Culture

Apparently The First English Recipe For Guacamole Was Written By A Pirate And Why Aren’t We Surprised

National Portrait Gallery / Spices In My DNA

Have you ever wondered how guacamole ever made its way into a worldwide phenomenon? That is, beyond the fact that of course everyone likes it because it is hella delicious. Rather, have you brushed up on your history, and could you tell us about the who, what, when, where and how of guac’s ascendency to culinary fame? We’re guessing the answer’s no, since you’re still here, reading. Well, buckle up, kids. This is the story about how the original guac recipe made its way into the English language.

The story starts with a white dude. Because of course it does.

Creative Commons / National Portrait Gallery

To give you a bit of background, British-born William Dampier is the guy who put pen to paper and immortalized the first guacamole recipe in English. But, the story about how he got to that point is more interesting than it would seem. Dampier was a pirate, who started his career in 1679, in Mexico’s Bay of Campeche. This was back in the day where the gold standard of a pirate diet was basically dried beef, bread and warm beer – yeah, there’s nothing more that tastes of success than warm beer. The worst a pirate’s lifestyle lead to situations that included cannibalism and scurvy. It makes Pirates of the Caribbeansound like a picnic.

So here’s the thing. Dampier’s fascination with food is understandable. After all, it’s not like he was experiencing fine dining when he was at sea. What was a little more unusual was the fact that he decided to write about his experiences tasting the myriad of dishes he was offered throughout his travels. In fact, Dampier’s record-keeping was so meticulous that after fifteen years of piracy, he converted his notes into a bestselling novel: A New Voyage Around the World. Okay, okay, he was also probably motivated to explore a career as an author at that time because Spain had sentenced him to a year in prison. Nobody’s perfect, right?

Yeah, but get to the part about guac.

Instagram / @itsfresh

If you’re thinking that Dampier’s story is sounding a little familiar, we’ll tell you why: he was one hell of a basic travel blogger. He literally experienced the same existential crisis we all have in our twenties, decided that the standard career paths in logging and sugar plantations weren’t for him, and then set off around the world documenting his travels. We all know that if he had access to Insta, he would’ve been killing it in the influencer game.

Dampier’s journeys saw him mix with the locals he met throughout Latin America, and that’s where he fell in love with guacamole. It was in the Bay of Panama that Dampier wrote about a fruit “as big as a large lemon … [with] skin [like] black bark, and pretty smooth.” More flavor was added to it when the ripened fruit was “mixed with sugar and lime juice and beaten together [on] a plate.” And there we have it, amigas: the OG guac recipe, in English.

And that brings us to the guac recipes of today.

Pinterest / Macheesmo

Obviously, guacamole as a recipe hasn’t stayed the same since Dampier’s time. Granted, your abuelita probably puts her own special twist on her guac creations. That’s why we all love her so much – and why her guacamole recipes always keep us coming back for seconds … and thirds.

Then again, we’ve also seen some pretty horrendous reincarnations of the beloved guac. Some more atrocious examples of this include adding ranch seasoning to the standard recipe, some godforsaken pineapple guacamole, a moron’s take that saw fresh peas added with a hold on the lime juice, and for whatever reason the decision to include lettuce. Oh, and let’s not forget about the pomegranate guacamole

So, what crazy takes have you seen on the traditional guac? Or better yet, do you have a favorite, go-to guacamole recipe? Let us know on Facebook – you can find us through the icon at the top of the page.

Mexican Food Is Enjoyed Around The World But Not Much Of It Is Authentic As These Epic Food Fails Prove

Culture

Mexican Food Is Enjoyed Around The World But Not Much Of It Is Authentic As These Epic Food Fails Prove

MyRecipes.com

Ah, poor Mexican food. It often falls in las garras of unscrupulous gringos that wish to make the authentic thing, the real deal, but often end up coming up with dishes that make us go no mames instead of yummy. On other occasions these restaurants, people and brands just do a blatant and half-assed attempt to use some Mexican ingredients (or Tex-Mex!) and call that authentic Mexican. 

Here’s some of the most horrible but hilariously wrong attempts to recreate one of the most complex cuisines in the world, which has been recognized by the UNESCO as world heritage, as Herald Sun reported recently: “Mexican food is one of the more nuanced cuisines of the world. It’s also one of only two national cuisines to have been listed by UNESCO as part of the Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity. The other is French gastronomy”. So whenever someone damages the reputation of Mexican food, they are in fact conspiring against humanity as a whole! 

Oven fresh burritos = frozen atrocities.

Credit: Instagram. @tysonmitman

No disrespect to our British friends, but food is not their strongest suit. This atrocious sign is trying to hide the fact that perhaps the burritos they are selling come out of a freezer and probably have that plastic aftertaste so familiar for those who survive on microwave food. No, gracias. 

This hipster monstrosity that gives pumpkin a bad name.

Credit: Instagram. @bigblack1911

OMG! What on Earth is this? We have enough with pumpkin latte season for hipster companies to appropriate our venerable tortilla chip and turn it into this Thanksgiving nightmare. Seriously, dudes, pumpkin tortillas sound just kind of OKish, but adding cinnamon and nutmeg. Gua-ca-la. 

This bad translation, un poquito de esfuerzo mijos!

Credit: Instagram. @roymeyer

What do they take us for? Really, can’t you just do a better job and simply say “slow cooked pork meat” rather than “little meats”? You are not doing a very good job at selling your product, bro. 

We feel for this person whose burrito will just collapse.

Credit: Twitter. @cocoterito

Oh, my! Multiculturalism certainly brings joyful moments of pena ajena. Twitter user Susanita just witnessed her coworker commit the ultimate crime: eating a cold tortilla that will taste like cardboard and that will just crumble before the first bite. 

We can’t even… Seriously, ranch dressing as a hot sauce?

Credit: Instagram. @ArielleMartin

Seriously, who can even consider Ranch or Sriracha to be Mexican condiments? Well, to be honest Sriracha is kind of fine, but ranch dressing? Puaj. 

Crackers as salsa dipping snacks… what fresh hell is this?

Credit: Twitter. @LauraSievert

We can live with stale tortilla chips if the salsa is acceptable… but…. really… crackers? This is just an insult to overall good taste! 

No beans, no life, manitos.

Credit: Instagram. @mrshappyhomemaker

Come on, how can you call yourself a Mexican restaurant and have no refried beans! To see this is levantarse con el pie izquierdo. 

This San Antonio joint that gave Mex food a bad name (and possibly gave gastro to a few customers)

Earlier this year food inspectors shut down a Mexican restaurant in San Antonio, as News4SA reports: “After finding dead roaches and dirty appliances, a traditional Mexican restaurant here in San Antonio fails its latest health inspection. Maria’s Cafe located off Nogalitos Street just south of downtown scored a 62, a failing score”. We can only say “Qué pinche asco“.

A frozen tamale with cheese? Nah! There’s limits that should never be crossed.

We thank the attempts to take Mexican cuisine to the supermarket aisle… but, and this is a big “but”, you gotta do it right. This bad attempt at authenticity is self-incriminatory in its official description: ” Amy’s Cheese Tamale Verde starts with corn masa made from organic white corn and blended with Monterey Jack Cheese, chiles and jalapeños. Then, it is topped off with our slow-simmered verde sauce and served with a side of Spanish rice and organic black beans”. Who on Earth blends masa with cheese? No one!

Please, just stop it with the cheese tamales!

And of course, these ones are presented over a bed of sweet corn… Very authentic…. NOT! This can really work if you want to get on a diet: we are guessing you won’t take a second bite. Well done, Lean Cuisine! 

This overpriced restaurant that doesn’t look like a fonda at all!

Credit: Photo by the author

Fonda Mexican is an Australian chain that claims to make authentic food from South of the Border. Problem is, it ends up being a weird fusion joint that pretends to be authentic. We would be OK with it if it wasn’t so damn pretentious! 

The place tries to look like a traditional family restaurant but ends up being un adefesio.

Credit: Photo by the author

The decor tries to imitate the look and feel of a traditional fonda, but it fails horribly. It all tastes like cultural appropriation, quite frankly. 

And just look at the price of those tacos! 

What? Chimichurri (which is Argentinian) on a taco? And aioli? And pepitas? Give us a break and stop gentrifying everything! 

This banana buñuelo in Tokyo that is just a deep fried tortilla.

At least we appreciate the honesty. Buñuelos are a tradition of Mexican street food. It is a huge sheet of deep fried pastry that is just crunchy and sweet and delicious. We are sure your abuelitas remember eating them after mass on Sundays, as buñuelos vendors usually congregate around churches. Well, the Chiles Mexican Grill in Tokyo serves this blasphemy: a deep fried tortilla with banana and walnut inside. Herejes

The Pancho Villa restaurant in Moscow is just otra cosa.

Credit: Google Maps. @Lora Versus

Reading through the menu of the Pancho Villa restaurant in Moscow is like witnessing a car crash. The squid salad is described as follows: “Squid from the grill, fresh veggies, Mariachi, fried corn  and a dressing of chipotle and mayo”. What do they mean by “Mariachi”? We hope this doesn’t involve some sort of cannibalistic practice!

And does this sound Mexican at all? “Ensalada de Pato. Juicy duck breast with lettuce, corn, pear and cherry tomatoes with a creamy honey dressing”. Damn, it does sound OKish but not Mexican like at all. And what about this atrocity? “Ensalada Yucateca. A traditional Mexican salad: fried ground beef, iceberg lettuce, corn, avocado, lime dressing and pico de gallo”. Really?  That just looks like nachos minus the tortilla chips! We mean, would you eat the weird looking thing in the picture? And who puts jalapeños and black olives together anyways? 

And the one we hate most of all: the abominable taco salad! 

This particular salad comes from the Habaneros Mexican Grill in Edmonton, Canada. This has NOTHING Mexican about it. It is just an overprices Taco Bell-like Tex-Mex… thing. 

We are probably being too harsh on the humble taco salad, but we have had nightmares since POTUS celebrated 5 de Mayo by eating one…

Credit: Giphy. Anonymous. 

We are so sorry for el susto.

Yalitza Aparicio Made Her Debut At NYFW And She Shined Like The Star That She Is Next To The Fashion World’s Elite

Entertainment

Yalitza Aparicio Made Her Debut At NYFW And She Shined Like The Star That She Is Next To The Fashion World’s Elite

Youtube

Indigenous Mexican actress Yalitza Aparicio marked her New York Fashion Week debut at a Michael Kors show this week. The 25-year-old was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actress last year when she made another debut. It was Aparicio’s first time acting when she was cast in Alfonso Cuaron’s 2018 drama Roma. Aparicio has staked her claim as one of Hollywood’s most talented leading ladies. 

She is the first Latinx actress to be nominated for the Best Actress Oscar in 14 years, making her the second Mexican woman to do so, and the first Indigenous American woman to get a nom. Aparicio is Mixtec and Trique. Raised by a single mother who worked as a maid, Aparicio has no formal acting training. She has a degree in early childhood education and was pursuing another in pre-school education when she was cast in Roma. 

Aparicio’s ascent comes at a time when Latinx and indigenous representation are sorely lacking and much needed in media. 

Yalitza Aparicio attends Michael Kors Show at NYFW.

Credit: MichaelKhors / Instagram

Yalitza Aparicio made her New York Fashion Week debut at Michael Kors’ Brooklyn Navy Yard show. Other celebrities in attendance included Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson, Sutton Foster, Lucy Hale, Emily Ratajkowski, Mafalda, Olympia of Greece, and Ella Hunt to name a few.

“I will see how it actually is because all I know is what you see online,” Aparicio told Women’s Wear Daily of seeing the clothes up close for the first time. 

The 25-year-old Roma star is still adjusting to life after awards season. Her breakout performance quickly ushered her into the Hollywood stratosphere, and while Aparicio is in talks for some new roles, she is focused on adjusting and humanitarian work. 

“I was trying to assimilate all that had happened,” she said. “[People] wanted to meet me and ask questions about the film and how it had been filmed all over the world; it was all sort of a big dream.” 

Aparicio sits front row.

Credit: Oaxaca3373 / Instagram

In fashion, it’s considered an honor to be sitting in the front row of a runway show. It’s why snaps of Vogue’s elusive editor Anna Wintour sitting poised with her signature sunglasses have become iconic. Aparicio was not denied a seat at the table, as she was sitting in between the notable leading ladies Sutton Foster, Kate Hudson, and Nicole Kidman. 

Aparicio looked statuesque in a silver, metallic crushed silk lamé wrap dress from the 2019 Michael Kors Collection. 

“I really didn’t think it would happen this soon, but fortunately, through this experience, I’ve been able to really take on the next step,” she told E.T. of her unexpected and exponential rise to success.

“I really learned a lot over this past year, but the most important thing is that at its core, my essence, I’m still the same person,” she continued. “It’s just a matter of adapting everything I’ve learned that really works for me.” 

Native American appropriation still runs rampant in fashion.

Just last week French fashion brand Dior pulled an advertisement following accusations of cultural appropriation. The ad was for the fragrance “Sauvage,” whose spokesperson is Johnny Depp, and featured indigenous people of the Rosebud Sioux Tribe in South Dakota performing the Fancy War Dance. Indigenous people were offended. 

Who are the real sauvages? 

“Using Indigenous people and our culture for your new perfume aesthetic and feeling the need to name it “Sauvage” is a completely bad take. Do better @Dior,” an indigenous person wrote. 

Sauvage is the French word for “savage” an offense term used to describe indigenous people by white colonizers, and one that is still used today to dehumanize indigenous people. This is well-known information, even the Disney animated film Pocahontas, which is a lazy retelling of history at best, features a song called “Savages” sung by the colonizers. 

Indigenous people have long faced discrimination and erasure.

“To describe a Indigenous Person as Sauvage…. Is not cool.. Period. I am not a Savage..we are described in the Declaration of Independence as “Savages”…. So no honor no respect. Coming from a 100 percent indigenous two-spirit… Not cool Johnny,” said one Twitter user. 

Others have pointed out that indigenous people are described as “savages” in the Declaration of Independence as a means to deny their rights. Many indigenous Canadians were especially upset. Canada has a large population of French-Canadians as well as a relatively larger indigenous population, thus the word sauvage, in its most derogatory form, is a constant presence in the lives of indigenous Canadians.  

Aparicio’s presence in NYFW, and in Hollywood, is all the more important as indigenous and Latinx voices need to be heard and represented.