comedy

Check Out Some Of Yesika Salgado’s Best Clapbacks To Creepy Men Hitting On Her On Dating Apps

Yesika Salgado is an Los Angeles-based writer known for her poems about body positivity, love, heartbreak, and more. From time to time, the poet gives us a glimpse of her love life and posts the sometimes ridiculous (and hilarious) messages she receives on dating apps. Some men just don’t know how to approach a woman properly and it is likely because of all of these dating apps. It has suddenly become so much less personal. Here are some of her best responses of all time.

1. Nothing like a subtle invite for a threesome to spell out modern romance.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

Legit, this LA heat is brutal. A moment in the air conditioning with some ice cold water does sound tempting. That’s what he meant, right?

2. She takes life lessons from some of the most important television shows.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

See? Next time your mom says anything about watching too much tv, remind her that it can be educational. Detective Olivia Benson would be proud.

3. What’s sexier than your career ambitions?

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

We can only assume that that’s what he meant. It is important to have goals in life and it is nice when strangers take an interest.

4. Why not take a page out of their book and use their own lines against them?

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

Talk about a savage reality check. He didn’t even see it coming and it is gold.

5. Salgado proves that it is never a bad time to shut it down.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

It is really important to grow with every new year. Unfortunately, some people just don’t do that and they need to be reminded.

6. Nothing like looking for friends…with benefits?

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

What do you think is an appropriate pick up line for someone who is 31?

7. Some people just left us, and Salgado, confused.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

That’s a sentence alright. Now, what he was trying to say gets a little confusing.

8. Come correct or you might not make it out in one piece.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

Like, who was he trying to reach? Also, why is that an opening line?

9. Emoji for Emoji. Seems fair, right?

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

Some times the shortest conversations are the most impactful conversations. That’s one way to cut it out.

10. To be fair, she does let men know what she wants.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

Very Destiny’s Child. Pay the bills and prove you are in it for the long haul and then you get to reap all of the benefits.

11. There’s nothing better than pointing out a comical spelling error.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

Seriously, dude. You want to talk a big, inappropriate game and you can’t even spellcheck?

12. Word matter, kids.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

Good is fine but do you want good food or amazing food? Same goes for sex. Up your game, fellas.

13. She gets creative with her rejections and they are brilliant.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

There’s being rejected online low and getting rejected by a ghost online low.

14. After a while, some people lose their cool because some people don’t get the hint.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

His “Ok ty” response to her blow up is kind of hilarious. That’s one gracious way to accept a rejection.

15. Don’t brag about your anatomical skills if you don’t want to hear about other people’s skills.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

Everyone has something they’re proud of. A properly bending elbow is something to celebrate.

16. Let’s cool it with all of the body contact during this hot af summer.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

Seriously. It is so hot. Most of us just want to be still and try to stay cool.

17. Some messages are better left without a response.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

Don’t even bother dignifying these kinds of comments with responses. They just aren’t worth it.

18. Thankfully a few men are concerned about other people and their well-being.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

Like this fine gentleman. Look at him asking her if she is feeling okay.

19. She even turned that BBC acronym around and left people confused.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

A British accent might be boring but they did invent manners. Might be something some of these men should look into.

20. And, when all else fails, summon some Harry Potter help.

CREDIT: yesikastarr / Instagram

Will immortality be the secret to finding a good man?


READ: These 23 Latino Authored Books Will Help You Get Through 2018

Share this story with all of your friends by tapping that little share button below!

Paid Promoted Stories

Here's The Ultimate Recap From Last Season To Prepare You For The New Season Of OITNB

entertainment

Here’s The Ultimate Recap From Last Season To Prepare You For The New Season Of OITNB

Orange Is The New Black / Netflix

You don’t need to rewatch Season 5 of “Orange is the New Black” (OITNB) to watch the latest release (July 27) of Season 6, because I already did that for you. And a lot happened to some of our favorite women in the series, with Daya and Gloria at the center of it all. In case you forgot, there was a prison riot, a corrections officer was shot and killed and there was even a talent show.

The next 25 screengrabs will tell you everything you need to remember about last season in less than 3 minutes. Ready, set, dale.

Season 5 started where Season 4 left off with Daya holding a gun at a guard.

CREDIT: Netflix

Season 4’s cliffhanger was right after Poussey Washington was killed by an untrained guard who suffocated her to death. The prison erupted in chaos and Daya was able to grab the gun of one of the most sadistic guards in television history.

Daya ended up shooting him in the thigh. He was sent to medics, but eventually had a stroke from loss of blood and died towards the end of the season.

Taystee led an online revolution to get justice for Poussey.

CREDIT: Netflix

With the prison taken over by the inmates, Taystee took advantage of Internet access and posted the truth about what happened to her very best friend. No officer was being held accountable for Poussey’s death, and the anger Taystee shows during this entire season is representative of all of black and brown America.

The girls held a seance for Poussey.

CREDIT: Netflix

It was a little creepy. They sat in a circle on the ground where Poussey died. Basically, nothing happened except for Taystee and Poussey’s girlfriend, Soso, getting into a fight.

The next day, Soso built an art installation in Poussey’s honor.

CREDIT: Netflix

Poussey loved the library and loved to read. We all were crying at this point in the season, and if you weren’t, then you weren’t paying attention.

Meanwhile, Spanish Harlem took over the prison.

CREDIT: Netflix

Because if you have the gun, then you’re in charge. Daya had the gun. Maria especially had nothing to lose after shady officer Piscatella told her she was getting another 5 years added to her sentence. Sh*t was cray.

But then, the meth-heads got the gun and sh*t got even scarier.

CREDIT: Netflix

They’re not the most steady people, and have some pretty high-flying emotions about cough syrup and whether people should speak Spanish or English. 😒

7. Meanwhile, Taystee was taking hostage photos of the prison guards and Warden Caputo.

CREDIT: Netflix

While Taystee and her crew was trying to negotiate with MCC (the private prison company that took over Litchfield) and the Governor for simple rights, like health care, pay for labor, and edible food, the meth heads had other priorities.

The inmates forced the hostages to hold a talent show.

CREDIT: Netflix

Yup, the officers put on a talent show of singing, dancing and magic tricks. They didn’t say what the prize would be, but you definitely want to please criminals with a gun, especially after one of your own was shot. It’s Talent Under Duress, fun!

OK, but it actually was entertaining.

CREDIT: Netflix

Magic Mike over here had some other extracurricular talents outside of his prison guard training that in the end, made one of the girls jealous and the whole situation even more unstable.

Eventually, one of the officers, who was in hiding, was able to grab the gun and make his escape.

Maritza and Flaca became internet famous.

CREDIT: Netflix

There are a lot of ways to use a toilet plunger, tu sabes? I’m obsessed with how quickly these two turned their prison uniforms into some very cute Halloween costumes. Please @ us if you dressed like them for Halloween last year?!

Flaca shared her DIY prison makeup ritual, which included Sazón Adobo.

CREDIT: Netflix

I appreciate that, really. You just need some cinnamon, cumin and Goya Sazón Adobo to get that “DIY fly” contour look. Their love story was the only one that matters.

But Poussey and Soso tears me up hard.

The duo went around giving prisoners makeovers.

CREDIT: Netflix

I mean, initially, Piper asked them to beautify the actual prison space, but they took it upon themselves to beautify the prisoners. They care about the human, OK. 😛

On a more serious note, Taystee ended up hosting her own media conference.

CREDIT: Netflix

The revolutionaries came up with a list of demands, which included Takis and hot Cheetos, and posted it to the door of the prison, and online. This is what launched their negotiations with the Governor.

The governor delivered on Takis and Cheetos.

CREDIT: Netflix

Once the girls felt like their needs were being heard, they started to feel like they were winning and celebrated like winners. 😍

But when they found out that this was all they would get, they burned it to the ground.

CREDIT: Netflix

Literally. Also, in public, on television. I so desperately want Taystee to go become a spokesperson for prison rights when she gets out. Whose with me?

Daya finally came to terms with her reality.

CREDIT: Netflix

But not without the help of Gloria, who made it abundantly clear to her that none of this is her mother, Aleida’s, fault. She pulled the trigger on that gun. This was on her.

Aleida, soaked up a little fame on TV.

CREDIT: Netflix

Eventually, Aleida’s appearance is what made the shooting come out to the public. Daya was going down.

Daya turned herself in during the riot to help the negotiations.

CREDIT: Netflix

We don’t know exactly what is going to happen to her in Season 6, but we imagine that she’ll spend the rest of her life in max.

Gloria had her own stuff to deal with, like her son in the hospital.

CREDIT: Netflix

She even came up with a plan to move the hostages into the port-a-potties so that she could cut a hole into the fence and release them in an effort to get authorities to work with her in exchange for her part.

Unfortunately, Maria found out and did it before Gloria had the chance to take the last step.

CREDIT: Netflix

When her fellow inmates found out Gloria was going to betray them and the negotiations, they locked her up with the remaining officers.

We don’t know if Maria is even going to get out.

CREDIT: Netflix

Essentially, the governor’s aid told her that she can’t make any promises. Maria was able to get a few minutes with her baby though. We have no clue what will happen next for her.

Piscatella broke into the prison and tortured Red and her crew.

CREDIT: Netflix

Which was one of the scariest parts of the entire season. He shaved the top of Red’s head off and terrorized the girls until other women heard them screaming and sedated and tied Piscatella up.

Once the hostages were released, the negotiations went south.

CREDIT: Netflix

The governor wouldn’t budge on honoring Poussey’s death as a murder and Taystee wouldn’t budge on getting justice. Because of Maria’s move, the negotiations completely fell apart and SWAT showed up in riot gear and started manhandling the women.

Maritza and Flaca were separated. 💔

CREDIT: Netflix

Again, the only love story we care about and all we know is that the two are sent to different prisons, making the riot their last hurrah (as far as we know).

The season ended with an explosion.

CREDIT: Netflix

The remaining girls left in the prison were hiding out in an emptied out pool. They know that the men injure any women who try to resist, so they hold hands and stand in peace and dignity. We know that the Governor gave orders to remove them “by all means necessary.”

The last thing we heard was an explosion at the door. The only way to know what happens next is to get into your piyamas, fry up some tostones and Netflix and binge. ✌️


READ: Here’s What The OINTB Cast Has Been Up To Since Last Season

Share this story with all of your friends by tapping that little share button below!