Entertainment

These Movies Are Perfect For The Telenovela Fans Who Are Obsessed With The Characters

Telenovelas, culebrones, comedias… however you might call them, televised episodic melodrama is an important cultural industry in all of Latin America and among the huge Spanish-speaking and bilingual communities in the United States.

Telenovelas often involve a central story of love filled with obstacles and intrigues. The two main characters usually come from very different socioeconomic origins. All of this is spiced up with romantic triangles and often with secret identities… And of course steamy kisses and slaps, lots of head-turning slaps!

Central to the success of a telenovela are legendary characters that have no shades of gray: they are either too good or the meanest SOBs on Earth. If you love to love or love to hate some of these characters, you will enjoy some of these  movies.

1. If you love to hate Soraya from Maria la del Barrio… 

Credit: Maria la del Barrio. Televisa

The best villain of all time and now a worldwide famous meme. She was bitchy and evil. And incredibly funny. 

You will like: Ursula in The Little Mermaid

 

Credit: The Little Mermaid. Disney.


She is ruthless in her evil ways and is just so dismissive and has zero political correctness. You will enjoy hating her! 

2. If you love to love Maestra Jimena from Carrusel

Credit: Carrusel. Televisa.


We have all fantasized with having an understanding and amazing teacher like her…. she was equally tough and caring.

You will like: Louanne Johnson in Dangerous Minds

Credit: Dangerous Minds. Hollywood Pictures.


Michelle Pfeiffer plays an ex-Marine who teaches literature at a rough high-school and gets the kids straightened up and motivated. You go, girl.

3. If you love to hate Catalina Creel from Cuna de lobos

Credit: Cuna de lobos. Televisa.


She was evil beyond belief and didn’t hesitate to kill even family members in her journey to total power and vengeance. 

You will like: Cruella de Vil in 101 Dalmatians

Credit: 101 Dalmatians. Disney.


She wanted to make a coat out of puppy fur… let that sink in. Point made. 

4. If you love to love Juan Del Diablo from Corazón Salvaje

Credit: Corazón Salvaje. Televisa.


The late Eduardo Palomo played a sexy and cheeky pirate in this classic period telenovela about a love triangle in the Mexican beachside.

You will like: Dr. Peter Blood in Captain Blood

Credit: Captain Blood. Warner Bros.


Errol Flynn plays a savvy and adventurous captain in this 1935 Hollywood classic!

5. If you love to love Marimar from Marimar 

Credit: Giphy. Anonymous.

Of all the Maria characters that Thalia played in the 1990s, Marimar is the most adorable: a girl who grows up in the beach, with sun-kissed skin and a killer smile. 

You will like: Amelie in Amelie 

Credit: Amelie. Miramax.


Our favorite naive French coqueta. She is as shiny and cute as Marimar, and just as secretly cheeky. 

6. If you love to love Tanya and Ana Maria from Dos mujeres un camino

Credit: Dos mujeres in camino. Televisa.


Bibi Gaytán and Laura León play a couple of women, the lover and the wife, who are in love with the same man. They don’t really hate each other, which makes for an interesting and different plot.

You will like: Vicky and Maria Elena in Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Credit: Vicky Cristina Barcelona. MediaPro.


Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz play a couple of free spirits who are both in love with a Spanish bon vivant painter. 

7. If you love to hate Aurelio Casillas from El señor de los cielos

Credit: El señor de los cielosTelemundo.


Based on the real kingpin Amado Carrillo Fuentes. This character is so charming he makes us forget about his evil wrongdoings and the pain he brings to thousands of people affected by drug violence. 

You will like: Tony Montana in Scarface.

Credit: Scarface. Warner Bros.

Al Pacino plays this character to perfection. Montana is a violent and powerful drug dealer who thinks he is above the law and anything else.

8. If you love to love Betty from Yo soy Betty, la fea

Credit:Yo soy Betty, la fea. RCN.

Dozens of versions of this Colombian telenovela have been made, which talks about the appeal of the archetypical story of a woman who blossoms after falling in love. However, it is problematic in terms of how it deals with body image issues.

You will like: Gracie in Miss Congeniality 

Credit: Miss Congeniality. Castle Rock Entertainment.


Sandra Bullock plays an FBI agent who finds her inner femininity by participating in a beauty contest. She is so damn funny and so damn cute! 

9. If you love to love Fernando Mendiola Saénz in La fea más bella

Credit: La fea más bella. Televisa.


Jaime Camil played Betty’s romantic counterpart and boss to the dot in the Mexican version. This might be the role that got him a job in Jane the Virgin as Rogelio De la Vega!

You will like: Professor Henry Higgings in My Fair Lady

Credit: My Fair Lady. Warner Bros.


The archetypical character of a high class man who finds the beauty and intelligence in a lower class woman. Kind of sexist, but a bit charming. 

10. If you love to hate Rubí Pérez Ochoa in Rubí

Credit: Rubí. Televisa.


Deliciously played by Bárbara Mori, Rubí is a complex character that has a poor background, but hangs out with the rich kids thanks to her hardworking sister who puts her through a private university. She is de cuidado!

You will like: Marquise de Merteuil in Dangerous Liasons 

Credit: Dangerous Liasons. Lorimar Film Entertainment.


Glen Close plays a socialite who knows how to wreak havoc among the rich and beautiful, just like Rubí. Aguas con ella!

11. If you love to hate Rodrigo Montalvo Santos from Destilando amor

Credit: Destilando amor. Televisa


The typical rich jerk who goes overseas and promises his poor girlfriend to come back. Sorpresa! He doesn’t.

You will like: Tony Stark from the Iron Man franchise

Credit: Iron Man. Marvel Studios.


He is the rich heir who just teases his romantic interests (his assistant in this case) but never fully commits. Que pase el desgraciado!

12. If you love to love Gaviota from Café, con aroma de mujer

Credit: Café, con aroma de mujer. RCN.


This Colombian culebrón on which the Mexican Destilando amor is based. Instead of agave plants the rich family harvests coffee. The female lead is a young and passionate woman who falls ill of love. Saquen los kleenex. 

You will like: The girl in The Lover

Credit: The Lover. Film A2.


In colonial Indochine (now Vietnam) a young woman falls in love with a rich businessman and starts a torrid romance. Steamy as it gets. We never get to know the characters´names. 

13. If you love to love María Inés Domínguez de Sanmillán from Mirada de mujer. 

Credit: Mirada de mujerAzteca Trece.


This telenovela broke with a taboo in Mexican society. It showed a love affair between a middle-aged woman and a younger lover, played by Ari Telch (think Mexican Tom Selleck).

You will like: Liz Gilbert in Eat Pray Love

Credit: Eat Pray Love. Columbia Pictures.


Julia Roberts played the main character beautifully, helping millions of women believe that it is not only men who are entitled to change their life.

Gwyneth Paltrow Dropped A ‘Vagina’ Scented Candle—Apparently Her Eau De Vagine Smells Like Bergamot And Geranium

Entertainment

Gwyneth Paltrow Dropped A ‘Vagina’ Scented Candle—Apparently Her Eau De Vagine Smells Like Bergamot And Geranium

gwynethpaltrow / Twitter

Professional actress-turned-businesswoman Gwyneth Paltrow released an already sold out candlelast Friday, playfully named “This Smells Like My Vagina”. While it’s nice to see lady parts getting good press, we have a few questions about the $75 candle —the main one being “why though?”

Gwyneth Paltrow has made a strong business out of her vagina.

 The actress-turned-wellness-guru —through her platform Goop – introduced us to the concept of vaginal steaming, jade vaginal eggs and, of course, the elusive sex dust moon juice. Now, to start 2020 on a high vaginal note, we have the vagina candle, which has already sold-out, prompting a waitlist.

The $75 item contains traditional perfume elements “to put us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth,” the product copy reads.

The notes of the candle include geranium, citrusy bergamot, cedar, Damask rose, and ambrette seed. The blend is meant to amount to the aroma of the actress’ very rich and powerful vag. Additionally, Goop describes it as “a funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent.” 

We’re not sure if the name is meant to be a joke, or if the candle actually smells like lady parts 

According to a previous Goop description, the provocative name came from a joke between perfumer Douglas Little and Paltrow. The two were testing a fragrance one day when she declared, “Uhhh, this smells like a vagina.” The bouquet evolved into a “funny, gorgeous, sexyand beautifully unexpected scent.”

Let us not forget that Paltrow’s vagina products have landed the businesswoman in hot water before

In September 2019, Goop paid a $145,000 settlement in a lawsuit over vaginal eggs. The website had made unproven claims that the Jade Egg and the Rose Quartz Egg, could “balance hormones, regulate menstrual cycles, prevent uterine prolapse, and increase bladder control,” said the Orange County District Attorney’s office in California. Not so, said the California Food, Drug and Medical Device Task Force, who argued that Goop’s assertion wasn’t based on scientific evidence.

Like many other products sold on Goop’s website, the 10.5-ounce hooha-inspired candle is relatively overpriced, ringing up at $75. 

But alas, that hasn’t stopped a flurry of curious online shoppers from snagging one in hopes of gleaning feelings of “fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth,” as the product description promises. 

Unsurprisingly, the internet nearly broke when the news about this candle broke. Keep reading for some of Twitter’s funniest reactions.

You all need a time-out indeed.

The future is now, folks

Who would’ve thought this would be what 2020 had in store for us. 

Jenny here, sure knows how to crack a vajayjay joke

Ouch…burrrn

And then, ‘The Rock’ got involved —yup, you read that right. 

Given that this is evidently the nature of the times we’re living in, whether we like it or not, comedian Adam Ray suggested on Instagram that The Yankee Candle Company should get in on the action by selling candles that smell of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson‘s balls.

Responding to the post, the wrestler-turned-actor joked that he had tried to create such a product in the past, but it hadn’t quite gone to plan.

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Pantene could never. #CommentsByCelebs

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He wrote: “Brother I tried to make those candles but I kept burning my balls. So I moved on to shampoo.” Now there’s an image for us all to enjoy. He also added the hashtag ‘#scentofsac’, which I think really adds a certain something to the story.

The candle is a collaboration with Heretic, a perfume company that has revolutionised fragrance with their chemical-free, androgynous products.

“We sit on the floor and geek out on fragrance,” Paltrow shared of the collaboration. 

‘This Smells Like my Vagina’ is a nice little pre-game for the absurdity that is coming.

Surely, the viral and much-talked-about candle has something to do with Gwyneth’s new Netflix docu-series, The Goop Lab. The show will delve deep into the actresses surreal world of yoni eggs and unorthodox wellness practices. Set to premiere on Netflix on January 24th, we can’t help to suspect whether or not this candle is a great marketing stunt to create a buzz around Gwen’s brand. 

As a self-confessed Goop tragic, I think that everything that the website, and Gwyneth does is a comedy goldmine. You could lock all the SNL alumni in a room and they’d never come up with things as bone-shatteringly funny as the Goop shop and newsletters, case in point, this title; ‘Inbox sage for the digital age.’ —no joke. I hope that Gwyneth never stops. I hope that she keeps promoting crazy health teas and rose quartz dildos until her final days.

As If The Surreal Movie Adaptation Of ‘Cats’ Wasn’t Trippy Enough, People Are Watching It High And Omg The Reactions

Entertainment

As If The Surreal Movie Adaptation Of ‘Cats’ Wasn’t Trippy Enough, People Are Watching It High And Omg The Reactions

Cats / Amblin Entertainment

From what reviewers and audiences have been saying about Cats, the surreal nature of the movie probably doesn’t need to be enhanced by adding psychedelic drugs. However, that didn’t stop adventurous moviegoers from sampling their drug of choice before sitting through the weird musical —to make the experience even weirder.

For most people, “Cats” is unnerving enough sober.

It tells the story of a group of singing, dancing alley cats who compete for the chance to go to the Heaviside Layer, a metaphor for death and rebirth into the next of their nine lives. Critics have described the movie adaptation as a feverish drug dream, a bad trip. It is expected to lose as much as $100 million, according to Variety. The budget, mind you, was more than $95 million, all going to a rushed production that found the film’s visuals still being cooked even after the movie opened wide over the Christmas holiday.

People are watching the movie on drugs—and their experiences are nothing short of wild.

According to a sweeping new story by The Washington Post, a fraction of that box-office take is coming from audience members who are seeing the movie on drugs, and the results are evidently transcendent. WaPo rounded up some of the best reactions from viewers that saw the movie on mind-altering substances as shrooms, LSD, edibles, and more.

The paper offered a list of compelling, if not encouraging, responses:

“The most terrifying experience of my life. I swear to God my soul escaped me.”

I mean this is a bit dramatic…right?

“Vomited four times but ultimately understood the film on a deep level.”

Now this is definitely a reaction that I think only a high person could have. If you’ve seen the movie, you know it’s true.

“Had a panic attack in the middle of it …”

I feel like this could happen whether you were high or not…

Raina, 25, from South Carolina, said she couldn’t handle the mismatched proportions of the furry animals.

She lasted 10 minutes, “and then I went to the AMC bathroom and threw up”.

Annaliese Nielsen, terrified by the furry face of James Corden, called the film “a special kind of evil”.

That last scene especially, is freaking people out.

Here Judi Dench’s Deuteronomy breaks the fourth wall to address the viewer, and freaks people out. “When Judi Dench turned and looked me directly in the eyes to let me know that a cat is not a dog, I was terrified.”

The movie may be hard to follow if you’re looking for a plot.

Because there is no plot. Basically all the cats —as portrayed by the likes of Rebel Wilson, Jennifer Hudson, Dench, Idris Elba, Ian McKellen, and Taylor Swift— are auditioning for eternal life in the Heaviside Layer, a heaven-like place of rebirth for cats in the upper atmosphere.

“Where their fur ends and their human hands start, it would move in a weird unnatural way,” one audience member told The Washington Post.

“I felt like I was losing my mind…I was just concentrating on taking deep breaths.”

Of course, your choice of whether to enhance the experience of Cats is yours —and your state’s— own, but from what we’ve seen, the movie is likely weird enough to simulate a drug trip without needing to consume them at all.