Credit: RomeoSantosVEVO/ YouTube
Romeo Santos, Daddy Yankee and Nicky Jam just dropped a music video for their new song “Bella y Sensual” that pulls a page out of the “How to be a New York papi-chulo” handbook.
The trio shows us a typical night out for guys in The Big Apple, and it’s got all the trappings of the reggatonero life, giving us a how-to guide on being the corniest, rico suave dude on the planet.
First, stand around a rooftop pool with your boys, a chilly fall breeze filling the air, as women, for some reason, walk by in bikinis, looking cold as hell. Like, how come none of these dude offer her a jacket?
Next, make sure to dress up in the most ridiculous outfit you can find. If you’re like Romeo, this includes a leopard print shirt, gaudy gold sneakers and, of course, a fedora.
Leave the frozen pool area to go uptown to hang out in front of a subway station at 9:30 p.m for what appears to be an unlicensed street party. As you pull in your cars “The Fast and The Furious” style, high beams illuminating the street party, make sure to catcall any woman walking by. Remember to change your outfit from a fedora to a varsity jacket with a cape, because you’re obviously out here trying to save the ladies from enjoying a night out with their friends in peace.
After trying to convince a girl to give you the time of day, decide to leave her alone only when the police show up to break up your illegal street rager.
Finally, at 1 a.m., get to the club. Don’t forget to flirt with the bottle girls. They love that, and really want to hear all the illuminating things you have to scream in their ears over the music.
Then at 5 a.m., make your way to the neighborhood diner for some grub. Make sure to eat something hearty to sober up after all that free bottle service your flirting got you. Even after hours and hours of dancing and sweating, everyone at the diner is still looking impeccable, so remember to stay sharp, playa. Flirt with everyone trying to enjoy their late dinner/early breakfast. Who doesn’t want to be chatted up over eggs and the early signs of a hangover?
Just before calling it a night, make sure to holler at the same girl your friends tried to get at. Taking no for an answer, even though it’s the right thing to do, isn’t for you. You’re a macho stereotype. Get out of here with that logical stuff. Also, women love your arrogant pick up lines. Don’t worry about her friends who want to leave, they won’t think you’re being inconsiderate at all.
And after all of that, be sure to creepily offer her a ride. Attempt to convince her by calling her “baby” and “mamacita.”
Be sure to watch her drive away, and shout things at her when she’s still within earshot. Getting away from you as quickly as humanly possible is a clear sign that she’s into at least one of you.
Then, high five your homies for a successful night out on the town. And finally, make sure to be extra quiet as you creep back into your parents’ crib. Being a grown, catcalling, creep of a man is hard when you’re living with the ‘rents, but don’t worry, you got this. 😑