If you look back at your old quinceañera video, there are probably a hundred things that’ll make you cringe. From the funky quinceañera hairstyles to the neverending list of padrinos on invitations, here are a few things about quinces that people on the internet just can’t take seriously.
First, there’s this over-the-top quince hairstyle that requires about two cans of Aqua Net hairspray.
Or three if you really want those curls to stay in place.
Which is followed by this super awkward video that they record at your house at 6 in the morning.
You know, that video with about 25 slow motion clips of you pretending not to know you’re being filmed.
And of course, the video includes this magical “spin into your dress” effect.
This awkward video shoot then continues at the park (with the same damn song playing the background).
And everyone stares at you.
Once you’re at the quinceañera reception, the DJ announces the list of padrinos.
There’s a padrino for the music, a padrino for the food, a padrino for the sodas, a padrino for the forks and spoons… The list goes on and on.
Followed by the cambio de zapato.
You go from being a Jordan-obsessed sneakerhead to a princess. There’s no in between.
Then you jump to the valz which is either very graceful or a hot mess.
Which type of quinceañera were you?
But it isn’t a real quinceañera if your tías aren’t fighting over the centerpieces before the end of the night.
You’ll probably see a tía trying to take home three center pieces instead of one.
And the party isn’t over until it looks like this:
We all know what it’s like to mentally prepare to see family after you’ve moved away from home. You’re going to hear all of the “ay, que flaquita” and “¿y el novio?” questions all in one breath. Those are just the most common questions. We all know that it never ends there. People are going to ask you about your job a million different ways, and still not get it.
Of course, every single viejo is going to ask you why you’re still single. “Mejor sola que mal acompañada,” so they say. Well, Melissa Croce had a lot more than that to tell her family and her reaction is something that can help all of us get ready for that family reunion.
Melissa Croce wanted to nip all questions in the bud with a handy brochure.
Apparently, it all started as a joke between Croce and her coworkers, but she couldn’t let go of the idea. After you read her brochure, you’ll understand why it’s so cathartic.
“So You Haven’t Seen Melissa Croce in Several Years: A Primer”
Here’s a lil life update on the subject of your chismosando, honey. “She’s beauty and she’s grace. She’ll say it to your face.” Boom. Roasted. Who hasn’t felt the same way when getting ready to see your family?
Croce handily has two separate columns for Job vs New York FAQS.
So many folks had a good laugh at the “Should you, though?” in response to “I should come visit you!” We’ve all braced ourselves through a fake grin answering highly judgmental questions. When they go low, we go high. When they go low, we go high. This brochure is pure low. 😂
You open the brochure to the question of the house: “Why is Melissa Single?”
You can choose whatever adventurous conversation experience you are initiating. What a perfect way to let the family know what they’re getting themselves into by passing judgment on single, working women.
Croce tweeted out her brochure and may have started a new side hustle for herself!
Follow your passions and everything else will follow. Even though Latinas can all relate to being asked this question, sexism is universal. Croce might have a new career calling!
Even folks are asking for her career advice at this point.
When you see success, you chase it, right? Croce works for a publishing company but isn’t editing or reading books. She’s marketing children’s books. You know, in case you didn’t read the brochure.
Croce didn’t actually pass out the brochures.
Of course, one *man* commented that, “The only thing that would be more petty than this would be actually giving it to people at the wedding.”
Croce told Buzzfeed, “I didn’t hand the brochures out! For one thing, I like my cousin, and secondly, I don’t think my aunts and uncles would’ve been too pleased with me if I did — but I did have to answer many of the questions on the brochure, so maybe I should’ve after all!”
One fan took the opportunity to formally ask Croce to be her life coach.
Croce was surprised to learn how relatable her experience was–“going to a big event and exposing the basics of your life to people who mean well, but are also strangers in many ways.”
She said yes, of course.
We’re glad some folks are appreciating Croce because the sexism hasn’t relented since she tweeted out the brochure. Folks have been telling her, “boo hoo, suck it up,” and “we get it, you’re sexist and hate men.”
Nope. Women expressing their frustration with sexism is not allowed in a patriarchal society, and that’s not stopping anyone.
So many people are taking this brochure to heart and figuring out how they can make it their own.
Thank you, Croce, and we hope the half dozen folks who have publicly reached out asking for their own brochure. If you’re reading this, Croce, we’ll leave you with this friendly message from @jmlandais:
“You definitely are good at your work. Turned your angst in a great brochure that stroke a nerve. I think you can ask for a raise.”
Once a year, we get to honor the absolutely ludicrous, outrageously dumb dad jokes that only a Latino padre could concoct. This one goes out to all the dads on Día del Padre for all the truly heroic effort they’ve put into making us smile-grimace.
We love you como nadie.
We’ve figured out the secret to all your jokes, dad.
Y’all are just twisting words around and we love it. It isn’t situational humor or anything with a super long backstory. Hard punches that are so dumb you feel fooled.
You have to say some of these out loud.
The best jokes are the ones that are so dumb it takes us a couple of times to get it. But when we do… 😂
Luckily, one Spanish word has 47 different meanings.
That’s why Latino dad jokes are the best dad jokes. The language is basically built for you guys to twist our arms.
Back in 2003, you really got into the “Soy” jokes.
Like, “What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself?” Yeah, yeah, we get it. Bilingual jokes are the best.
Just say it out loud… slowly.
We’re not sure when you all started learning how to meme, but it’s slowing us down. Thank you for that. 🙂
If your mom and dad could create a meme it would look like this:
Mama out here trying to prove her point and dad backing her up with the dad jokes. This is every Latino family dynamic, right?
This *terrible* joke that was said at every family gathering from 2001-2011.
It’s a vintage dad joke. It has a different shine on it now.
Still, so bad.
Thank you to the dad who provided a key to his dad joke.
Other dads, take note. If you were raised Catholic, you already had they key brainwashed into you during all twelve years of CCD classes.
Dad joke of the year:
Wait for it… wait for it… 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
This isn’t a joke. We know you’re all dead serious when the “tu sabes lo que dicen” comes out.
Sorry Jade, we might all consider the ends of those sentences a joke, but our dads ain’t playing. Hope this made a hard-working comedian of a dad laugh a little. We love you.