Culture

17 Wonder Women Who Accomplished The Impossible: Remaining Classy After La Mordida

If you have ever invited a non-Latino friend to a birthday party, there are a few warning you have to give. Unos consejitos, as they say. First, your gringo friend has to realize that some folk get very competitive when bashing a piñata, and some mild violence may occur (if your friend falls on the right end of the political spectrum, you might need to warn him that said piñata might be shaped like the current POTUS). You also have to give fair warning on abuelita tactics: your abue will try to overfeed your invitado, in a show of pure Latino hospitality. 

But perhaps the most out-there costumbres that nuestra gente have revolve around the birthday cake. When the cake arrives, your primas might take off their rings and place them gently around the candles, a ritual that is supposed to bring good luck. But the queen of all costumbres is the classic Mordida. Your convo with your guest might go something like this: “Look, before everyone has a slice of cake, the birthday girl will be pushed onto the cake and will end up all covered in icing”. The guest will look at you con cara de WHAT. You will continue: “Yes, a hair or two might fall on the cake, in which case you ignore it. Some lipstick might remain on the icing. In which case you also ignore it. And if the person does not want to do La Mordida, then someone will push their face. We will know it is coming

When people start singing Mordida, mordida, mordida, clapping feverishly”. 

Most of the times, the birthday girl ends up looking like this: 

Credit: Instagram. @mveronicaz15

However, there are true female warriors and defenders del buen estilo that have managed to remain classy during and after the pinche Mordida. This is a considerable feat, considering the stickiness and general mess involved in a merengue-rich Mexican pasteleria style cake. 

Here are some of these wonder women of all ages! 

This little princess and her mami, who have mastered the art of mess-free Mordida

Credit: Instagram. @gringonaldo_cajun

Look at the immaculate hair fascinator sported by this tiny princes del cumple. Her mom has the football grab nailed down to allow for a tiny besito on that Little Pony masterpiece. The cake remains almost intact, and so does her style. 

Twinkle and bite, little star

Credit: 58769517_140171377106405_1636695043357940306_n. Digital image. Gallery of Social. 

This chamaquita is doing the bare minimum so her cake doesn’t get all guacala and she can keep her face and her hair intact. Respect. 

Look at this balancing act!

Credit: cake_mom_with_baby_son_with_mom_boy_mom_kid_with_mom_holiday_cake_bites-554619. Digital image. PX Here

So let us get this straight: this mom is carrying a baby while someone holds a cake and she is still giving Kate Middleton vibes while pecking the cake. Double…. triple respect!

Rosa nada salvaje

Credit: 53279575_332503280716551_4751465791518250203_n. Digital image. Instarix.net
Credit: images (2). Digital image. BuenMP3

The perfect distance for the deed: far enough so they can’t push you, but close enough to barely touch the icing. The pink dress will remain untouched. Great technique, reina

La Sirenita preciosa

Credit: Instagram. @snlb21

This other little one did not let the cake ruin her Ariel outfit. She kept the merengue pretty contained to one area of her face, the area that can then be cleaned by kissing mom. What a perfect Mordida blueprint. 

The best way to prevent a mordida: look menacing

Credit: Instagram. @lilchubmonkey

We can’t get over this little girl’s face and her dad’s contemplative gaze. He knows that he is in BIG trouble if the Mordida is even thought of! Her face is so gangster and cute at the same time. 

It is all about the hair

Credit: Instagram. @sorecastillo89

This girl turned 25, an age in which el qué dirán can be pretty brutal. So just like any long-haired person knows if they have had a bit too much to drink and need to, well, to throw up, the key to keeping your dignity is to meticulously hold your hair. Sore Castillo did it in an understated, yet effective way. 

This blast from the past that shows no mess

Credit: Instagram. @febev

When browsing through old photo albums get rid of all evidence of a Mordida ever happening. This is what user @febev did, instead of posting a before-Mordida shot on her Insta. It is better not to show the aftermath of the sugary apocalypse. 

If only life was like stock photography!

Credit: depositphotos_170233840-stock-photo-woman-biting-birthday-cake.jpg. Digital image. Depositphotos

Stock photos have given us some fantastic memes. They show ridiculous and super fake situations. Just look at this elegant lady about to take a Mordida on the cake. Sure, we all celebrate with our loved ones still holding their perfectly wrapped presents while a pristine cake is about to be a victim of the infamous tradition. 

The queen of Mexican pop Thalia is class personified, even giving a Mordida

Credit: thalia-pastel-mordida-1—a. Digital image. Hola Mexico
Credit: Credit: thalia-pastel-mordida-1—a. Digital image. Hola Mexico. Digital image. Hola Mexico

We mean, is she even real? How can someone’s smile look so radiant after having had their face smashed into a sweet decadent delight?

Mordida in the age of Instagram?

Credit: embarrar-pastel-cara-tendencia-redes-sociales_cover. Digital image. PM Canal 5

That’s why we can’t have nice things. The Mordida has been gentrified! Yes, non-Latinos are now embarrandose cake all over the face and posting glam shots. Look at these three: cultural appropriation much?

Don’t give me gato por liebre: that #adultcakesmash thing is La Mordida!

Credit: Instagram. @tonyaphipps22

There is now a trend of women turning 30 and organizing a photo shoot while doing a Cake Smash, which is gringo for La Mordida. To be honest, Tonya here looks super cute doing it, so we give her a pass. No sean criticones

That cake is a true fashion statement!

Credit: fotos 247. Digital image. La camara y el tlacuache

We can’t get over this girl’s amazing smile. She seems unbothered by the fact that her whole face is covered in artificial food coloring. We are sure, however, that Lady Gaga would love this look and perhaps incorporate it in one of her outlandish shows. 

No pushing, porfavorcito

Credit: 10523584_521191348014907_1197145469_n. Digital image. Deskgram

We love this little one’s determination. If the damn Mordida is gonna happen, it will be on her terms. By the way, that giant Oreo cake is cool as, o no?

Never too young to learn

Credit: 54447139_2245292365736559_799266132714657876_n. Digital image. Pic of Year.

This bebita who must be around four or five months old is, however, already well versed in the art of ladylike Mordidas. Wisdom travels from generation to generation. 

When Salma was classy but Jimmy Kimmel got smashed

Credit: salma-jimmy–z. Digital image. Hola Mexico.

Salma Hayek is the epitome if Mexican class, so when she visited Jimmy Kimmel she didn’t lose her cool…. whole smashing Jimmy’s face straight into a cake. Only she can pull this off and ser elegante

Dos pueden more than one

Credit: 53279575_332503280716551_4751465791518250203_n. Digital image. Instarix.net

Double trouble or how to give a double mordida and look cute while doing it.  

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From TV-less Weekdays To Cereal Bowls, People Are Sharing The Strangest House Rules

Culture

From TV-less Weekdays To Cereal Bowls, People Are Sharing The Strangest House Rules

James Leynse / Getty

If you’ve ever spent the night at someone else’s home, you know that there are people in the world who have house rules that can be very different from your own. From rules about drinking all of your milk cereal to not raising the volume of the television to a hearable level, different households have them all. Now, some of these crazy house rules are being shared in the comments section of an AskReddit. Not only are some of the stories and rules shared wild, some are also even a little sickening.

Check them out below!

“I had a friend who instead of washing the dishes after a meal just put them straight back in the cupboard. I thought his parents would freak out but it turns out it was just something they did in their house. Whenever I went over I always made sure to eat beforehand.” Reddit User

“Family who babysat me when I was young had a rule of “no drinking during meals” and I don’t just mean soda, juice or milk, no water until your meal is done. This was insane to me because we would be called in to supper/lunch after playing outside in the summer and weren’t allowed to drink anything until we sat down and finished our plates. Also, this rule didn’t apply to the father of the family who would often drink beer during meals.

My great-aunt had a parlor room in which all the furniture was covered in plastic and never used, it also had a plastic walkway going through the middle (just a strip of plastic cover) which was the only path you could walk on (she would flip out if you touched carpet).” –Random_White_Guy

“I wasn’t allowed to put extra salt on my food, had to be in bed by 8pm (all the way through middle school), and had to ride my bike to school everyday even though my best friends parents offered to take me.” –willwhit87

“No fighting over the heel of the bread. The father once off hand told his oldest children that the heel of a loaf of bread was the best and made them want it instead of the regular pieces. By the time there were 4 kids sometimes fist fights would break out over the heels. Loaves had been opened on both sides, or loaves were a mess because someone reached through the sack and pulled the back heel out. For a while there was a turn system where the heels were promised to a child for each loaf, but that fell apart when one went to summer camp and lost their turn. One time my friend wasted an afternoon waiting for his mother to come home with a fresh loaf of bread instead of going out and playing. I witnessed fist fights over the bread most people throw away.” –DarrenEdwards

“In college I had a friend that lived with his grandparents when he went to school. Before they’d let him leave the house his grandmother would say ‘nothing good happens after midnight’ and he would have to repeat it. If I was there, I would also have to repeat the phrase.” –iownalaptop

“I slept over a friends house in grade school one time. He prepared us a bowl of cereal the next morning for breakfast. Not thinking ANYTHING of my behavior, I didn’t finish the milk. I just never used to. I don’t know.

He was like “You uh…gonna finish that?”

“Uhhh oh…I uh…I don’t think so? Does that matter?”

He panicked. Absolutely panicked. I think he put it down the toilet before his parents came back into the room.

I don’t know what the rule was, exactly, but FINISH YOUR MILK OR DIE would be my guess based on his reaction. I still feel bad about it. I was like 8 and didn’t think.” –soomuchcoffee

“When I was a kid. I spent the night at one of my friends house. And you were allowed to drink a soda like sprite before bed. But you had to stir it till all the carbonation was gone.. Don’t ask me why…” –newvictim

“I had a friend in middle school, and his dad worked for Pepsi. No one was allowed to bring any Coke products into the house. The first time I went there his mom told me I could not come in the house because I had a Dr. Pepper. I thought she was joking and tried to walk in, but stopped me and said that if I don’t throw that in the garbage outside that I would have to leave. They were fucking serious about that shit.” – SlowRunner

“During college years, I used to visit my friend during summer months at his parents’ house, where he lived at that time. They had two odd “house rules” I’ll never forget:

  1. We couldn’t open any window in the house (even the bathroom window) – ever! Even if it was far cooler outside than inside during the summer.
  2. We weren’t allowed to close our bedroom doors at night, so that his parents’ cat could have free access to all rooms at all times. (This made it difficult to sleep, without a breath of air from the windows, and the cat walking over us in bed while trying to sleep.)” –Back2Bach

“I knew this family that would share the same bathwater as a means to cut down on their water bill. So when one person took a bath, they ALL took a bath that day. The waiting list was about 4-5 people deep. From what I understand, a lot of families do this, however, I just couldn’t see myself washing off in someone else’s soapy leftovers =( If that were the case, I got first dibs on getting in the bathtub first lol”- __femme_fatale__

“My ex’s family would throw all their left over food over their balconey instead of putting in the trash can. I asked them why they did that, they replied it keeps bugs away……..and didnt think rotted food right outside their door would bring bugs.” –PimemtoCheese

“I had a friend whose mom required her to sit on the floor. Never a chair, couch, bed, or other piece of furniture. I went to her house once and sat down on her bed and she flipped out, made me get off it and spent several minutes smoothing the sheets to make it look flat again. I think her mom thought “kids are dirty” but the rule was in place even after bathing and wearing clean.” –knitasha

“Went over to a school-mates’s house for dinner when I was in elementary school…his mom cut everyone’s good into little tiny bites before giving you the plate and only let us eat with a spoon… Her oldest daughter apparently choked on something once when she was a teenager and it became a rule…even on hamburger and hotdog night.” –GRZMNKY

“I was doing a project with a classmate at her house and on our way to her house we stopped at a store and picked up some snacks. We did our schoolwork and then just kind of played and messed around while eating those snacks. Then her mom came home and lost her absolute shit about the snacks. It wasn’t so much that we had eaten them, it was because the snacks had crumbs that had contaminated their otherwise purified home.

My friend had to stop everything and vacuum the entire house to get every crumb of snack, then take the nearly empty vacuum bag, the empty snack bags, and the half-empty but “contaminated” bag of kitchen trash outside and ask one of the neighbors if she could put it in their garbage bin because not a crumb of that kind of food was allowed on the property in any form after sunset. My mom picked me up and as I was leaving they were doing some additional purification ritual and my friend was praying for forgiveness for having potentially defiled their home.

Turns out they were 7th Day Adventist and it was against their code or whatever to have leavened foods in their house/property during a certain period of time? I don’t remember the exact details, but I remember it was a pretty big thing about how every crumb had to be removed from the property ASAP.” – alexa-488

“My neighborhood friend and I would hang out almost every day of the summer. We would go out exploring in the woods with a bunch of our friends and would usually come back all muddy and tired. My friend was very nice and would offer me water and food. His parents would take those away from me if they saw me with them saying they were only for their children. He was always allowed to eat at our house yet I’d have to walk back if they started having any type of meal. The worst though was his next door neighbor who had a daughter our age and when we were hanging out we all got muddy (we were 10) the girls mom proceeded to take her daughter and my friend into her house to clean them up and told me I wasn’t allowed to enter and that I could use the hose. Some people just know how to ruin a kid’s self esteem.” –boomsloth

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Yes, Someone Created An Actual Honest To God 108-Foot Vulva Statue In Brazil

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Yes, Someone Created An Actual Honest To God 108-Foot Vulva Statue In Brazil

BUDA MENDES / GETTY IMAGES

There’s no denying the fact that the female form, and it’s bits, in particular, have inspired artwork the world over. Tarsila do Amaral was inspired by it. Frida Kahlo and artists like Zilia Sánchez and Marta Minujín too. Women’s bodies are inspired and so they inspire. Still, a recent unveiling of vulva artwork has become so controversial and made people so besides themselves that it seems many have forgotten these truths about our bodies.

Over the weekend, Brazilian visual artist Juliana Notari revealed her latest sculptureDiva, on a hillside at Usina del Arte. The art park is located in the Brazilian state of Pernambuco and is described by Notari as “a massive vulva / wound excavation.”

The massive sculpture created on the hillside located in northeastern Brazil features a bright pink vulva and has fueled what is being described as a cultural war.

Notari created Diva, a colorful 108-foot concrete and resin sculpture on the site of a former sugar mill. The mill was converted into an open-air museum in Pernambuco state. Last week, when Notari debuted the installation she revealed it was meant to depict both a vulva and a wound while questioning the relationship between nature and culture in a “phallocentric and anthropocentric society.”

“These issues have become increasingly urgent today,” Notari wrote in a post shared to her Facebook page which was shared alongside a series of photos of the sculpture. According to NBC, it took a team of 20 artisans 11 months to build the entire concept.

No surprise, the piece of art sparked a wave of controversy on social media, with critics and supports debating its message and significance.

Over 25,000 users have commented on Notari’s Facebook post so far including leftists and conservatives. On the far-right, supporters of President Jair Bolsonaro have also been vocal about their views of the product.

“With all due respect, I did not like it. Imagine me walking with my young daughters in this park and them asking … Daddy, what is this? What will I answer?” one user wrote in the Facebook section of the post.

“With all due respect, you can teach your daughters not to be ashamed of their own genitals,” a woman replied.

Olavo de Carvalho, an advisor to Bolsonaro, vulgarly criticized the piece on Twitter.

Notari, whose previous work has been displayed at various galleries explained on her Facebook page that she created the piece to comment on gender issues in general.

“In Diva, I use art to dialogue with…gender issues from a female perspective combined with a cosmopocentric and anthropocentric western society,” Notari shared on her post to Facebook. “Currently these issues have become increasingly urgent. After all, it is by changing perspective of our relationship between humans and nonhuman, that will allow us to live longer on that planet and in a less unequal and catastrophic society.”

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