Comedian Julio Torres has skills for picking out Christmas presents and coming up with the best Halloween costumes. So it should come at no surprise that Julio has also mastered the art of Valentine’s Day. The “Saturday Night Live” writer appeared on “The Tonight Show” to inform Jimmy Fallon, and all of us, how to pick out the perfect perfume for that special someone on the most important and stress-inducing day of the year: Valentine’s Day.
Instead of giving chocolates or flowers on Valentine’s Day, Julio says perfumes are the best way to go. Here are some of the perfumes Torres recommends for that special somebody on the special day.
“The Silent Scream”
For a lover that loves to sigh and never tells you what’s wrong no matter how many times you ask. All you can do is wait for the outburst.
“Should I … Okay”
This perfume is only intended for people who want to help but don’t. You know, like when you see someone drop something and act like you are going to do something but stay where you are.
The busted GatorAde bottle is a nice touch that really let’s you know who this is intended for.
“But Who Is SHE”
“It’s inspired by your uncle’s new wife.” Nuff said.
This perfume is made for moms on Facebook and we love them so much for their enthusiasm. Might as well get them something to thank them on Valentine’s Day.
It’s kind of like Gretchen Wieners’ hair but it is only full of Melania Trump’s secrets. Things like, her longing to be rescued and that kind of stuff.
Jennifer Lopez AKA actress, singer, dancer, producer, businesswoman, fashion designer, fashion icon AKA Hoop Queen returned to the SNL stage after a decade. This time, while boasting about her beauty and brains she also hilarious made fun of her life-long obsession with hoops.
In the most hilarious sketch from the SNL episode, Lopez made jokes about our love for hoops.
Starring as Gino’s Girlfriend, Lopez played the owner of a store with Melissa Villaseñor as Her Cousin. In the sketch the pair do an ad for massive gold hoops that are so luxurious they’ll “turn your ears the color of money.”
In the fun sketch, Lopez is dressed like a more played up Bronx version of herself as she sells jewelry that says, “I fight other women.” According to Lopez, as Gino’s Girlfriend, the hoops (as we all know) can be worn just a bout anywhere including birthday dinners, anniversary trips, an ex-boyfriend’s wedding, interviews about women on the street with subway problems, confront Barbara, accusing Barbara, crawling back to Barbara and Saturday Mass. The skit jokes that you can wear them to. Christening and just about everyone will think you look like a “rapper’s accountant.”
The sketch even made fun of our propensity for putting words in a hoop.
Jabbing fun at our nameplate earrings and vanity necklaces, the Jennifer Lopez skit hilariously featured earrings with names, descriptions, and places on them. The hilarious descriptions of the lot included “diabetic,” and mistakenly created brands like “Couch” for Coach and “DKNYPD” for DKYN.
The entire sketch, and J.Lo, proved to be a joke machine with the best nod to J.Lo’s Bronx roots.
Watch the full sketch here.
Our No. 1 Boricua, Jenny from the Block, has been an icon through the ages for winning in the music, movie and fashion industries. Rumors swirled around her insuring her signature booty for a over a million dollars back in the 2000’s, but how have we not acknowledged her incredible locks that deserve a policy of its own.
While she’s known for her long waves, J.Lo has never been afraid of mixing it up over the decades. Get ready for the throwbacks.
1. The Classic J.Lo Look
This iconic, tousled wavy, waist-length look wouldn’t be complete without her subtle highlights and the way Lopez makes it look so effortless. I’ve tried to get this look. It is a feat.
2. Big Curls, Little Bob.
J.Lo brought it back to the 1920s by creating a side part, getting in some wide curls and tousling with lots (and lots) of hair spray. How she looks so perfect all the time, we can only guess at.
3. The Sleek Topknot.
We have all experienced the pain of our mothers combing our hair back into the tightest possible ponytail. According to my mom, it’s a two-fer: a proper hairdo and a way to pull your forehead back and prevent wrinkles. Jennifer keeps it in place with a neat topknot for a sleek, elegant look.
4. The Latina Faux Hawk.
There are faux hawks and then there are Latinx faux hawks. Our faux hawks have more volume and should give you an extra 5-7″ in height. J.Lo does it best.
5. The Loose Slick Back.
Please note that in order to achieve any of these looks, you will need a good hair gel and a tiny comb. Probably also your own personal hair dresser, if you want to be like J.Lo.
6. The Tight Curl Mid-Part.
The only way to complete this look is with a chain-neck, metal sheet halter top and butterfly clips to pull back the part. Take me back to the ’90s.
7. The Bandana ‘N Braids Look.
J.Lo rocked this look at the 2000 MTV Music Awards.
Here’s how to get it: Your hair has to be half-up, half-down, to make your ponytail look longer, and you must be wearing braids to pull this off. A starched headband is also preferable. Also, hoops like J.Lo’s.
8. The Hide Your Hair to Show Off Your Face Look.
When you’re Latina, you can pull this off. When you’re J.Lo, you can get a matching headscarf to go with your sparkly, taupe suit.
9. The Deep Brunette Perm.
The early ’90s obsession with deep brown, curly hair was glorious for many Latinas. That baby face rocked it well.
10. Caramel Highlights.
#NeverForget the era of caramel highlights. Our moms did it by squeezing lemon juice in our hair, and the occasional kool-aid for a red tint. J.Lo *might* have used a professional.
11. The 50-Inch Hair Extensions.
J.Lo doesn’t usually need to do much to her hair to stun the red carpet, but at this year’s Billboard Latin Music Awards, her iconic hair went past her iconic butt.
12. It grew when she went on stage to perform “Inches.”
“Saturday Night Live” doesn’t have a good track record when it comes to people of color, specifically Latinos. In the show’s iconic history, which spans 44 years, the cast has mostly been white and male. In 2016, they finally hired a Latina to join the cast, which was a year after “SNL” decided to have Donald Trump host the show when he was running for president and calling Mexicans “rapists and criminals.” Latinos boycotted the show and they did receive backlash for allowing him to host. Yet, still “SNL” has yet to learn the importance of Latino representation and inclusion.
On the season 45 premiere, “SNL” did a sketch that featured the Democratic presidential candidates but did not include Julián Castro and did include Marianne Williamson, who’s not in the running anymore.
So why didn’t the have someone impersonating Castro? We know they don’t have any Latino comics on the show, however, they could have had their sole Latina comic Melissa Villaseñor put on a wig. She has played a man before. The sketch did include special guest stars including Maya Rudolf (who played Kamala Harris), and Larry David (who played Bernie Sanders). Could they have not asked former Latino “SNL” comics Fred Armisen or Horatio Sanz to play Castro?
“Interesting that @nbcsnl decided to cut one candidate out of this sketch. Could you not find a Latino actor to play @JulianCastro?” Sawyer Hackett, national press secretary for Castro’s campaign, tweeted.
People on social media were livid at the exclusion of Castro and once again their dismissive attitude toward Latinos.
Was it too difficult for “SNL” to add one more actor to the stage, especially one that is still in the running — unlike Williamson? Lin-Manuel Miranda and his dad said they would have both stepped up to the plate to play the role of Castro.
It’s as if “SNL” continues to make the wound even deeper by excluding the only Latino candidate.
“SNL” knows very well that representation matters, so there’s no excuse for this exclusion. Are they doing this on purpose?
Maybe they think Castro’s persona isn’t funny enough to include in a parody?
If “SNL” has talented writers they could have surely written something hilarious for an actor portraying Castro. We already have staggering facts that show film and TV excludes Latinos in overwhelming statistics, so you would think “SNL” (and all programming for that matter) would want to rectify that. Maybe they just don’t care?
“SNL” has a long history of dissing Latinos, so this just makes it worse.
Latino viewers and talent have been asking for more representation for several seasons now. There was celebration from fans when Melissa Villseñor was brought on in 2016.
Many people see their omission of Castro as the show disregarding Latinos.
This overt move by “SNL” actually made the skit not very funny but cringeworthy. The erasure of the only Latino running for the presidency was glaring.
You know “SNL” messed up bad when Latina moms get involved.
If you make Latina moms mad, asking for their forgiveness won’t be easy to do. Trust us. We have all been there. However, when you really try to make things up to them, they will accept it.
Since “SNL” screwed up the premiere, will they correct their huge mistake by the next episode?
There’s another debate coming up very soon, and if “SNL” is going to stay relevant in the political comedy stage they better include Castro or they will risk not only alienating a core audience but also looking like they can’t handle diverse comedy.
And, if “SNL” can’t find anyone to play Castro, there’s one person that will be happy to do it.
Julian’s twin brother, Joaquin Castro — who’s pretty busy right now working on Capitol Hill himself — said he could step in and portray him on the show. We think he’d do a fabulous job because he clearly knows him best right?
Either way, “SNL” needs to get their act together. There’s no reason to exclude a strong candidate for president only to be replaced by a white woman who isn’t running for president anymore. It’s an obvious omission that “SNL” needs to stop.