feat, considering the stickiness and general mess involved in a merengue-rich Mexican pasteleria style cake.
Here are some of these wonder women of all ages!
This little princess and her mami, who have mastered the art of mess-free Mordida
Look at the immaculate hair fascinator sported by this tiny princes del cumple. Her mom has the football grab nailed down to allow for a tiny besito on that Little Pony masterpiece. The cake remains almost intact, and so does her style.
Twinkle and bite, little star
This chamaquita is doing the bare minimum so her cake doesn’t get all guacala and she can keep her face and her hair intact. Respect.
Look at this balancing act!
So let us get this straight: this mom is carrying a baby while someone holds a cake and she is still giving Kate Middleton vibes while pecking the cake. Double…. triple respect!
Rosa nada salvaje
The perfect distance for the deed: far enough so they can’t push you, but close enough to barely touch the icing. The pink dress will remain untouched. Great technique, reina!
La Sirenita preciosa
This other little one did not let the cake ruin her Ariel outfit. She kept the merengue pretty contained to one area of her face, the area that can then be cleaned by kissing mom. What a perfect Mordida blueprint.
The best way to prevent a mordida: look menacing
We can’t get over this little girl’s face and her dad’s contemplative gaze. He knows that he is in BIG trouble if the Mordida is even thought of! Her face is so gangster and cute at the same time.
It is all about the hair
This girl turned 25, an age in which el qué dirán can be pretty brutal. So just like any long-haired person knows if they have had a bit too much to drink and need to, well, to throw up, the key to keeping your dignity is to meticulously hold your hair. Sore Castillo did it in an understated, yet effective way.
This blast from the past that shows no mess
When browsing through old photo albums get rid of all evidence of a Mordida ever happening. This is what user @febev did, instead of posting a before-Mordida shot on her Insta. It is better not to show the aftermath of the sugary apocalypse.
If only life was like stock photography!
Stock photos have given us some fantastic memes. They show ridiculous and super fake situations. Just look at this elegant lady about to take a Mordida on the cake. Sure, we all celebrate with our loved ones still holding their perfectly wrapped presents while a pristine cake is about to be a victim of the infamous tradition.
The queen of Mexican pop Thalia is class personified, even giving a Mordida
We mean, is she even real? How can someone’s smile look so radiant after having had their face smashed into a sweet decadent delight?
Mordida in the age of Instagram?
That’s why we can’t have nice things. The Mordida has been gentrified! Yes, non-Latinos are now embarrandose cake all over the face and posting glam shots. Look at these three: cultural appropriation much?
Don’t give me gato por liebre: that #adultcakesmash thing is La Mordida!
There is now a trend of women turning 30 and organizing a photo shoot while doing a Cake Smash, which is gringo for La Mordida. To be honest, Tonya here looks super cute doing it, so we give her a pass. No sean criticones.
That cake is a true fashion statement!
We can’t get over this girl’s amazing smile. She seems unbothered by the fact that her whole face is covered in artificial food coloring. We are sure, however, that Lady Gaga would love this look and perhaps incorporate it in one of her outlandish shows.
No pushing, porfavorcito
We love this little one’s determination. If the damn Mordida is gonna happen, it will be on her terms. By the way, that giant Oreo cake is cool as, o no?
Never too young to learn
This bebita who must be around four or five months old is, however, already well versed in the art of ladylike Mordidas. Wisdom travels from generation to generation.
When Salma was classy but Jimmy Kimmel got smashed
Salma Hayek is the epitome if Mexican class, so when she visited Jimmy Kimmel she didn’t lose her cool…. whole smashing Jimmy’s face straight into a cake. Only she can pull this off and ser elegante.
Dos pueden more than one
Double trouble or how to give a double mordida and look cute while doing it.