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11 Stages People Who Can’t Handle Weed Go Through When They Get High (As Told By Cats)

Well, it might not be 4/20, but people keep offering me weed and I know what that means: I’m going to have to explain to everyone I meet why I can’t partake. It’s not that I have a problem with weed. It’s that I never have a good time while high. I’ve tried, many times, and every time, I end up regretting it with every part of my soul. If you’re like me, you might be able to relate to the stages I’ve gone every time I’ve ever been high. I’m sure you’ll relate with at least one of the stages below.

Usually, a few friends are hanging out. One of them passes me a joint. It’s been a while, and I’m like…

CREDIT: @roninicolee / Instagram

What’s the worst that could happen? This isn’t “Reefer Madness,” right?

So I take a hit and my throat is on fire. I can’t stop coughing. OMG what am I doing…

CREDIT: templeofcats.com

?BOOM? It’s “Reefer Madness.”

Stage 1: I’m, like, instantly too high. As if a weed-bomb had been thrown on my head.

CREDIT: moddb.com

Yeah, not like “fun high” either. I’m knee-deep in bat country, if you know what I mean. And I can’t help but feel like my throat is on fire.

And immediately I regret my decision. WHY, BABY JESUS???????

CREDIT: stonedcats.tumblr.com

Whyyy did I do this to myself? AGAIN.

Stage 2: Everything feels different. How come I’d never noticed my ears are so fluffly?

CREDIT: cutestcatpics.com

Something is terribly wrong. 

My friends are having a great time as I start to melt down. I feel outside of the club.

CREDIT: reddit.com / Via imgur.com

They’re having the time of their life, in fact.

So I remind myself: “You never get high, that’s why it feels so bad. Just act normal.”

CREDIT: reddit.com

Yeah, that’s it. I’ll just act normal. I look totally normal, right? You’re not that high. You got this.

Stage 3: I try to sober up by focusing on something.

CREDIT: circumcising.tumblr.com

But I realize I’m way higher than I originally thought.

I don’t remember my hands doing that before. I lost control over my body OMG.

CREDIT: 4shared.com

Yeah, it’s just weed, but I see and hear things that aren’t there when I’m high.

Stage 4: Someone tries to talk to me and it goes terribly. Please go away. GO AWAY.

CREDIT: stonedcats.tumblr.com

I am so not ready to make small talk.

My attempt at verbal communication leaves a lot to be desired. Have I suddenly learned to speak hungarian?

CREDIT: kuvaton.com

The words I make with my mouth don’t match the voices in my head.

So I try blinking out some morse code. Get-me-outta-here.

CREDIT: queen-ant.tumblr.com

My attempts at communication have failed and I’m not having fun.

Stage 5: I’m so done with being high. Can somebody show me where is the “turn off” button? I’m completely desperate.

CREDIT: webpark.ru

Please go away stoned feeling.

But I can’t just get un-high. It’s only going to get worse before it gets better.

CREDIT: webpark.ru

This is supposed to be fun?

Stage 6: Mid freakout, my friends realize I’m not okay. But they’re all so high the first thing they do is laugh. Not joking.

CREDIT: webpark.ru

Everything is too overwhelming.

They realize I’m freaking out and ask me if they can do something to make me feel better. I respond:

CREDIT: webpark.ru

SOS

They tell me to relax, close my eyes, or meditate. But that just makes things worse. I mean it.

CREDIT: dailydawdle.com

Anxiety is at an all time high and I can’t even remember what I was thinking about two minutes ago.

Stage 7: Now I believe all conspiracies I’ve ever heard. I don’t wanna leave this corner ever again in life.

CREDIT: @hjh0568 / Twitter

This is supposed to be fun and all I can think about is how there’s probably going to be a problem.

And I’m getting super paranoid and suspicious of everyone. And even of myself (if I’m really me why is this cat my spirit animal?). 

CREDIT: SHEEP FILMS

WHICH ? FRIEND ? IS ? READING ? MY ? THOUGHTS? And why is this cat my spirit animal?

Stage 8: The munchies. Rice with peanut butter and tuna has never tasted so delicious. Btw, I had no idea my stomach could handle so much food.

CREDIT: stonedcats.tumblr.com

My friends offer me food, but I’m still too paranoid to eat it.

Give me another carrot juice with canned beans, I just need food right now otherwise my belly might kill me.

CREDIT: stonedcats.tumblr.com

Suddenly food has a new meaning and food just tastes way better.

Stage 9: Fetal position. For me, this is the best part of being high so far.

CREDIT: imgur.com

Life hack: curling up can protect you from bears and bad highs.

Stage 10: Making it to the other side. There certainly is life beyond those gray walls.

CREDIT: terriblycute.com

I’m over the hump. I can feel my senses returning to me and the fear and anxiety are washed away and I feel like I’m finally crawling out of the pit of despair. It’s great!

Stage 11: Short-term memory loss. Usually a few friends are hanging out. One of them passes a joint to me. It’s been a while, and I’m like…

CREDIT: @roninicolee / Instagram

What’s the worst that can happen? LOL.

Share this because chances are you or someone in your group is as paranoid as me.

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Here’s This Week's Horoscope On All Things Love And Work

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Here’s This Week’s Horoscope On All Things Love And Work

If it isn’t obvious that Venus retrograde is doing its work, just look at the famous (or should I say infamous) couplings that didn’t last! Ahem, Ariana Grande and Pete Davison! Oh, and Chloe Bennet and *cough cough* Logan Paul. If you weren’t in a strong relationship, now’s the time they fade away like a bad YouTube video, so hold on butts until November 16th when this retrograde continues to show us what love is worth fighting for and which one isn’t making the cut. Plus, a full moon the 24th this week will bring money news for most of you. Use it wisely or save up, especially this close to the holidays.

Aries

The full moon on the 24th is going to bring you some positive money news, my lil ram, and it’s going to make your confidence boost for sure! Whether it’s a growth shared finances between you and a loved one or bettering your own monetary contribution, this week is good for building your financial confidence and allow you to work through your money dilemma. If you’ve got a big purchase you’ve been waiting on taking care of, or a goal to pay off those student loans, be wise and act now.

Taurus

Oh, Taurus. We said Venus retrograde might mean the reemergence of an old flame, but the problem is you might be in a relationship. We know you’re a loyal bull who plays for keeps, so it’s not like you’re going to leave your partner for this person. If you want it to work out, you need to give them the final say on whether or not they can be in your life. Which basically means no 🙂 The bad thing is that knowing about this past partner ain’t gonna float with your current one. We know you’re honest and loyal, but maybe this pattern from your partner has been too much on repeat from other past situations and your known patience is wearing thin. Talk it over and be the reasonable Taurean you’re known for.

Gemini

Remember that back-stabbing we talked about last week, Gemini? I know you’re still reeling over it, or at least how your love situation is putting you in a toxic and manipulative spot. It’s time to recover from that crap once and for all because it is literally making you sick. Protect your mental health this week and focus on yourself. Stay in and take the rest that you need. Maybe this even means finally meeting with a therapist. This time is all about healing yourself so you can come back stronger than ever.

Cancer

Get out of your head regarding your perfect love fantasy this week, Cancer. Your rom-com-like expectations and fluffy ideals about your picturesque your love life are actually putting yourself at a disadvantage! Lay off the dime novels or being too picky about what type of partner deserves to be with you and it’ll actually invite in a wonderful new human into your life. Sometimes it’s best to not have to worry about being proactive with dating. Trust the universe to also do its job!

Leo

It’s all about positive growth and awaiting the future, my confident Leo. Expect your professional realm to take off in a way that wonderfully benefits you and your partner. Maybe you were waiting on more savings or a better career position to come through before making future big plans together, and, fortunately, everything’s falling in order harmoniously enough to make it happen for you two. Taking things one step at a time can and will pay off very well.

Virgo

Stable Virgo, you’re exactly the type to remain unscathed during a retrograde. In fact, you experience the positives! That’s because when you remain as calm and patient as you normally are, the reflection needed during a retrograde just comes…naturally. Maybe that’s why you’re lucky enough to see the good in Venus retrograde this week when an old love reemerges, but now they’ve got their sh*t together. The feelings are mutual and you might find yourself completely ready to jump back in for good this time.

Libra

Expect the full moon to affect not necessarily just your finances, Libra, but the income of those around you that will still impact you in some form. Expect this to have a positive outcome, such as your partner receiving benefits or retirement package, or getting that approval on a home mortgage. Whatever it is, it will require some readjustments, but hopefully beneficial to you!

Scorpio

This week’s full moon on the 24th is igniting something in your love sector, my sassy lil scorpion, but since Venus is still in retrograde, we’re not sure what sort of flames will blow. Whether that’s good or bad is completely up in the air. You’re no stranger to intensity, Scorpio, so be prepared to either completely overflow with love and admiration for a certain someone or want to burn the whole damn thing to the ground and act like it never happened.

Sagittarius 

You’re at a loss when it comes to sorting out a lot in your life right, sweet Sag, and your love life will be no exception. Before you rule out any and all human beings (believe me, we know how that feels), take this week as a prime opportunity to take a break. Practice all of that self-care and more. Take a day trip. Make your bath explode with bath bombs. If you want stability in your love life, you first have to love yourself, so take the time to fall back in love with that person this week. 😉

Capricorn

Daaamn, Cap! A full moon in your romance sector this week will lead you to believe you’ve found the love of your life. Literally, we’re talking love at first sight. However, the twist is that this lunation is happening next to Uranus. Have you met this true love while currently in a relationship? And are you more than willing to leave that relationship for this mystery soulmate? This week will be a passionate yet unstable one for you to say the least. Wowee!

Aquarius

Just not finding yourself on the same page with people, Aquarius? Especially your partner? You might feel unsupported by those you love like they’re not appreciating your goals, and this makes you insecure to follow through on them. A domestic situation could arise this week, so be on the lookout for anything going wrong regarding your residence, like a plumbing or electrical issue. Whatever surprise happens, you’ll find others not handling it well. Roll with the punches and you can get through this week by staying true to yourself.

Pisces

You might find it hard to compromise with people this week, sweet Pisces. While it’s easy to clash and get into arguments, remember to recenter yourself and remember what it is you enjoy about the people you’re around. It’s typical of a Pisces to harp on the negative and feel down on oneself, but if you focus on the joys of these humans you spend your time with, you’ll find yourself much better off and able to meet in the middle.

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