Latinos Never Do Basic 4th Of July Celebrations And Here’s Why
Happy 4th of July, amigos. Independence Day is typically reserved for celebrating America’s freedom from colonial Britain, although we know it’s much more layered than that. Of course, Latinos don’t do anything basic, and that includes celebrating America’s independence. Here are a few examples of what you can expect at the fiesta this year.
Dad will definitely be sporting these stunners.
New Balance and Grill. ????✌️????????????????????
.#fourthofjuly #4thofjuly #farmtotable #myfoodeastsyourfood #outdoorchef #chef #cheflife #livefire #grill #grilling #bbq #barbecue #carne #asado #churrasco #springbreak #vacation #holiday #sunday #lol #funny #hum… https://t.co/IxzJyLw6Py pic.twitter.com/Iarnm3hPWr
— A Bachelor&His Grill (@bachelorsGRILL) July 1, 2018
He’s been wearing the same New Balances for the last ten years, and they only come out when it’s time to grill. Don’t even think about giving him a hard time for it. Let the man make you carne asada.
Latinos are too good for hamburguesas and hot dogs.
The churrasco situation is always lit. My family’s take on lechón asada was to just stick a whole baby pig on the grill and cook it for hours. Of course, that’s only after it has been marinating in sofrito overnight.
And you’ll find more than just basic green beans at this grill out.
It’s all croquetas y pasteles y tamales. Your family comes with a bag of ripe plantains to grill on the stove, mangos for the Tajín and avocados from the backyard tree. Yeah. We know how to party.
If we’re being honest here, Latinos celebrate the 4th as an excuse to eat all this food.
There’s a whole separate grill for the elote. And your mom made you go to Costco with her the weekend before to get the Tajin, elotes, limes in bulk. Oh, and the tequila. Lots of tequila happening on the Fourth.
And you only ever buy fireworks from the side of the road.
Sure, your mother never planned to get fireworks because she worries too much, but when we saw those stands on the side of the road, the begging began. That is the one and only reason you ever had fireworks, and never anything too big, because somos fragíles.
The only helado allowed is shaped like a rocket:
All the kids’ lips are red and blue and zooming around like actual rocketships. At some point, your mom always whips out the hose and the backyard becomes a mini-waterpark.
You know every new citizen at the BBQ will be wearing stars and stripes.
— Chrystina Orlando (@ItsChrystina) July 3, 2018
Usually, there’s at least one recent American citizen who is just glowing. The party is essentially for him or her and they know it. Honestly, it is a proud moment for everyone in the family.
Your dog will be dressed to impress.
— Eva Longoria Baston (@EvaLongoria) July 2, 2018
Every Fourth of July celebration is going to have your homeland’s flag waving. At the very least, it will be securely fastened on the dog, pobrecito.
No matter whether you’re Mexican or not, there will be a piñata.
Every mom stuffed the piñata with way too much candy.
Obviously there will be a delicious flan replacing that apple pie.
She makes it every year, and even though you stuffed your face with Bomb Pops, you still have to have a slice or risk hurting her feelings. And, honestly, you’re here for it.
While most families tell people to leave, we are more subtle.
It is all about bringing out coffee as a sign that it is time for you to go. We also don’t like people hanging around late unless they clean so there’s that.
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