Over the weekend, Puerto Rican princess Jennifer Lopez was spotted walking with her elegant mom, Guadalupe Rodríguez, and none other than her recent boo, Alex Rodríguez. They were all photographed together several times. Guadalupe, a Puerto Rican grandmother, told an entire story with her facial expressions. We’re an expressive people, us Boricuas.
It is no longer a secret that J.Lo and A-Rod are a couple, as he recently spoke openly about it on “The View.”
There it is, all the proof you need.
Bringing home a new boyfriend or girlfriend in a Latino household is a big deal. Usually, it means things are getting pretty serious. You wouldn’t bring any ol’ person around the woman who gave you life. One, because you absolutely respect your Latino parents. And two, they’ll embarrass you by making rude comments or asking embarrassing questions.
For example, my grandmother has discussed the weight of every person I’ve ever brought home. Friend, mentor, girlfriend — doesn’t matter. “Gordita,” “flaquita,” “caderona,” “nalgona,” “delgadita” – all of it. She always means well, but it never seems to come out that way.
Guadalupe, like many Puerto Rican grandmothers I know, is no stranger to expressing her true feelings. Look at her expressions in the photos below, where I imagined what embarrassing things she was saying based on my own wisdom of Puerto Rican grandma-isms.
Guadalupe: “Are you planning on getting back in shape since you’re not playing sports anymore, or is this it?”
Lopez: “Mom, he’s in great shape!”
Guadalupe: “What was it like dating Madonna, you know we’re about the same age right?”
Lopez: “Mom, I don’t even know what to say right now. You’re embarrassing me.”
Guadalupe: “You love him? Pfft. Haha! How many times have I heard that?”
Lopez: “It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve said it, just that I mean it when I do, ma!”
Guadalupe: “Oh my God, can we go already?”
Lopez: “A-Rod, I’m so sorry. She’s usually well behaved.”
Guadalupe: “Think you and my daughter might have ki– oh wait, after the steroids, can you even have kids?”
Lopez: “Ma, that is so inappropriate… but, like, wait… can you?”
Guadalupe: “You always let her walk on that side of the street? She opens her own doors too? Hm?”
Lopez: “Ma! I don’t need no man to open my doors!”
Guadalupe: “I hope you like Mofongo, we don’t do Mangu in this household. ¿Me escuchas?”
Lopez: “Of course he can hear you, you’re yelling at him, Mamí.”
Guadalupe: “Now that you’re unemployed what are your future plans?”
Lopez: “Mom, he’s very successful. He once owned a Mercedes dealership. Right, hun?”
Guadalupe: “Are those the new Derek Jeter shoes? Did you know he has his own line with Nike?”
Guadalupe: “Give you my blessing? I don’t see pigs flying, do you?”
Lopez: “That was actually a good one, I’ll give you that.”