The drug trade is supported by a global criminal network of diverse cells that connect consumer markets such as the United States, Europe and Australia to producers in the Global South, in countries such as Bolivia, Mexico, Colombia or war-torn Afghanistan. Some trafficking routes are well laid out and involve chains of corruption and death across the whole continent, in the case of America.
But sometimes amateur smugglers make crazy attempts at taking drugs on planes, boats, buses or across an international border. Now, the drug trade and the countless tragedies it has triggered is nothing to laugh at, but we gotta admit that these over the top smuggling attempts that make us go “Que chingaos estaban pensando?”.
The Australian dude who hid a joint between his butt cheeks. 🍑
A man in the Australian town of Ingham, in Queensland, hid a marijuana cigarette between his cheeks, as reported by police. Office Don Auld told the Herbert River Express: “He had drugs secreted in his buttocks, his bottom”. The police were called to a pub where the offender, who goes by the name of Thomas Mow, punched a window. Todo un caballero… not!
Dream Catchers that were much more than meets the eye!
The United States Costumes and Border Protection found liquid meth inside the hoops of these dream catchers. This happened at the Columbus port of entry back in 2016. In an official release, CBP Columbus Port Director Robert Reza said: “This is one of the most unusual smuggling episodes we have ever encountered. Smugglers will try to conceal their drug loads in everyday items like soft drink cans, framed artwork, and other seemingly innocent items. CBP utilizes numerous inspection techniques that help identify and stop these shipments.”
What about a mesa de futbolito full of Mary Jane?
Wow, these dudes got just a bit too optimistic in stocking 50 bags of marijuana in a Foosball table. The amazing discovery happened in 2016, when U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers at Lewiston Bridge, in the US-Canada border, suspected a Canadian woman because of inconsistencies in her story. “This is an excellent seizure that demonstrates our officers’ dedication to enforcing the CBP mission and protecting the public from illegal narcotics,” said Acting Port Director Cary Frieling in an official statement. See, the border with Mexico is not the only entry point for drugs.
Meth stuffed bra at Nogales!
If you think about it, the places that are the most logical to try to smuggle drugs might be the first that the police search! A woman was stopped at the border in Arizona only to be arrested for having stuffed her bra with meth. She was carrying nearly two pounds, so about $6,000 USD of the drug that would have made much more on the streets.
Coconut, anyone? Oops, is that a bag of MJ?
On May 9, 2016, CBP officers working at the Pharr International Bridge cargo facility found a trailer hauling a commercial shipment of coconuts from Mexico. On closer inspection, they discovered 2,486 packages of marijuana. Those would have been some nightmare-inducing pina coladas! Yes, it might be amusing to read these stories, but we got to consider how it affects farmers in Mexico and the reputation of the country at large.
These tacos taste a bit funny… officers found methamphetamine inside packets of tortillas!
What a waste of good corn tortillas. Officers at the port of Nogales found a whopping $87,000 USD worth of meth inside tortilla packages. The tortillas were being carried by a 62-year-old man who attempted to cross the border on foot.
As reported by The Telegraph, two men were caught at JFK Airport with vast amounts of cocaine inside their pants. The packets were attached to their legs and basically created a cocaine pair of pantalones. The two men were coming on a flight from the Dominican Republic. Did they really think they would get away with it? This has to be one of the dumbest attempts ever. They must have been walking like robots or charros after riding an untamed horse!
Watermelons were full of drogas.
Officials in Pharr, Texas, found 3,000 pounds of marijuana inside a shipment of watermelons. It happened in January 2017 and almost 300 watermelons were taken into custody. Is there a single fruit that hasn’t been used for trafficking purposes?
And bananas in Spain were filled with cocaine!
Spanish authorities made yet another fruit-related discovery. As The Telegraph Online reported back in 2017: “Smugglers appear to be getting more creative after authorities foiled an alleged fake banana smuggling attempt in Spain. The Guardia Civil police have uncovered 17 kilos of cocaine hidden in fake bananas and flaps of cardboard boxes in Valencia and Malaga”. The smugglers went great lengths in trying to consummate their crime: they manufacture fake bananas made with resin and thrown together with real fruit. That is some dedication, and also some excellent police work.
Burritos con todo, porfavor.
Poor burritos, as if their reputation as “not Mexican food wasn’t enough” now they are related to ill smuggling attempts. The Telegraph reports: “A 23-year-old woman has been arrested for attempting to smuggle methamphetamine-stuffed burritos at the United States-Mexico border, authorities say.” Sniffer dogs realized that there was something wrong with the burritos, and the inspectors discovered no guacamole, meat or sour cream was stuffed in the tortillas.
We cannot forget about the dude that tried to smuggle drugs under his toupee.
The Spanish National Police arrested a Colombian man at Barcelona’s Josep Tarradellas Airport with cocaine stashed under his toupee. The photos show just how silly this attempt was. We mean, it is clear that something is going on debajo de esa peluca. How could he probably think that he was going to get away with it?
Fake nalgas don’t fool anyone!
Ha! A Brazilian man tried to smuggle drugs inside a pair of fake buttocks attached to his swimming suit. The man was arrested when attempting to enter Portugal with one kilogram of cocaine. The European market is coveted by smugglers because prices are much higher than in the United States.
A very artful attempt at smuggling.
Colombian police found cocaine mixed into the clay of three replicas of sculptures by artist Fernando Botero. The sculptures were found in a Bogota warehouse and were due to be shipped to Madrid. A police statement said, as reported by BBC: “This is a sophisticated concealment system for the drugs in replicas of sculptures by a renowned Colombian artist.” At least the smugglers had moderately good taste (Botero is a bit kitsch, to be honest).
We’ve got taquerias from LA to Mexico City spreading fake guac (aka mock guac) on our tacos and burritos. While white folk from Australia to the UK are suffering from an epidemic of so-called ‘avocado hand.’ And cartels are killing farmers for their agricultural lands hoping to get in on the avocado boom.
Avocados have long been a favorite of people around the world but all of us have often shared one common complaint – our lovely avocados spoil way too damn fast. Well, finally, one company is trying to fix that issue and it looks like 30 day avocados could be here in the very near future.
Because every last avocado counts, grocery store chain Kroger has debuted avocados sprayed with a new, plant-based coating designed to keep produce fresh longer.
Kroger announced this week that the powdered coating comes from a company called Apeel, and when mixed with water and sprayed onto produce, it keeps oxygen out, prolonging the time before the fruit or vegetable spoils. It’s also being applied to asparagus and limes in a small percentage of Kroger stores. The company hopes the longer-lasting produce will eliminate food waste not only in people’s kitchens, but in the stores themselves.
Apeel Sciences has figured out how to extend the salad days of fruits and vegetables — and it’s bringing the technology to the avocado aisle of 1,100 Kroger grocery stores in the US, starting this month.
The extra longevity comes from Apeel‘s special, plant-derived formulation that’s applied — like a second skin — to a variety of produce. The process can double or, in some cases, triple shelf life. The companies expect the partnership to prevent millions of avocados annually from ending up in landfills.
Kroger, the largest grocery retailer in the US, began selling Apeel avocados exclusively in 109 of its stores earlier this year. Because of the resulting reduction in waste, Apeel says its avocados cost the same or less than other avocados.
A video posted in March compares the lifespans of Apeel fruits and vegetables — including asparagus, tomatoes, strawberries, apples, bananas and limes — with that of their untreated counterparts.
So far, Apeel has developed formulations for about 50 different kinds of produce including apples, artichokes, bananas, beans, blueberries and tomatoes. The company also announced today that it would begin selling limes and asparagus in Kroger’s stores around Cincinnati, Ohio, later this fall.
Apeel and Kroger expect the partnership to help prevent millions of avocados from ending up in landfills, which should help reduce the greenhouse gas emissions that contribute to climate change. They also predict that the deal will save over one billion gallons of water and help preserve dozens of acres of farmland.
Although not everyone is happy about the idea.
One Twitter user said: “My issue isn’t that grocery store avocados go bad, it’s that they never ripen at all. I bought a bunch of avocados yesterday and I’m hoping I’ll have ripe ones by Spring.”
Ok, by Spring? That might be a little dramatic but I think we can all relate. You get to the market and they either have mushy, brown, already spoiled avocados covered in flies or they’re hard as a rock and that delicious guacamole you planned on making tonight to go with those tacos just isn’t happening.
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