Culture

This Woman Didn’t Realize The Earthquakes Were Happening Until She Livestreamed And It Was Hilarious

How will you behave on the day your big end comes? Will your life flash before your eyes? Will you lay down and be ready and calm as a cucumber when it comes time to meet your maker? These are the questions that keep me awake at night about the people I know and they are the same ones that I got to see answered recently during the earthquakes in Los Angeles. You know, the ones that rocked the earth around Ridgecrest California last weekend with a 7.1 magnitude and the rest of us literally shook.

Many of my nearest and dearest had a hard time dealing with the earthquakes in Los Angeles, which weren’t as nearly impactful as the ones at ground zero. Seriously, I’ve felt more shaken while on a Subway.

But anyway.

Instagram influencer Amber Wagner also experienced the earthquakes and she’s also answering my questions about how she’ll behave when she bites the big one.

When her time comes, Wagner’s reaction proves that she will make Hot Cheetos priority numero uno.

During the earthquake last weekend, Wagner found herself in her car when it suddenly started shaking. At the time she was eating Hot Cheetos and live streaming on Instagram. “It’s an earthquake,” she says suddenly when she realizes that her car is visibly shaking. “It’s an earthquake. It’s a mother fuckin earthquake. Bitch y’all feel that?” She asks to no one in the car.

FYI: Wagner has yet to put or throw or Cheetos down. Priorities.

“The mutherfuckin’ windows are shaking on the barbershop and shit. Bitch it’s a big ass earthquake right now. Oh my god,” THEN she puts down the Cheetos before asking. “Oh shit Jesus, is this it?”

Of course, we were all SUPER worried for Amber and her experience…

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Truly.

But also. Slightly amused?

Amber asking NO ONE in the car if they “feel that??” is the best part of the video.

Oh, wait, no. I forgot. This is.

Literally cannot stop, will not stop laughing at this question.

And honestly, mostly it’s just because its a reaction that was just better said than my own.

Which was essentially me crying and calling my mom while I tore ass to get outside. Which apparently you aren’t even supposed to do??

But above all, the greatest thing about this video is Amber’s devotion to that Hot Cheetos bag.

I salute you, Amber. Live long and prosper. And I hope you live streamed or videod your reaction to today’s earthquake because I will be looking out for it.

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There’s A Reason This Brutally Honest Adoption Ad For A ‘Demonic Man-Hating Chihuahua’ Named Prancer Went Viral

Things That Matter

There’s A Reason This Brutally Honest Adoption Ad For A ‘Demonic Man-Hating Chihuahua’ Named Prancer Went Viral

Adopter be ware.

That’s the message that a desperate New Jersey foster mom shared in a recent plea to animal lovers potentially interested in adopting a Chihuahua named Prancer. In a viral post shared on Facebook, animal foster mom Tyfanee Fortuna attempted to make an appeal to adopters on behalf of the dog whom she describes as a “haunted Victorian child in the body of a small dog that hates men and children.”

The post didn’t take long to go viral.

In a shockingly honest post, Fortuna spoke on the personality traits of the dog named Prancer on social media.

“There’s not a very big market for neurotic, man-hating, animal-hating, children-hating dogs that look like gremlins,” Fortuna underlined in the post shared to Facebook. “But I have to believe there’s someone out there for Prancer, because I am tired and so is my family. Every day we live in the grips of the demonic Chihuahua hellscape he has created in our home.”

It didn’t take long for Fortuna’s comedic Facebook post about Prance to amass nearly 64K shares.

“Prancer only likes women. Nothing else,” another portion of the post explained. “He hates men more than women do, which says a lot. If you have a husband don’t bother applying, unless you hate him.”

Smitten viewers of the post who were interested in Prancer were thankfully quick to request a chance to adopt him.

https://twitter.com/HLMongoose/status/1380505940265463818/photo/4

“We are still accepting applicants who are within a 3- to 4-hour radius of New Jersey, as we are still sifting through applications and trying to pick out his best fit,” Fortuna explained to Today in an interview. “A lot of people have applied who have husbands and pets, and we’d prefer he go to a home with just women and no other pets.”

Fortuna works as foster mom for the Oak Ridge, New Jersey-based Second Chance Pet Adoption League and is hopeful that someone will help Prancer find a suitable and loving home. 

WhileFortuna was sure to underline some of Prancer’s more intense traits, she also listed those that plenty would find loveable.

“He is loyal beyond belief, although to tell you a secret his complex is really just a facade for his fear. If someone tried to kill you I can guarantee he would run away screeching. But as far as companionship, you will never be alone again,” she wrote of the sweetie. “He likes to go for car rides, he is housebroken, he knows a few basic commands, he is quiet and non-destructive when left alone at home, and even though we call him bologna face he is kind of cute to look at.”

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Florida Moves To Ban Iguanas (Among Other Animals) As They Start Showing Up In People’s Toilets

Things That Matter

Florida Moves To Ban Iguanas (Among Other Animals) As They Start Showing Up In People’s Toilets

There’s never a dull moment in Florida. The state is well known for its fondness for all things exotic and/or strange, it has a long history of accommodating religious cults and now the ex-President Trump calls the state home. But now the state is trying to clamp down on another unwanted resident – invasive reptiles that are overrunning the state and literally showing up in people’s toilets.

Florida moves to ban iguanas as they become an invasive species in the state.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has ruled that within the next few weeks the breeding and dealing of 16 of the most ecologically-damaging non-native species must be brought to a halt. The ban will apply to several types of python that have proliferated to crisis point in the Everglades, as well as all types of tegu lizards, anacondas, Nile monitor lizards and green iguanas.

Green iguanas have multiplied in Florida to such a degree since they were first spotted there in 1960 that they are regarded as an environmental hazard. They puncture seawalls, tear up sidewalks and carry salmonella.

An animal once prized as an exotic curiosity is now widely decried as a pest. The iguanas hang out on roofs, dig under houses and to the horror of home owners can crawl into sewers only to emerge, thrashing around, in the toilet bowl.

The state conservation commission now encourages Floridians to humanely kill the lizards, which can grow up to 5ft and 17lbs, on their own property. No hunting licenses are required.

Iguanas are just one of many exotic animals that have become a problem for the state.

In an effort to protect local ecology, economy, and human health, the state is making it illegal for Floridians to breed or sell such animals as Burmese and scrub pythons, Green anacondas, Nile monitors, green iguanas, and tegus, among several other invasive species. Finalized on February 25, the new rules are meant to improve the regulations on the ownership of invasive reptiles in Florida, and they’re expected to go into effect later this summer. 

“Stringent biosecurity measures are required for those entities in possession of Prohibited species to limit escapes,” declares the Florida wildlife commission in its guidelines. 

These reptiles are becoming a major menace in the state, ravaging sensitive ecosystems and wreaking havoc in urban environments. The Burmese python, for example, is now endemic in the Everglades, where it consumes a wide variety of prey. 

But not everyone is onboard with the idea of banning the sale of these animals.

When the commission debated the rules last month it was inundated with comments, many from exotic pet owners and breeders pleading for the ban not to go ahead. As the Washington Post reported, one woman burst into tears over the idea of losing her pet iguanas and pythons.

“If you take them away, I would be really messed up,” she wailed.

But the spread of invasive species through sensitive ecosystems such as the Everglades is happening at such speed that the state felt duty bound to act. The reptiles are also causing havoc in urban areas.

To soften the blow to pet owners, a concession has been tucked into the new regulations. Anyone who cannot contemplate the thought of being parted from their iguana or tegu can apply for a free permit. But the reprieve will last only for the life of the animal. Once the critter is gone, it cannot be replaced by a new pet from the list of banned species.

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