comedy

J.Lo’s Mom Was All Of Our Puerto Rican Mothers Throwing Side-Eye At A-Rod

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Over the weekend, Puerto Rican princess Jennifer Lopez was spotted walking with her elegant mom, Guadalupe Rodríguez, and none other than her recent boo, Alex Rodríguez. They were all photographed together several times. Guadalupe, a Puerto Rican grandmother, told an entire story with her facial expressions. We’re an expressive people, us Boricuas.

It is no longer a secret that J.Lo and A-Rod are a couple, as he recently spoke openly about it on “The View.”

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There it is, all the proof you need.

Bringing home a new boyfriend or girlfriend in a Latino household is a big deal. Usually, it means things are getting pretty serious. You wouldn’t bring any ol’ person around the woman who gave you life. One, because you absolutely respect your Latino parents. And two, they’ll embarrass you by making rude comments or asking embarrassing questions.

For example, my grandmother has discussed the weight of every person I’ve ever brought home. Friend, mentor, girlfriend — doesn’t matter. “Gordita,” “flaquita,” “caderona,” “nalgona,” “delgadita” – all of it. She always means well, but it never seems to come out that way.

Guadalupe, like many Puerto Rican grandmothers I know, is no stranger to expressing her true feelings. Look at her expressions in the photos below, where I imagined what embarrassing things she was saying based on my own wisdom of Puerto Rican grandma-isms.

Guadalupe: “Are you planning on getting back in shape since you’re not playing sports anymore, or is this it?”

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Lopez: “Mom, he’s in great shape!”

Guadalupe: “What was it like dating Madonna, you know we’re about the same age right?”

Lopez: “Mom, I don’t even know what to say right now. You’re embarrassing me.”

Guadalupe: “You love him? Pfft. Haha! How many times have I heard that?”

Lopez: “It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve said it, just that I mean it when I do, ma!”

Guadalupe: “Oh my God, can we go already?”

Lopez: “A-Rod, I’m so sorry. She’s usually well behaved.”

Guadalupe: “Think you and my daughter might have ki– oh wait, after the steroids, can you even have kids?”

Lopez: “Ma, that is so inappropriate… but, like, wait… can you?”

Guadalupe: “You always let her walk on that side of the street? She opens her own doors too? Hm?”

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Lopez: “Ma! I don’t need no man to open my doors!”

Guadalupe: “I hope you like Mofongo, we don’t do Mangu in this household. ¿Me escuchas?”

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 Lopez: “Of course he can hear you, you’re yelling at him, Mamí.”

Guadalupe: “Now that you’re unemployed what are your future plans?”

 Lopez: “Mom, he’s very successful. He once owned a Mercedes dealership. Right, hun?”

Guadalupe: “Are those the new Derek Jeter shoes? Did you know he has his own line with Nike?”

Lopez: “Mom!”

Guadalupe: “Give you my blessing? I don’t see pigs flying, do you?”

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Lopez: “That was actually a good one, I’ll give you that.”

[H/T] E Online: Jennifer Lopez Introduces Alex Rodriguez to Her Mom

READ: Only A-Rod Could Convince J.Lo The Walking Embodiment Of PR To Perform In DR

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Here's Why SNL's First Latino Writer Apologized Again And Again During His 'Late Night' Spot

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Here’s Why SNL’s First Latino Writer Apologized Again And Again During His ‘Late Night’ Spot

Food is no joke around most Latino households. At every family reunion, we all bring our own dishes and end up walking away with more leftovers than we can carry. And you can be sure that meat is one of the stars of almost every dish. Vegan is dirty word you don’t say in front my parents or abuela — or anyone for that matter.

On a recent episode of Late Night with Seth Meyers, Salvadoran comedian Julio Torres talked about being vegan.

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS / NBC

A writer for Saturday Night Live, Torres understands that satirizing oneself is the best way to get the laughs.

Torres gave the audience a little insight into what makes being vegan so difficult.

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS / NBC

Anyone who is vegan or has a vegan friend can probably relate to Torres. Being a vegan among meat eaters can make for a difficult dining experience.

Torres then answered the question he gets all the time.

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS / NBC

Torres then clarified.

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS / NBC

Torres followed up with a deadpan delivery of “I miss my friends and I miss my family.” ?

Torres’ really packs a ton of humor into his soft-spoken delivery, so do yourself a favor and watch the performance here!

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS / NBC

Torres covered several more topics that are all worth a listen and a laugh. The audience clearly loved his deadpan, soft-spoken delivery which really sells his jokes. For a someone who was once almost deported, it’s great to see how far he’s come.

READ: After Hiring A Latina Cast Member, “Saturday Night Live’ Has Hired A Latino Writer