Culture

You Thought Giving Up Chocolate Was Nuts, Look At These 9 Crazy Things My Family Endured For Lent

Most people give up sweets, smoking, excessive drinking or social media during Lent. But, because everything Puerto Ricans do is exagerado, my household during Lent got medieval. Between my religious grandmother and my mom, the ‘suffering’ part of Lent was… not symbolic. Here are the nine ways my abuela made us really suffer during Lent.

1. You’re giving up chocolate for 40 days? That’s cute. Once the sun set, our home was enveloped in darkness, because we gave up electricity.

Arrival
Arrival/ Paramount

This was especially cruel in a household where El Cuco was real. You know he comes out in the dark!

2. You gave up drinking? Nice. How about no TV, music or dancing?  Can’t laugh when you’re supposed to be suffering.

Literally abuela’s response when asked if dancing was allowed during Lent:

No GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
The Office/ NBC

Keeping a group of Puerto Rican kids from dancing is like caging a bird. We just want to pop and lock, abuela!

3. Wearing less makeup for Lent is a smart move, but we just went ahead and covered all the mirrors. Examining your beauty was vanity — extremely disrespectful.

Mirror Mirror
Snow White/ Disney

“Magic mirror on the wall, who is the holiest of them all?”

4. Most families spend less money during Lent. My family was forced to attend live reenactments of the “Stations of the Cross,” where the real carnage of the story happened for free.

Reddit

Imagine seeing that when you’re in elementary. It’s a little traumatic.

5. Quitting porn for Lent? It’s easier if you’re in my family, because we were forced to watch films that reenacted the suffering of Jesus.

Watch Me Whip
The Da Vinci Code/ Sony Pictures

Mom referred to them as “horror movies,” and I agree — the only thing worse than this scene from “The Da Vinci Code” was Tom Hanks’ mullet in that movie.

6. Introducing more veggies into your diet? Solid choice. Because you couldn’t eat meat at all for Lent at my house.

No More Cookie Monster
Youtube

That’s 40 days of vegetarianism.

7. Giving up coffee? No problem! Ice showers will wake you up when you say goodbye to hot water, like my family did.

Cold Water
The Shining/ Warner Bros. /Giphy

After a while, your skin goes numb and you barely feel it!

8. Be more organized? Great idea. When I broke my grandma’s rules, she made us kneel on uncooked rice.

Uncle Phil
Fresh Prince of Bel Air/ NBC/ Tumblr

My grandma had el tío Phil on speed-dial.

9. Easter Sunday morning: put on your best duds and celebrate like you didn’t just experience 40 days of light torture. Yay!

Eye Twitch
Bob’s Burgers/ FOX

Nothing like actively repressing your memories with nice outfits, candy, and an egg hunt.

READ: Admit It, THIS Is The Most Fun Part Of Ash Wednesday

What kind of old school stuff did your parents do for religious holidays? Comment below and let us know!

Conservatives Are Calling For The FBI And CIA To Investigate George Lopez After He Made A Joke About President Trump

Entertainment

Conservatives Are Calling For The FBI And CIA To Investigate George Lopez After He Made A Joke About President Trump

Conservatives are enraged after George Lopez made a joke about the death of President Trump. The Mexican-American comic wrote, “We’ll do it for half,” responding to an Instagram post about a purported bounty. The bounty was suggested at a funeral procession for Iranian general Qassem Soleimani on Sunday and Twitter was set ablaze with some users even calling for the Secret Service to get involved. Here’s what went down.

After Trump ordered a drone strike that killed Iranian Gen. Qasem Soleimani a eulogist at the late leader’s funeral called for a bounty on the U.S. president’s head.

Broadcast live on Iran’s state-owned Channel One television network, a eulogist apparently called for the $80 million bounty while addressing crowds in the city of Mashhad. “We are 80 million Iranians. If each one of us puts aside one American dollar, we will have 80 million American dollars, and we will reward anyone who brings us [Trump]’s head with that amount,” the unidentified man said.

There is no indication the bounty is endorsed by the Iranian government or Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei.

On Jan. 5, 2020, news editor M. Hanif Jazayeri posted a tweet stating that Iran had placed an $80 million bounty on the head of U.S. President Donald Trump in retaliation for a U.S. airstrike in Baghdad that killed Iranian Major General Qassem Soleimani.

The Instagram account @chicanoworldstar, which has over 170,000 followers, posted about the supposed bounty. 

Credit: chicanoworldstar / Instagram

The post, which erroneously attributed the reward to Iranian officials, said: “#Iranian authorities have put a bounty on American President Donald Trump’s head during the televised funeral of General #QasemSoleimani after he was assassinated last week. What are your thoughts?”

Lopez responded to the eulogist: “We’ll do it for half.”

Credit: @joeysalads / Twitter

On Sunday, the Instagram account @chicanoworldstar, which has over 170,000 followers, posted about the supposed bounty. The post, which erroneously attributed the reward to Iranian officials, said: “#Iranian authorities have put a bounty on American President Donald Trump’s head during the televised funeral of General #QasemSoleimani after he was assassinated last week. What are your thoughts?,” the famed comedian left a comment saying “We’ll do it for half.”

The joke was quickly seized upon by right-wing social media users.

The comment, which has more than 2,400 likes and 750 replies, caught the attention of right-wing media, which was quick to claim that Lopez was issuing a death threat against the president. Lopez’s spokesperson told Newsweek: “It was absolutely a joke and that’s it.” 

But for some, it wasn’t just a joke.

Ryan Fournier, co-chair of Students For Trump, tweeted: “George Lopez just said he’d assassinate President Trump for half of the $80 million dollar bounty. @SecretService should take a look at this. The Left is sick.”

Some defended Lopez —like fellow comedian Kathy Griffith who told “Trump cult” to calm down.

Griffin faced severe backlash for a photo of her holding a severed Trump head. Right-wing media and supporters were outraged and ended Griffin’s career over the photo. The same people angered by the Trump head and the joke are likely the same who supported burning Obama effigies.

Chris D’Elia wrote: “George Lopez is a really big comedian maybe you’re not aware.”

Lopez is a comedian best known for the ABC sitcom “George Lopez,” which ran for six seasons between 2002 and 2007. The iconic comedian also hosted the short-lived TBS talk show “Lopez Tonight” between 2009 and 2011.

In July 2018, Lopez, an outspoken Trump critic, made headlines for pretending to urinate on Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 

The footage went viral on Twitter and prompted similar right-wing offense to this latest incident, including calls for Lopez’s arrest.

READ: Victims Of The El Paso Massacre Received Visits From Edward James Olmos And George López And Their Reactions Are Everything

10 Instagram Fails That Prove Many Peoples’ “Best Lives” Are Fake AF

Culture

10 Instagram Fails That Prove Many Peoples’ “Best Lives” Are Fake AF

u/purpleyellowpaint / Reddit

Instagram is without a doubt, the social media platform we have the most complicated relationship with. Although the photo-sharing platform was created with the intention of connecting people who want to share special moments from their lives, it has recently devolved into the social media that experts are calling most detrimental to our mental health.

The problem with Instagram lies in the images Instagram users present to the world: staged, curated, and–more increasingly–edited beyond recognition. After all, it’s not like the phrase “do it for the ‘Gram” came out of nowhere. People want to present the best versions of themselves to their followers because they know that that’s what racks up the most likes. The problem with many Instagram users’ “best versions” of themselves, however, is that those versions aren’t based in reality. We compiled a list of the worst Instagram fails of 2019 to show to our readers that what you see isn’t always what you get. Check it out below!

1. This person who edited their face, but not their reflection

Credit: u/dantemarlvin / Reddit

Ahh, the old “I face-tuned my face within an inch of its life but forgot to edit its reflection” problem. Many a brave solider has fallen victim to this mistake. Many more will follow.

2. When even famous celebs are a victim of Instagram fails

Credit: iamcardib / Instagram

Cardi B’s photoshopping fail proves that even celebrities are insecure about their bodies and feel the need to alter their appearance in pictures. Even someone as beautiful and successful as Cardi B gives in to the pressure to be “perfect” for the public. 

3. When one person edits their face, to the detriment of others

Credit: u/em_abdo / Reddit

Look, we all know that pretty much no one looks hot on Christmas morning. We’re always rushed to get out of bed and probably sleep-deprived. It’s unfortunate that a situation least conducive for great photos is the time of year we’re most often in front of the camera. And while most of us resist the urge to face-tune ourselves in the family photo, some people (like the girl on the far left) can’t post a pic without tampering with it. Unfortunately, the end result is jarring and super noticeable.

4. This girl photoshopped a Lamborghini logo on her car’s steering wheel

Credit: u/mike-wazowskis-cock / Reddit

We give this girl credit for thinking of new and creative ways to flex on Instagram. Pro tip: if you really want people thinking you own a luxury car, go to a fancy car dealership and ask to test drive the newest model. Then, you can take a selfie in the driver’s seat and no one will ever be any wiser (#sarcasm).

5. This guy photo-shopped weights onto his bar, but forgot to add them to the reflection

Credit: u/mr_kord / Reddit

Here’s another Instagram fail where the reflection tells the real story. This is the type of photoshop fail that totally baffles us. Why lie about how much you can lift? It’s pretty easy to tell how strong someone is by looking at their body! 

6. This guy “travels” the world by photo-shopping himself into different locations

Credit: u/princessplastilina / Reddit

If you’re going to photoshop yourself as a world traveler, at least change up your pose once in a while. 

7. This guy also “travels” the world, but the fence behind him oddly stays the same…

Credit: u/purple_lamas / Reddit

This guy doesn’t even try to photoshop himself into new locations. Instead, he just changes his location tags and trusts that his followers will believe that he’s jet-setting around the globe. But it doesn’t take a genius to see that he’s sitting in the same location in both “Israel” and “Belarus”. 

8. This guy went a little over-board on the teeth-whitening tool

Credit: u/purpleyellowpaint / Reddit

This picture is a prime example of Instagram influencers taking something that looks great in moderation and ramping up the intensity until it’s no longer attractive. Also on that list? Full lips, curvaceous bodies, and smooth skin. 

9. This cloud pattern seems to oddly follow this Influencer all over the world

Credit: u/your-missing-mom / Reddit

This picture is an example of how much Instagram has warped the minds of its users. While editing your photos used to be about removing a pimple or fixing red eye, now people feel the need to add perfect, fluffy clouds in their skies to keep up the illusion of a flawless life. 

10. This “artist” shows photos of different paintings, but the palette in her hand never changes

Credit: u/zannrael / Reddit

Where do we even start with this Instagram fails? To begin with, it seems highly unlikely that a real painter would wear such nice clothes when dealing with paints that could potentially ruin their fabric.

READ: The Instagram Trends That Drove Us Nuts In 2019