comedy

You Probably Did Saturday Morning House Cleaning To These Songs And Didn’t Realize They Were Sexual AF

Saturday mornings in your household probably started a lot like mine. The windows were flung all the way open, letting the chilly morning air in. The cross breeze used to be enough to wake you up, but you learned to bring an extra blanket to bed with you to stay soundly asleep just a little longer. If the Mistolín didn’t get you next, it was the Clorox Bleach or ammonia vapors creeping in, making your eyes bleed with tears. And if you were truly a human monster and could sleep through aaaalll of that, the music turned up to 1000 blasting through the carefully curated sound system in your living room got you.

Boleros, salsa, merengue, bachata or OG reggaeton songs by El General were the Saturday morning alarm clock waking you up. What you didn’t realize then though is that our parents were freaks. Those “romance” songs were full of innuendo and metaphors that were downright dirty. I kind of feel like giving my mom a high five for getting down like that, but every time I think about it I almost start puking. So I’ll keep my cheers to myself as I go down memory lane, thinking of all the songs I didn’t realize I should’ve been covering my ears for.

Juan Luis Guerra – “Burbujas De Amor”

Credit: VideosMusicaVEVO/ YouTube

As a kid I had no idea what he meant with lyrics like “quisiera ser un pez/ para tocar mi nariz en tu pecera” (“I’d like to be a fish rubbing my nose in your fishbowl”). We can all understand now that he was basically saying “let me put my this in your that.” Guerra also sings “mojado en ti,” meaning “wet by you.” If you’re drenched IN someone else, you’re going to need more than a Kleenex to handle that mess.

El General – “Tu Pum Pum”

Credit: Michael Ellis/ YouTube

When you grow up with drums and rhythm in your life, hearing a reggaeton beat for the first time speaks to you. That’s what happened when I heard El General’s “Tu Pum Pum” when I was a kid. I didn’t mind scrubbing the tub if I could jam, too. Little didn’t I know “Tu Pum Pum” is a song dedicated to lady parts. If I had known the line “Tu pum pum digo se van a estirar” meant your “pum pum” is going to get stretched, I would’ve cut the cord on my mom’s stereo.

Luis Miguel – “Suave”

Credit: Warner Music/ YouTube

If you’re not paying attention, the sexuality of “Suave” will pass you by. As a kid, this Luis Miguel classic had me doing The Carlton anytime it played. When Luismi sings “nuestros cuerpos no quieren parar” (“our bodies don’t want to stop”), I though he was singing about having fun dancing. It really wasn’t until I saw the music video, which features very little dancing (a few shoulder shimmies by Luismi, at best) that I realized it was a sexy song. Also, the video has some real threesome vibes. Stranger still, the main love interests in the video have branches and twigs in their hair. Role play, much?

Julio Iglesias – “Bacalao”

Credit: JulioIglesiasVevo/ YouTube

I don’t know how this one even got past me. When this song came out I was about to hit my teens and I still couldn’t make the connection. It’s dedicated to how much he loves bacalao. You know, cod fish. You’ve never heard a man talk so sexually about this particular fish. He sings “pues como tu bacalao / yo no he probado otro igual,” meaning I haven’t tasted a fish like yours. Fam, word? You couldn’t think of a better euphemism for lady parts than fish? Who let you out of the house, grandpa?

La Sonora Dinamita – “Mi Cucu”

Credit: uhbytube/ YouTube

When you’re an innocent child, if you hear the word “cucu” you just assume people are saying “cukoo,” as in crazy. That’s funny and acceptable, especially for kids. Nothing untoward there, right? Except, wrong, the song’s about a woman’s “cucu.” Based on the song’s overall lyrics, it sounds like “cucu” might possibly, most definitely be about butts. The song goes “tan bello tu cucu, redondito y suavecito,” or “so beautiful your cucu, round and smooth.” These might’ve been the best lyrics about butts until Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” took that thrown. And there I was, just sweeping the floors, singing about “cucus” while shaking my own.

It’s probably better I didn’t know what these songs meant while cleaning. Although, it should have come as no surprise that my mom was listening to these undercover freaky jams back in the day. I mean, I’m sure that’s how I got made.

Excuse me while I go puke. ?


READ: 11 Things Every Guy Dreads Every Time He’s Asked To Be A Chambelan


What songs did you sing as a kid while cleaning on Saturday mornings without knowing they were actually sexy songs? Share with your siblings with the links below!

A Look Back At ‘The Proud Family’ And Everything We Loved About The Show

Entertainment

A Look Back At ‘The Proud Family’ And Everything We Loved About The Show

The Proud Family / Disney

Disney Channel had an iconic moment during the 1990s and early 2000s. The channel gave use Disney Original Movies that we still remember to this day. Not to mention, the network was pumping out some of the best TV shows animated and live-action. One of those shows that will always be in our mind is “The Proud Family.”

Let’s start with singing along to one of the most iconic theme songs of TV history.

Brought to you by none other than Solange and Destiny’s Child, “The Proud Family” theme song is something you will never forget. Be honest. As soon as this song started playing, all of the words have come flooding back to you and you’re singing along.

This show brought Black culture to the Disney audience like never before.

There is a reason that people are so connected to the show. It was fun, authentic, and delivered by the best cast imaginable.

Of course, so many of us clung to the Afro-Latino Boulevardez family.

Credit: The Proud Family / Disney

LaCienega Boulevardez was one of Penny’s closest friends and her neighbor. Her parents, Felix and Sunset Boulevardez, along with her abuelo Papi, were always involved with the shenanigans with the Proud family one way or the other. It was a moment in time when we were able to see an Afro-Latino family represented like every other family but with two cultures instead of one.

And it wasn’t until we were older that we got the joke about their names.

Credit: calvinstowell / Twitter

La Cienega and Sunset boulevards are major roads in Los Angeles and La Cienega deadends into Sunset in West Hollywood. That’s right. The daughter and mother from the Boulevardez family are named after two major LA roads.

Alisa Reyes gave her voice to LaCienega Boulevardez.

Credit: alisareyes / Instagram

The “All That” cast member is the woman behind the iconic Disney cartoon character. Since the show, Reyes has continued acting and has become a musician. If you want to check out her music, you can check out her video for her single “Sexy Hot” here.

Sunset Boulevardez was voiced by Maria Canals-Barrera.

Credit: maria_cb / Instagram

Before “The Wizards of Waverly Place,” Canals-Barrera was Sunset Boulevardez. Honestly, one of the most iconic Disney moms ever.

Who else knew that Carlos Mencia was the voice behind Felix Boulevardez.

Credit: arlosmencia / Instagram

Now that I listen to it, I can definitely hear it. It wasn’t long after the start of “The Proud Family” that Mencia’s career really took off.

LaCienega Boulevardez holds a very important place in television history, even if she had big feet.

It was one of the first times young Afro-Latina viewers could see themselves finally represented on television. The character existing on a children’s cartoon show makes it even more impactful. It is a storyline and identity so rarely seen on television at the time.

The show included Afro-Latino celebrities into the story with well-placed cameos.

Who could possibly forget Mariah Carey playing Mariah Carey? Her pet monkey François was sick and, fortunately, Dr. Trudy Proud was able to help Carey’s pet get better.

In the time of reboots and revivals, it is nice to go back and revisit some of your faves exactly as they were. All these years later, “The Proud Family” continues to be one of those shows we all love and remember.

Who else remembers watching “The Proud Family” when they were younger?

READ: 25 Latino TV And Movie Characters That Stole Your Niñez

The Nominations For The Billboard Latin Music Awards Are Out And Here’s Who Made The List

Entertainment

The Nominations For The Billboard Latin Music Awards Are Out And Here’s Who Made The List

badbunnypr / ozuna / Instagram

The nominees for the 2020 Billboard Latin Music Awards are out and some of your faves are claiming several spots on the list. Bad Bunny and Ozuna are leading the pack with 14 nominations each. The two reggaetoneros claimed nominations for the coveted Artists of the Year award. All four nominees for Artist of the Year are male. Here the artists nominated for this year’s Billboard Latin Music Awards.

First, let’s breakdown the nominees for Artist of the Year.

Bad Bunny

Bad Bunny had an exceptional 2019. The Puerto Rican artist teamed up with Colombian superstar J Balvin on the collaborative album “Oasis.” The album brought us hits like “Que Pretendes” and “La Canción.” The reggae star also become politically active this year joining other Puerto Rican celebrities to travel to the Caribbean island to participate in protests against former Governor Ricardo Rosselló and Rosselló’s proposed anti-LGBTQ legislation.

J Balvin

The Colombian music star has been everywhere this year. Balvin not only partnered with Bad Bunny for collaborative album “Oasis,” he released a slew of new songs in 2019. The singer teamed up with Maluma to create “Qué Pena” and we spent most of last year jamming out to that single. Balvin is in tied in second place with Daddy Yankee with 12 nominations.

Ozuna

Despite a longterm scandal involving extortion and a sex tape, Ozuna kept things going and delivered high power music last year. The Puerto Rican singer joined Karol G, Anuel AA, Daddy Yankee, and J Balvin on “China,” which has garnered more than 1 billion views on YouTube.

Romeo Santos

Romeo Santos spent 2019 collabing with so many different artists. His year of collaborations includes “Me Quedo” with Zacarias Ferreira and “ileso” with Teodoro Reyes. Santos has been nominated for five other awards including Canción del Año, Streaming for “Ella Quiere Beber” with Anuel AA, Top Latin Album, Artista del Año, Masculino, Categoria Tropical, Canción Tropical del Año for “Aullando” with Wisin and Yandel, and Álbum Tropical del Año for “Utopia.”

Here is a full list of nominees in the top categories for the 2020 Billboard Latin Music Awards.

Artista del Año / Artist of the Year:

Bad Bunny
J Balvin
Ozuna
Romeo Santos

Artista del Año, Debut / Artist of the Year, New:

Jhay Cortez
Manuel Turizo
Paulo Londra
Sech

Gira del Año / Tour of the Year:

Bad Bunny
Chayanne
Jennifer Lopez
Marc Anthony

Artista del Año, Redes Sociales / Social Artist of the Year

Anuel AA
Becky G
Daddy Yankee
Lali

Artista Crossover del Año / Crossover Artist of the Year

DJ Snake
Drake
Katy Perry
Snow

Check out the full list of nominees by clicking here.

READ: Bad Bunny Released A New Song In Honor Of Kobe Bryant And Fans Are Crying