40 Thousand Pounds Of Avocados Fell To Their Deaths In A Texas Truck Accident
We all know how expensive avocados have become so some news out of Texas is really upsetting for hipsters and abuelitas across the country. Interstate 10 in central Texas was closed for several hours while officials cleaned up 40,000 pounds of avocados, which, sadly, did not make it to our homes to be far more lovingly smashed into guacamole. According to the Cibolo Police Department, two trucks collided, and Satan allowed for the empty truck to remain upright, while precious cargo was senselessly sacrificed without cause.
On this Day of the Dead, we would be remiss if we did not include the collective mourning Twitter is experiencing from this great loss. No humans died, by the way.
If our rudimentary calculations are correct, that means 106,666.66 avocados met their end on the side of the interstate.
According to Live Science, a single Hass avocado weighs about 6 ounces. With 16 ounces per pound, 40,000 pounds is equivalent to 640,000 ounces. Divide those ounces by the average weight of an avocado. The exact calculation is 106,666.66667 avocados lost.
The road was closed for 13 hours after the accident.
The Cibolo Police Department alerted its residents via social media, saying “At 12:41am, two truck tractor-semi trailers were involved in a major accident. A box trailer full of avocados overturned causing the cargo box to tear open. Several thousand avocados littered the Eastbound lanes of IH-10 at mile marker 599. The second involved big rig was a tanker which remained upright. IH-10 eastbound is currently still closed pending scene clean up. Traffic is being diverted off the main lanes at mile marker 599 and can re-enter at mile marker 600. We will update when the eastbound interstate is back opened. Expect several more hours before complete.”
While their message was all business, their hashtags seemed to reflect that they don’t understand the holiness of avocados: “#fiberhighway #pitsinpits #hearthealthy #whynotdonuts.” My question exactly. Why not Donuts?
Once traffic opened up, the police department joked to “#GuacInPeace.”
The Texas Department of Transportation arranged for crews to clean up the Interstate. Nobody knows what happened to the avocados. They have either been disappeared or else the local dump has become a gold mine. Don’t act like you’re not above eating avocados that have touched the road. #NoAvoLeftBehind
Some folks left joking comments on the Police Department’s Facebook requesting exact GPS coordinates to “help” with the cleanup. A witness of the tragedy commented, “I drove past the aftermath. What a tragic waste of good avocados gone to guacamole smeared all over the highway. :<“
Thankfully, no humans died, though two were seriously injured and transported to the hospital.
“Two occupants, to include the avocado truck driver, were transported by EMS from the scene in stable condition. A third vehicle, a passenger van, was also involved and driven from the scene,” Cibolo Police Department’s Matt Schima told CNN.
Many folks were concerned that the incident would further raise the already increasing cost of avocados. One Javier Chaparro commented, “Seriously!?!? Does the driver know how expensive they are!?!? Wth!?” Someone else guessed, “That’s like, 10 million dollars worth of avocado.” Someone else joked that they were going to “::runs to pick up avocados::” before the prices skyrocket. It’s too soon to say how this accident will affect the daily lives of local Tejanos.
When struck with tragedy, this woman turned pain into haiku.
The unimaginative half of Twitter is taking the opportunity to exclaim “Holy Guacamole!,” but we know there was nothing holy about this incident. We applaud you, Jess Jones, for not saying “Holy guacamole!” Sometimes, a simple heartfelt emoji will do the trick. Moe’s Southwest Grill even replied to a news report of the incident on Twitter with a simple “????.”
On this Day of the Dead, we mourn the loss of 26,666.666 family-sized guacamoles that might have lived on at the foot of an ofrenda.
Or… y’know. In us. Again, note the number of “666”s. This was the loss of an otherwise holy celebration of family, culture, and the coveted avocado, increasingly being held in our hearts and wallets as a Golden Goose Egg. Tejanos, stay vigilant. Maybe follow your local Police Department so we make sure these avocados get into the right hands, Avocado forbid, there be a next time.
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