Culture

28 Dichos Your Mom Told You That Made You Need Therapy

As we’ve made our way into mainstream culture, we’ve inevitably had a non-Latino friend shooketh at the shit our moms put us through. They said one day we’d thank them, and this is mitú’s tribute to all the cray cray and our present day thoughts.

How many of these did your mom say? Comment with any we missed!

1. “When I was your age…”

It’s an oldie but a goodie. When Mama was my age, she could only afford to eat one slice of New York pizza a day and modeling for Barbizon three buses across the city. And I’m just “eating shit” on the computer (welcome to 2018, ma’, life and work is on the computer!).

2. “I have to do everything because you can’t do anything right.”

Response: a sarcastic smile and sarcastic bow to the queen.

Yeah, she’s going to hit you for that one.

3. “You don’t know how to turn the tortilla but you want a boyfriend.”

YES, MOM. Any boy that’s with me is going to have to flip their own tortilla. #Feminism

4. “See, I told you.”

“Ok, but I literally just fell out of a tree and broke my leg. Please, help?”

5. “Do you think I was born yesterday?”

hated when I heard this because it meant that my mom had made up some elaborate conspiracy theory that I had to disprove. I sweaaaar, we’re not up to anything! We’re angels! ?

6. “God will punish you.”

When you did something so “bad” that she is just too disgusted to deal with you and let’s slip these three words: ?

7. “This house isn’t your hotel.”

Or better yet, “Do you think I’m your maid?” We’re children. We play with LEGOS. Let us be.

8. “Because I’m your mother.”

The jig is up folks. You think you’ve got logic and reason on your side, but as soon as she whips this one out, it’s all over. Don’t even try to argue.

9. “Son of a ____”

Filter? What filter? You mom has probably called you this to your face, pero liike, what is she saying about herself? ?

10. “Calm down before I make you calm down.”

I have chills. The full effect is in Spanish and I vow to never say this to my children. A variation might be, “Stop crying before I give you something to cry about.” YEESH.

11. “Who asked you?”

Oh you have an opinion, eh? Keep it to yourself, estupida. Do you need therapy yet? Let’s keep going.

12. “Do what you want”

Alright, so that sounds supportive right? Nope. This is code for “It’s your choice, but it’s a terrible one and I will chew you out alive if you go through with this.”

13. “Because you’re a fool”

Someone help me translate this. Basically, your mom was just like, “by way of you being a fool, of course this happened.” Two words can pack a punch.

14. Literal translation: “Go with caution.”

What she’s actually saying: “I’m this close to beating the shit out of you. Be careful what you say next.”

15. Literally, “Take that face off or you’ll see how it’s going to go in the house.”

What she’s actually saying: “Lose the sour face or we’ll see how it really looks when we get home (and I can explode in the privacy of our home).”

16. “Come so I can give you something to cry about.”

Sometimes, when I was sobbing, my mom would just pinch me really hard or yank my ear and tell me, “this is what real pain feels like.” OK, at this point, I’m concerned that my younger self but I promise she’s a really sweet lady.

17. “Who gave you permission to leave, eh?”

Your free will is a privilege in this house, you hear me? Never leave the house without permission.

18. “Sit better, you’re a lady.”

Yeah, your mom can talk about how your brothers need to take up all the space in the backseat so their fcking cojones can breath and I’m supposed to shrink. #NoGracias #SmashThePatriarchy #ImNoLady

19. “Get your shit together.”

You probably heard this around your school work a lot, and while your mom would not tutor you in anything but Spanish class, she always had this wise dicho for you. Thanks, mom!

20. “You already greeted everyone?”

There is nothing more important that your mom showing off the perfect gentleman or señorita she raised. You must greet everyone on each cheek or she’ll get you.

21. “Oh but last night it’s all party.”

This one comes at you early Saturday morning when she barges in your room with the cleaning supplies at 7am and you say you’re tired. I don’t know where Latina moms get their energy but maybe it comes with age? I’m praying.

22. “I’m mopping, don’t touch the floor!”

Is that a trick question? Nope! When el trapeando begins, the floor is lava and if you touch it you’ll feel the wrath of a thousand volcanos. It was the perfect excuse to stay on the couch and watch TV. 🙂

23. “Como que what, tell me mande.”

Never tell your Mexican mother, ‘como que.’ It’s a cardinal sin. Always say ‘mande’ if you want to keep your life.

24. “Be nice.”

You know how when you’re invited somewhere, it’s not about you, it’s about keeping up appearances. Well, she don’t care if you’re in a bad mood, your mama is going to tell you to be nice and shut down your mood. #ReasonsWhyWereCodependent

25. “Turn down the music, you’re going to become deaf.”

I truly believed my mom when she told me that as Avril Lavigne was blasting through my boom box. Like, I seriously feared I was going deaf.

26. “If I find it, you’re in trouble.”

Here’s your next move: run to your room, pray to St. Anthony that she never finds it and that you find it, and then pray to the Virgin Mary that your mom has mercy on you.

27. “I do everything for you and this is how you repay me?”

Usually, you’re feeling pretty shitty at this point, because it’s true. Our moms do everything for us, and Latina moms seem to sacrifice more than anyone, and give endlessly to us. I can hear my mom telling me this right now after reading this article. ?

.

.

.

I’M SO SORRY. TE AMO.

28. “What are you going to do the day I die?”

Moms love to talk about the day the die as leverage for forgiveness, or, in probably most cases, as a way to manipulate us into gratitude. Pero verdad, we can’t think about that day because we love our crazy ass moms so much, that the thought of a drama-free life feels like death to us. #VivaLaMama!

Stuck At Home: Mamas Are Showing What They Do To Keep Their Kids Entertained While In Quarantine

Fierce

Stuck At Home: Mamas Are Showing What They Do To Keep Their Kids Entertained While In Quarantine

@tribemecrazy | Instagram

The quarantine struggle, while entirely essential, is getting real. As the summer months grow nearer and the expectations of a lively summer outdoors with friends grow dimmer, we’re all having a hard time being forced to stay at home. No doubt, parents have it particularly hard.

This is especially true considering the fact that many of them are having to not only act as teachers but also has their kids’ sole entertainers.

Recently, we asked FIERCE readers how they are keeping it together while entertaining their kids, and the answers were not only hilarious but helpful!

View this post on Instagram

We need ideas! Help! 😅

A post shared by Fierce by mitú (@fiercebymitu) on

Mostly because so many of the mamas on our page have admitted that as tough as times are, they are managing to handle their kids in stride.

Check out some of their advice tips below.

Find a movie that’s their jam and put it on loop.

“Keeping Steven universe the movie on loop….I know every line now.” – heytymari

Netflix and play

“Legos, cars, coloring, play doh, Disney plus, Netflix, blow up pool, sprinkler, long baths, mud kitchen, and cooking with our three year old. The teens can take care of themselves.” –steeringthestrugglebus

Get into the back yard

“Lots backyard projects, water activities, vinegar/baking soda potions, kinetic sand… you name it we’ve done it! Gotta keep my 4 year old busy.” –  heymijita

Make slime

“Making bath bombs and slime!!!!! Basically arts and crafts!”- this_is_my_ig_yo

Getting them to contribute to the house can be helpful.

“Teaching how to do dishes, sweeping, mopping, baking, cooking with grandparents virtually, childrens podcasts, bike riding, playing games, watching movies as a family, science experiments, making slime.”- 2boldlatinas

Getting entertainment ideas from Pinterest

“Reading, Roblox, Tie-dying, painting, playing b ball, zoom with friends, laser tag, baking, and the rest of the ideas I get from Pinterest.” – natalianaomibrand

And if all else fails Quarantine is also the perfect time to teach your kid some Salsa moves.

“Mom of a almost 3 year old boy. It’s so hard to keep him entertained but we we try with some: dancing, signing, having him “shower” his toys, draw, play dough, bike and scooter outside, have him help me cook and clean, wrestle with his dad, (lmao) etc.” – niraarin

Latinos Shared The Most Messed Up Thing They’ve Ever Done To A Sibling And Y’all Are Cruel

Culture

Latinos Shared The Most Messed Up Thing They’ve Ever Done To A Sibling And Y’all Are Cruel

Jesse / Youtube

We all know that no one knows how to get under our skin quite like our siblings. From the nasty verbal jabs to literal physical jabs, our siblings have gone all out in torturing, humiliating and traumatizing us. Of course, we love them forever, but the marks of their tricks have no doubt left physical and emotional scars.

We asked our audience on Instagram what the most messed up thing they’ve ever done to a sibling was and boy were the responses wild.

Check them out below!

Forging their adoption papers.

“Told my brother he was adopted and made some fake adoption paper work… got him good.”” br1ana21

Giving them the big chop

Yas and Hals / Youtube

“When I was about 12 my sister was 9, she had a bad habit of pulling my hair so one day when she was sleeping I decided to cut her hair.” veronicaortiz360

Dang if my sibling ever does this one to me

“When I was 12 and my brother was 13, I was SO mad that I thought about putting Nair in his hair soap, but I decided that that was too bad so instead I put clear hand soap on his toothbrush 😂” –thefaz3962

Better than the alternative…

Giving them their first scars

Pinterest.com

“Had a little ride-on car when we were little, which was my favorite. My brother liked to use it too much and ride around in it. So I offered to push him around in it (I was 5 and he was 1) but it ended up getting stuck on a crack on the sidewalk and it flipped over. He ended up getting a gash under his chin 😂 has the scar today.”- maria__clarisa

Everyone with this adoption joke…

“So many things… hit them with the vacuum cord, Made one think she was adopted and she believed it for years, you know older sibling stuff.” lillyesc

The ultimate blackmail

“When my brother was 17 and I 12, I found condoms and a thong in his room I blackmailed him for weeks until he snapped and told on himself 😂😂😂 I’m pretty sure I got in trouble for going through his stuff #dublestandard.” duhkarina

Using the Valentina on them

“My brother sleeps with his mouth open so I put some dog kibble in his mouth and then poured Valentina in with it brothers fell asleep so me and my Tia @nessasterk painted his toes, put make-up on him and sprayed perfume on his butt.”- morelia_real

Literally putting them on blast.

(@lungxinyi) | Twitter

“Put my sister @j0celyn09 in the dryer, turned it on for a few seconds and got a royal spanking but she liked it, lol.”- hi.dspnz26

And finally using the ultimate scary weapon against them.

“My brother @edlose_chaidez was bothering and teasing me so I told him to stop if not I would throw a fork at him. He didn’t stop and while he was running away I threw the fork I had at him and hit his arm. He still has a scar from it. Lol.”- yara_nely