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“Got to finally discover my roots,” Longoria wrote on her Instagram post. “I have been wanting to visit the small village where my ancestors came from and where my last name was born for years!! And today I got to meet all the amazing people in this small town who were beaming with pride!”
Longoria has been diligent about documenting her journey of familial discovery on Snapchat and Instagram giving her fans a front row seat to her trip. Longoria has long been trying to get to the bottom of her ancestral roots even taking part of the PBS special “Faces Of America” in 2010. It was during the PBS special that Longoria had her DNA tested and discovered parts of her history that even she hadn’t heard about.
During her sit down with PBS, Longoria learned the fate of two distant relatives in Texas.
First, she learned about the fate of her great-great-grandfather Ponciano Longoria, who was one of the Longoria men who worked on the farmland her family still owns today. The greatest shock was learning that Ponciano was stabbed to death by an Anglo farmer during a land dispute. According to the interviewer, the land in south Texas was often in dispute with Anglo farmers moving fence lines overnight to accumulate more land at the detriment of the Mexican farmer owners of the time. She also learned of another relative killed during the same time named Antonio Longoria. According to the interviewer, Antonio was killed in cold blood by the Texas Rangers. All this to defend the very land that the Longoria family had always lived on and farmed. Like Longoria has said in the past, “My family didn’t cross the border. The border crossed us.”
Looks like this vacation to Spain is exactly what the Texas-born actor needed to connect with her roots.
On Tuesday, MTV announced that the funniest prank show of the early 2000s is making a comeback: Punk’d.
Sixteen years after its 2003 debut, the Ashton Kutcher-created hidden camera-practical joke reality TV program is returning, but it won’t look exactly the same. The biggest difference is that each episode will be less than 10 minutes long and will live on Quibi, an upcoming mobile-first video streaming service. The show has been picked up for 20 mini-episodes, though there is still no word on who will host the show.
As we celebrate in millennial glory over the news, we’re also remembering some of our favorite episodes: There’s that time Justin Timberlake cried thinking his house and valuables had been repossessed, that moment Beyoncé believed she ruined Christmas for young fans, that episode when Wilmer Valderrama’s SUV got destroyed, that time Demi Lovato thought her recording studio was haunted and that segment when Taylor Swift believed she ruined a couple’s wedding.
But there was also one episode where Kutcher pranked multiple A-List Latina celebs. The actor-producer started his fourth season by pranking both Salma Hayek and Eva Longoria in hilarious tricks that had both superstars shook.
The first victim of Kutcher’s mischief was Hayek. During a dinner with fellow actress Penélope Cruz, who was in on the joke, the Mexican star was publicly embarrassed by a shitty — literally! — encounter.
During the gag, Cruz excuses herself from the table to use the restroom. When she gets there, she spots a colossal turd in the toilet, and calls Hayek over to see the unbelievable (and fake!) offering a patron left.
“How could you bring me to look at this? I can’t, I can’t,” Hayek says, laughing while visibly terrified.
When someone, who’s also in on the prank, comes to use the bathroom, Hayek warns them not to. At this point, Cruz flushes the toilet and the doo-doo water overflows. The girls literally run away to their table, where they soon experience a mortifying scene: the woman who saw them in the restroom publicly, and loudly, accuses them of making the fecal mess. Soon, the manager and busboy, who refuses to clean up the excrement, are at their table blaming Hayek for everything.
“I am very mortified because they are staring at us like you’re blaming it on us, and this is very, very disturbing,” Hayek tells the faux-manager angrily. Just before she breaks, Kutcher runs out to her table, where the actress learns her gal Cruz and Kutcher Punk’d her.
“What a nightmare,” she says, before fake-strangling Cruz and turning to the camera to say “I’ve been Punk’d.”
Next up is Longoria. During her segment, the former Desperate Housewives actress is leaving the set with co-star Jesse Metcalfe, who’s in on the joke. She joins him in his SUV, which is quickly pulled over by the cops. Jesse, who played Longoria’s teenage gardener and sidepiece on the show, is hesitant to stop his car. When the policeman rushes behind him, he eventually breaks but then runs out of the car. Longoria is stunned.
“Hey, oh my God! Hello,” she yells, with her hand covering her mouth in disbelief. Soon a fake cop pulls up beside her asking her to put her hands out of the car window and slowly get out of the vehicle.
“I am so scared right now,” she says, before going through questioning, where she learns that Metcalfe might have another identity. She’s not clear on what her pal might be involved in, but it looks certain, to her, that it’s illegal and that she now is implicated in it.
Moments later, she sees Metcalfe arrested and put in the back of a police car. She is told that she, too, will have to go to the station. Nearly crying, Kutcher pulls up behind Longoria, who laughs instantly knowing she’s been Punk’d.
“I hate you,” she tells the host, adding “I was fucking freaking out, man. Dude, I’m sweating my ass off” before looking to the camera to say she’s the latest victim of the prank show.
There’s no word yet on when the reboot will make its way to Quibi, but after watching some of our fave Latinx stars targeted by Kutcher’s stunts, we’re thirsty for more.
Catch the whole episode, which also includes a trick against R&B singer Mario, here.
The dictionary defines ASMR as “a feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound.”
There are no better sounds than the voices of Salma Hayek and Eva Longoria, which is undoubtedly why W Magazine chose them as the latest celebrity installment in their ASMR series. Let me tell you… it was hilarious.
Salma opened up in Spanish with, “Hola, Como están? Tengo que se asustar porque estos microphones son may sensible.”
She first whispered the place she was born and we got tingles: Coatzacoalcos, Veracruz, Mexico. She also shared that “it was great growing up in this place because we all knew each other. There was a lot of great nature.”
Then she introduced the world to tostadas, as she should.
We want to give a round of applause to Hayek for bringing the right kind of tostada to the party. 👏 👏 👏 👏
The internet was weeping in gratitude over the video. 😭🙏
We’re not worthy. At the same time, Salma is giving us what we deserve.
Then she talked about “some people.”
We’re those people, Salma. We are all about saving money and sneaking your snacks into the theater is all a part of saving that cash. Don’t tell me you’re a Latino whose mother hasn’t smuggled in food to the movie theater. Good one, Salma. 😂
Salma craved for guacamole in ASMR.
The crunch crunch of Salma eating a tostada sounds so much more beautiful than my crunch crunch, you guys. It’s truly a lullaby.
Then she rolled her eyes at even admitting that tostadas are gluten-free.
We don’t know where this came from. We want to know the full story of how Salma came to resent, and also feel personally obligated to announce that tostadas are gluten-free.
At this point, we’re all in awe.
The next time I have tostadas, it will feel like an entirely new, rich experience in which my soul is bound to Salma’s. Crunch, crunch.
One Latina actually tried to emulate Salma and couldn’t get through a single sentence. 😂
I guess it’s a lot harder to be Salma than it looks. Also, wow, mil gracias, April.
Salma has given us something we can actually rely on in this life.
That is the purest form of lullaby that has been passed down, generation to generation. Mamis crunching away at tostadas.
Then, she educated us on the pain and joy of Frida Kahlo.
She whispered into the microphone, “Once in this lifetime, I got to be Frida Kahlo. She was a Mexican surrealist artist. She said she painted her pain but she painted it with so much joy… because it’s full of colors in her art.”
Then Salma showed us her art and we have questions.
Why is there no color in her art? Is it because Salma doesn’t have joy right now? By the expression on her face, that could be true. Or we’ll never know the depths of Salma’s artistic expression.
Salma swears Frida Kahlo is haunting her, you guys.
The microphones pick up all sorts of sounds, including footsteps from up above. 👻
Salma finishes up by shuffling some cards and alluding to a future career in Vegas.
“I’m too young to be a dancer,” she whispers us to sleep. But she swears she could become a card dealer.
Watch the whole video for yourself.
But don’t go anywhere yet. You haven’t seen Eva Longoria tickled by sponges since Desperate Housewives.
W Magazine‘s video with Eva Longoria is the least serious ASMR video we’ve seen.
It really is just Eva being delighted and bored and goofing around some high tech microphones. She especially loved the sponges.
One fan put it perfectly: “she was just the cutest lil thing.”
You might not be able to fall asleep to the video. It’s just too entertaining to make your brain relax, but it’s worth a watch.
After Eva sets down the sponges, she opens a bag of Skinny Pop popcorn.
“It actually tastes like a skinny girl thing,” she whispers. “It’s not very good.” Hot take from Eva on Skinny Pop popcorn right here.
Then Eva excitedly picks up a towel.
Swear up and down, Eva rubbing a towel sounds like a cat purring. You have to listen to feel the tingle.
Then she starts making bread like a cat.
I don’t know that Eva ever buried her child self. She’s having fun in everyday things, like ASMR videos with W Magazine.
And she’s keeping it real.
Thank you for your service Eva. She immediately goes back to playing with the sponges and zooming them around like airplanes. 😂
You have to see childlike Eva to believe it.
No ASMR experts have testified to the quality of ASMR gifted to us by Salma Hayek and Eva Longoria. If you want to hear what experts call a “near perfect” ASMR experience, give a listen to Cardi B.