comedy

You Probably Did Saturday Morning House Cleaning To These Songs And Didn’t Realize They Were Sexual AF

Saturday mornings in your household probably started a lot like mine. The windows were flung all the way open, letting the chilly morning air in. The cross breeze used to be enough to wake you up, but you learned to bring an extra blanket to bed with you to stay soundly asleep just a little longer. If the Mistolín didn’t get you next, it was the Clorox Bleach or ammonia vapors creeping in, making your eyes bleed with tears. And if you were truly a human monster and could sleep through aaaalll of that, the music turned up to 1000 blasting through the carefully curated sound system in your living room got you.

Boleros, salsa, merengue, bachata or OG reggaeton songs by El General were the Saturday morning alarm clock waking you up. What you didn’t realize then though is that our parents were freaks. Those “romance” songs were full of innuendo and metaphors that were downright dirty. I kind of feel like giving my mom a high five for getting down like that, but every time I think about it I almost start puking. So I’ll keep my cheers to myself as I go down memory lane, thinking of all the songs I didn’t realize I should’ve been covering my ears for.

Juan Luis Guerra – “Burbujas De Amor”

Credit: VideosMusicaVEVO/ YouTube

As a kid I had no idea what he meant with lyrics like “quisiera ser un pez/ para tocar mi nariz en tu pecera” (“I’d like to be a fish rubbing my nose in your fishbowl”). We can all understand now that he was basically saying “let me put my this in your that.” Guerra also sings “mojado en ti,” meaning “wet by you.” If you’re drenched IN someone else, you’re going to need more than a Kleenex to handle that mess.

El General – “Tu Pum Pum”

Credit: Michael Ellis/ YouTube

When you grow up with drums and rhythm in your life, hearing a reggaeton beat for the first time speaks to you. That’s what happened when I heard El General’s “Tu Pum Pum” when I was a kid. I didn’t mind scrubbing the tub if I could jam, too. Little didn’t I know “Tu Pum Pum” is a song dedicated to lady parts. If I had known the line “Tu pum pum digo se van a estirar” meant your “pum pum” is going to get stretched, I would’ve cut the cord on my mom’s stereo.

Luis Miguel – “Suave”

Credit: Warner Music/ YouTube

If you’re not paying attention, the sexuality of “Suave” will pass you by. As a kid, this Luis Miguel classic had me doing The Carlton anytime it played. When Luismi sings “nuestros cuerpos no quieren parar” (“our bodies don’t want to stop”), I though he was singing about having fun dancing. It really wasn’t until I saw the music video, which features very little dancing (a few shoulder shimmies by Luismi, at best) that I realized it was a sexy song. Also, the video has some real threesome vibes. Stranger still, the main love interests in the video have branches and twigs in their hair. Role play, much?

Julio Iglesias – “Bacalao”

Credit: JulioIglesiasVevo/ YouTube

I don’t know how this one even got past me. When this song came out I was about to hit my teens and I still couldn’t make the connection. It’s dedicated to how much he loves bacalao. You know, cod fish. You’ve never heard a man talk so sexually about this particular fish. He sings “pues como tu bacalao / yo no he probado otro igual,” meaning I haven’t tasted a fish like yours. Fam, word? You couldn’t think of a better euphemism for lady parts than fish? Who let you out of the house, grandpa?

La Sonora Dinamita – “Mi Cucu”

Credit: uhbytube/ YouTube

When you’re an innocent child, if you hear the word “cucu” you just assume people are saying “cukoo,” as in crazy. That’s funny and acceptable, especially for kids. Nothing untoward there, right? Except, wrong, the song’s about a woman’s “cucu.” Based on the song’s overall lyrics, it sounds like “cucu” might possibly, most definitely be about butts. The song goes “tan bello tu cucu, redondito y suavecito,” or “so beautiful your cucu, round and smooth.” These might’ve been the best lyrics about butts until Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” took that thrown. And there I was, just sweeping the floors, singing about “cucus” while shaking my own.

It’s probably better I didn’t know what these songs meant while cleaning. Although, it should have come as no surprise that my mom was listening to these undercover freaky jams back in the day. I mean, I’m sure that’s how I got made.

Excuse me while I go puke. ?


READ: 11 Things Every Guy Dreads Every Time He’s Asked To Be A Chambelan


What songs did you sing as a kid while cleaning on Saturday mornings without knowing they were actually sexy songs? Share with your siblings with the links below!

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Demi Lovato Gasses Up Her Teen Self In Her Latest Music Video ‘OK Not to Be OK’

Entertainment

Demi Lovato Gasses Up Her Teen Self In Her Latest Music Video ‘OK Not to Be OK’

Pixl Networks

Demi Lovato is hardly a stranger to opening up about the things that have plagued her. The “Sorry Not Sorry” singer has long used her voice and platform to shed light on the issues that so many young girls struggle with. Namely body image. Like many young girls across the country (who are reportedly more likely to suffer from the pressures of our society’s pressure to obtain the “ideal body”) Demi Lovato has been open about her years struggling with eating disorders. Moreover, in recent years Lovato has positioned herself as an advocate for young girls suffering from similar issues.

In a recent music video, Lovato is opening up about her pain by doing so with a girl she can relate to on a completely different level: her younger self.

Lovato’s newest song comes with a heartwrenching and brilliant collab with Marshmello.

In her latest video, Lovato finds herself transported to her childhood bedroom, waking up in her old bed. When she looks in the mirror, she finds herself staring straight into the face of her younger self (a la Camp Rock). Marshmello also wakes up in his own childhood room, and the two artists end up settling with their past demons throughout the rest of the video. 

The lyrics of the song detail the process of coming to terms with dark emotions and mental health struggles. “Don’t get lost in the moment, or give up when you’re closest,” Lovato sings in the new music video. “All you need is somebody to say, it’s OK not to be OK.”

Throughout the video, the teenage and adult versions of Lovato and Marshmellow rage in their bedrooms in the video before ultimately finding a balance. The video concludes with both versions of Demi holding hands and meeting up with the teenage and adult versions of Marshmello while dancing down a street.

“I think it’s just such an important subject,” Marshmello said about the song’s release on World Suicide Prevention Day. “I think a lot of people, about negative feelings and negative thoughts that are affecting them are kind of scared to bring it up, scared to talk about it. When in reality, they’re scared because maybe the person won’t relate or the person won’t understand, when in reality most of time the person that you could bring it up to, will most likely has felt like this or will understand or can relate as well. So I think it’s very important to talk about it.”

Check out the music video below!

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Someone Did A Mashup Of ‘Wap’ With A Taylor Swift Classic And Cardi B Has Feelings

Entertainment

Someone Did A Mashup Of ‘Wap’ With A Taylor Swift Classic And Cardi B Has Feelings

WMG/ UMG

You’d think with a completely unwholesome hit like “WAP” nothing could shock Cardi B.

The rapper, who broke records over the summer with her big “WAP” collaboration with Megan Thee Stallion, has had quite a bit to revel in since the release of her song. The rap single made history in August when it became the first female rap collaboration to debut at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. At the same time, it also became the most-streamed track of 2020 within just a week of it being streamed. Still, “WAP” continues to give.

So, again, nothing should be shocking Cardi but then… someone did a “WAP”/ Taylor Swift mashup.

British-South African model/Instagram star Niamh Adkins recently performed a comedic mashup of “WAP” and a Tay Swift Hit.

For her mashup, Adkins sported the OG Squeaky Clean Taylor Swift Country Girl Lewk to recreate the beginning of Tay’s hit music video “You Belong With Me”. Things get really good halfway through when the track jumps to “WAP” and Adkins drops to the floor to some moves from Cardi B’s music video.

“I ain’t saw that coming,” Cardi, who tweeted in response to the music video, which surprisingly combines the purity of a young Tay Swift and the WAP mood perfectly.

Note, the original mashup was created by user @heyimjoshlol. The user posted the unlikely melding together of the two tunes captioning his TikTok post with the caption “so uh i did a thing.”

Check out the fun mashup video below.

It’s not the first time we’ve seen fans ask for a Cardi and Tay Swift mash-up. In 2017, Cardi gushed over after the “Cardigan” singer sent flowers to her to celebrate the rapper for dethroning her spot on the No. 1 spot on the Billboard Hot 100 with “Bodak Yellow.”

“Thank you @taylorswift for the flowers … and I freaking love your music,” Cardi captioned a video of her flowers from Swift.

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