Culture

If You Are A Chismosa, You Definitely Know These 9 Stages Of Chisme

There is nothing in life than than gets you more excited than some well-timed, super juicy chisme. Doesn’t matter if you know the people involved or not, as soon as you catch wind of some hot gossip you turn full detective, spokesperson, and messenger (because you have to keep the crew informed). Social media has only made the chismosa in all of us more active because now you don’t even have to be in the same room to get the latest scoop.

Here are all the stages you go through with chisme from start to finish.

You kind of lose your sh*t when you first hear (or read) the latest chisme.

CREDIT: mitú

Like, OMG. Can you believe what Vanessa just said about Horacio? Time to get more details.

Once you know it’s even half legit, you find ways to creep into any conversation about either party involved.

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Even if it means befriending someone that you had a major falling out with, you will find a way to get more of the story. You’re basically an investigator trying to gather all the facts before spreading the news with the squad.

Once you learn the juiciest details, the time comes to decide who you want to tell first.

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You start by being selective and only telling that one person you trust, but soon enough your tías, friends, neighbors, tu peluquera María, even your dog starts to get all the deets and they are living for it.

Of course, you cover your bases with the “you didn’t hear from me” line.

CREDIT: mitú

Solid way to keep your name out of the drama because with all these chismosas in your life, you don’t know which one of them may accidentally slip your name when they retell the story.

You always have to act surprised when someone close to the situation opens up to you about the chisme.

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Me: “OMG. When did this happen? That’s so crazy!” ?

One of your friends is bound to let slip that you are spreading the news but you are prepared with your defense.

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And that defense is total denial. You didn’t say a thing, got it?

Finally, your Superbowl arrives. Sh*t is about to go down and you have to be there to witness the main event.

CREDIT: mitú

It has been simmering for mooonths and you are about to get the payoff. You’ve invested time, resources, and brain power to following this chisme so you have to see it to the end.

You, very stealthily, make your way over to the spot where it is all about to go down.

CREDIT: mitú

But who are you rooting for? What is going to happen? Will there be a fight? Is this the end of a friendship? Nerves are on end and you just can’t bear the anxiety as the journey comes to a close.

Once you are there, the only thing to do is to find a good, hidden spot, and get ready to watch it all unfold.

CREDIT: mitú

Let’s not forget. All of the people in your circle want to know what goes down so you take notes, pictures, videos, and you might even livestream it. Everyone deserves closure and this is the best way to get it.

We want to know…


READ: Non-Offensive Clapbacks To Family Chisme

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Here’s What My White Husband Has Learned About The Latino Culture One Day At A Time

relationships

Here’s What My White Husband Has Learned About The Latino Culture One Day At A Time

My husband and I have been married for a little over three years now and he is still learning so much about myself and what it means to be Latino. I’m not talking about me having a big Cuban family all stationed in Miami (3-0-5 🙌🏽) or the fact that the best jokes in Netflix’s “One Day At A Time” are in Spanish. I’m talking about the little things that to me have always been a normal part of life. This is what has continuously caught him off guard…

If you ask him, I’m already turning into my abuela because of the things he is finding out, which to me is a compliment. Here are just a few of the things that he is starting to understand about our future together.

1. Seasoning your beans is hard AF but abuela makes it look easy.

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No matter how many times I try or how many techniques I use, my bean always turn out bland AF. This wouldn’t have been a problem if he didn’t have my abuela’s frijoles negro because now he has a reference point as to what beans are supposed to taste like. Though, he doesn’t cook so my bland beans will have to do.

2. That whole personal space thing is a white construct.

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I missed my hot mess buddy!

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One of the first things he realized about being married to a Latino is that all that personal space he once had is gone. I even go into the bathroom to talk to him when he’s in the shower because that’s 👏🏾 how 👏🏾 I 👏🏾 was 👏🏾 raised. 👏🏾

3. Family obligations cannot and will not be avoided.

Even if it means that you have to spend $800 to travel 3,000 miles back home for a weekend for your nephew’s first birthday, there is no getting out of family events. #BasedOnTrueEvents

4. My family raised me to be super eco-friendly (and very frugal).

The first time my husband saw me washing a Ziploc bag he asked if we had run out and that he could get some from the store. My response: “But, like, why do you want to waste money like that?”

5. Selena was and will always be La Reina.

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I know. I know. How did he not know this before is what you’re thinking, right? But you can’t hold it against him. I don’t think Selena had a very big following in West Virginia. There was no way he could have known that she is more relevant now than ever. Not to mention that she still wins Latin Billboard awards and I play her music nonstop.

6. My abuela’s obsession with reusing containers has been passed down.

After he came down from the initial shock of thinking that I left the sour cream in the Tupperware cabinet overnight, he made a joke about me becoming my abuela. I’ve never been so proud.

7. Calling a loved one “gordo” is not offensive.

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@f_uanteik #migordo #iloveyou #happiness #happynights

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Because, you know, someone calling you “my little fatty” is not okay. Imagine his shock when he heard a family member call me “gordito” in front of him. He was shook.

8. Every chore I do is just an excuse to put on Celia Cruz and dance.

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Sure, I can cook in silence but nothing makes my time in the kitchen more enjoyable than some “La Negra Tiene Tumbao” or “La Vida Es Un Carnaval” blaring in the background. Plus, he is starting to learn some of her greatest hits.

9. Seventy-five percent of Latino cooking is just making that sabor.

To quote my husband: “Oh. So ropa vieja is like making pot roast then you make the flavor (sofrito). Yeah. White people are too lazy to make all that flavor.”

10. Being extra and loud is just in our blood.

I still have that trophy on our desk in the living room and he has mentioned moving it a couple times. Then I stubbed my toe, fall to the floor in tears, and he remembers why it is so prominently displayed.

11. Hot Cheetos are life.

He didn’t know they were so versatile but he’s not upset that we get to eat them all the time.


READ: 14 Things That Happen When A Gringo Marries Into A Latino Family

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Conservatives Are Calling For The FBI And CIA To Investigate George Lopez After He Made A Joke About President Trump

Entertainment

Conservatives Are Calling For The FBI And CIA To Investigate George Lopez After He Made A Joke About President Trump

Conservatives are enraged after George Lopez made a joke about the death of President Trump. The Mexican-American comic wrote, “We’ll do it for half,” responding to an Instagram post about a purported bounty. The bounty was suggested at a funeral procession for Iranian general Qassem Soleimani on Sunday and Twitter was set ablaze with some users even calling for the Secret Service to get involved. Here’s what went down.

After Trump ordered a drone strike that killed Iranian Gen. Qasem Soleimani a eulogist at the late leader’s funeral called for a bounty on the U.S. president’s head.

Broadcast live on Iran’s state-owned Channel One television network, a eulogist apparently called for the $80 million bounty while addressing crowds in the city of Mashhad. “We are 80 million Iranians. If each one of us puts aside one American dollar, we will have 80 million American dollars, and we will reward anyone who brings us [Trump]’s head with that amount,” the unidentified man said.

There is no indication the bounty is endorsed by the Iranian government or Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei.

On Jan. 5, 2020, news editor M. Hanif Jazayeri posted a tweet stating that Iran had placed an $80 million bounty on the head of U.S. President Donald Trump in retaliation for a U.S. airstrike in Baghdad that killed Iranian Major General Qassem Soleimani.

The Instagram account @chicanoworldstar, which has over 170,000 followers, posted about the supposed bounty. 

Credit: chicanoworldstar / Instagram

The post, which erroneously attributed the reward to Iranian officials, said: “#Iranian authorities have put a bounty on American President Donald Trump’s head during the televised funeral of General #QasemSoleimani after he was assassinated last week. What are your thoughts?”

Lopez responded to the eulogist: “We’ll do it for half.”

Credit: @joeysalads / Twitter

On Sunday, the Instagram account @chicanoworldstar, which has over 170,000 followers, posted about the supposed bounty. The post, which erroneously attributed the reward to Iranian officials, said: “#Iranian authorities have put a bounty on American President Donald Trump’s head during the televised funeral of General #QasemSoleimani after he was assassinated last week. What are your thoughts?,” the famed comedian left a comment saying “We’ll do it for half.”

The joke was quickly seized upon by right-wing social media users.

The comment, which has more than 2,400 likes and 750 replies, caught the attention of right-wing media, which was quick to claim that Lopez was issuing a death threat against the president. Lopez’s spokesperson told Newsweek: “It was absolutely a joke and that’s it.” 

But for some, it wasn’t just a joke.

Ryan Fournier, co-chair of Students For Trump, tweeted: “George Lopez just said he’d assassinate President Trump for half of the $80 million dollar bounty. @SecretService should take a look at this. The Left is sick.”

Some defended Lopez —like fellow comedian Kathy Griffith who told “Trump cult” to calm down.

Griffin faced severe backlash for a photo of her holding a severed Trump head. Right-wing media and supporters were outraged and ended Griffin’s career over the photo. The same people angered by the Trump head and the joke are likely the same who supported burning Obama effigies.

Chris D’Elia wrote: “George Lopez is a really big comedian maybe you’re not aware.”

Lopez is a comedian best known for the ABC sitcom “George Lopez,” which ran for six seasons between 2002 and 2007. The iconic comedian also hosted the short-lived TBS talk show “Lopez Tonight” between 2009 and 2011.

In July 2018, Lopez, an outspoken Trump critic, made headlines for pretending to urinate on Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 

The footage went viral on Twitter and prompted similar right-wing offense to this latest incident, including calls for Lopez’s arrest.

READ: Victims Of The El Paso Massacre Received Visits From Edward James Olmos And George López And Their Reactions Are Everything