comedy

17 Things That Would Happen If President Trump Has His Way And The Wall Was Built

The Trump presidency has brought dark times for Latinos in the U.S. and for Latin American countries in general. Mexico, in particular, has been the target of vitriolic attacks by the president, and foreign policy issues have marred the relationship between the two countries.

However, since we are Latinos, we always find humor in almost everything. Let’s add a pinch of irony to this situation and imagine what the U.S. and Mexico would go through if the border wall was built.

1. There would be awesome street art on the Mexican side

Credit: @streetart_mexico / Instagram

Mexico is home to some of the best street art in the world, and artists from border town like Tijuana are particularly amazing. If the wall was built they would have a huge canvas to take out their rage in a colorful bien chingona way.

2. And probably ugly billboards for the Americans

Credit: @teslatari / Twitter

Let’s be honest: U.S. companies would LOVE to have a billboard longer and “more massive” than any billboard before in the history of the world, the “bestest” billboard ever, let me tell ya.

3. Americans would find out how annoying San Diego spring breakers are.

Credit: 480342047-56a90ebd5f9b58b7d0f7b923. Digital image. TripSavvy.

No more crazy binge drinking South of the Border. Spring breakers from sunny California would find it oh so difficult to cross the border now and trash Tijuana, so they would just demolish every single bar they could find in San Diego. Mexicans would be happy to know that America isn’t sending “their best” anymore.

4. Rich white men would reconnect with nature… for five minutes!

Credit: 895789287-backyard-planting-white-haired-gardening. Digital image. Framepool.

There would be a shortage of amazing paisano gardeners, so rich, privileged, entitled white dudes would find it fun to get their hands and boss shirts dirty to garden…for five minutes. Later they would scream at the sight of sweat and call out for “Juaaaaaan”, only to find out that “Juan” was actually called Ramiro and he is no longer there to service him.

5. The US entertainment industry would be white town again…

Credit: Beverly Hills 90210. Spelling Entertainment.

Remember those 1990s shows in which diversity was nonexistent? Well, the border wall would create a tense environment for any non-white actor and U.S. audiences would have to deal with casts as non-representative as this.

6. Actually, Latino talent in Hollywood would protest en masse… no more Salmita, Diego or Gael

Credit: @salmahayek / Instagram

There is no denying that contemporary Hollywood is less boring thanks to kickass Latino talent like Salma Hayek and Diego Luna. Well, if the wall was built they would give the industry the middle finger in protest and trigger huge losses…. and know what? Most people would support them.

7. Many Americans would finally find out where Mexico is located

Credit: _93895486_us_mexico_border_wall. Digital image. BBC.

It is no secret that geography is not one of the strengths of the US education system. Most non-ethnic Americans are brought up with a sense of superiority they just don’t think it is that important to know where other countries in the world are located. The endless news reports about the wall would educate people into not believing that Mexico borders with Brazil.

8. Target and Wal-Mart would cry foul as “ya no hay Mexicanos de shopping”

Credit: 920×920. Digital image. San Antonio Express News.

Mexicans love to shop in Los Estates, and around Christmas time many cross the border to do their compras in border cities like McAllen, Texas. Well, sorpresa, take that, Target!

9. Rich white parents would touch their babies’ poo for the first time

Credit: poopmean-a0741d2a-16fc-4286-b1c2-c26bab06ebcb. Digital image. Mom365

Yes, many Anglo parents outsource the most grueling tasks and even their children’s upbringing to the thousands of Latino nannies that are a true cornerstone of American society. Many lazy parents would change diapers for the first time and curse the damn wall as a spot of caca falls on their designer clothes.

10. Taco Bell would be the closest you could get to real Mexican cuisine

Credit: Facebook-3cf17d. Digital image. Funny.

No more real carnitas, sopes or tlayudas. No more fondas or cantinas. Straight up processed cheese and hard shell tacos smothered with cumin, plastic chili and what passes as meat. Gracias por nada, Donaldo!

11. Mexican entrepreneurs would open dozens of climbing walls

Credit: Climbing-Wall-Maggie_Daley. Digital image. Chicago Park District.

Mexicans are creative as hell, and wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to establish dozens of climbing clubs along the border. The country would become a world leader in this nascent sport.

12. Developers would sell costly apartments with “A view of the wall” on the U.S. side.

Credit: maxresdefault. Digital image. YouTube.

Make no mistake. The border wall would be a beautiful sight for many. Real estate developers would see money in this opportunity and invest in lavish apartment buildings for the racist and misfits of the country. They would make quite a buck.

13. Move over Chupacabras, there is a new monster in town

Credit: 11424690_10100260190014607_975544564_n. Digital image. Enclave Publishing.

For generations to come mothers on both sides of the border wall would tell their children the story of a scary, beer-bellied orange monster who can take children away while laughing, and who SPOKE IN CAPS! All children would behave so the orange monster doesn’t take them (remember he has a certain fondness of taking one-year-olds from their families).

14. There would be a Mexican-American remake of Game of Thrones

Credit: Game of Thrones. HBO.

The border wall would acquire mythical proportions and be spoken about for years to come. HBO would decide to make a remake of his successful Game of Thrones franchise and set in in contemporary times. It would be shot in Mexico, of course.  One does not simply build walls.

15. After his presidency, Trump would build casinos alongside his wall

Credit: _90668276_gettyimages-74342979. Digital image. BBC Mundo.

Las Vegas was built in a desert, right? So what about making the whole border a gambling Mecca! President Trump would open his Wall Mahal and others would follow.

16. All the dogs treated by Cesar Millan would flee to Mexico, causing mass panic

Credit: Cesar-Shares-His-Greatest-Moments_0. Digital image. Cesar’s Way

Dogs treated by the famous whisperer would have established a deeper connection to him that to their owners. Seeing Milan’s anger, they would decide that they are too noble to stay in the U.S. and would flee to Mexico, where they would be received with open arms. Thousands of Beverly Hills housewives would despair! Ay, no, pobrecitas!

17. Spanish would overtake English as the most widely spoken language in the U.S.

Credit: home-depot. Digital image. New York Post

Projections mark how Spanish could very well overtake English as the most widely spoken language in the country. Latinos who live in the United States would see the border wall as an affront and speak Spanish as an act of resistance. There would be no turning back!

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This Artist Has Been Breaking Barriers As A Non-Traditional Mariachi

Entertainment

This Artist Has Been Breaking Barriers As A Non-Traditional Mariachi

On a recent episode of ABC’s game show To Tell The Truth, three celebrity panelists were tasked to uncover the identity of a real mariachi singer.

Each contender embodied “non-traditional” attributes of mariachi culture either through physical appearance or language barriers, leaving the panelists stumped.

When it came time for the big reveal, with a humble smile 53-year-old Timoteo “El Charro Negro” stood up wowing everyone. Marveled by his talents, Timoteo was asked to perform unveiling his smooth baritone voice.

While not a household name in the U.S., his career spans over 25 years thriving on the catharsis of music.

Timoteo “El Charro Negro” performing “Chiquilla Linda” on Dante Night Show in 2017.

Originally from Dallas, Texas, Timoteo, born Timothy Pollard, moved to Long Beach, California with his family when he was eight years old. The move to California exposed Pollard to Latin culture, as the only Black family in a Mexican neighborhood.

As a child, he recalled watching Cantinflas because he reminded him of comedian Jerry Lewis, but musically he “got exposed to the legends by chance.”

“I was bombarded by all the 1960s, ’70s, and ’50s ranchera music,” Timoteo recalls to mitú.

The unequivocal passion mariachi artists like Javier Solis and Vicente Fernandez possessed heavily resonated with him.

“[The neighbors] always played nostalgic music, oldies but goodies, and that’s one thing I noticed about Mexicans,” Timoteo says. “They can be in their 20s but because they’ve grown up listening to the oldies it’s still very dear to them. That’s how they party.”

For as long as he can remember, Pollard “was born with the genetic disposition to love music,” knowing that his future would align with the arts.

After hearing Vicente Fernandez sing “Lástima Que Seas Ajena,” an awakening occurred in Pollard. While genres like hip-hop and rap were on the rise, Pollard’s passion for ranchera music grew. It was a moment when he realized that this genre best suited his big voice.

Enamored, Pollard began to pursue a career as a Spanish-language vocalist.

El Charro Negro
Photo courtesy of Timothy Pollard.

At 28, Timoteo began learning Spanish by listening and singing along to those artists he adored in his youth.

“When I decided that I wanted to be a mariachi, I didn’t think it was fair to exploit the culture and not understand the language,” he says. “If I’m going to sing, I need to be able to communicate with my audience and engage with them. I need to understand what I’m saying because it was about honor and respect.”

Pollard began performing local gigs after picking up the language in a matter of months. He soon attracted the attention of “Big Boy” Radio that adorned him the name Timoteo “El Charro Negro.”

Embellishing his sound to highlight his Black heritage, Pollard included African instruments like congas and bongos in his orchestra. Faintly putting his own spin on a niche genre, Pollard avoided over-saturating the genre’s sound early in his career.

Embraced by his community as a beloved mariachi, “El Charro Negro” still encountered race-related obstacles as a Black man in the genre.

“There are those [in the industry] who are not in the least bit thrilled to this day. They won’t answer my phone calls, my emails, my text messages I’ve sent,” he says. “The public at large hasn’t a problem with it, but a lot of the time it’s those at the helm of decision making who want to keep [the genre] exclusively Mexican.”

“El Charro Negro” persisted, slowly attracting fans worldwide while promoting a message of harmony through his music.

In 2007, 12 years into his career, Pollard received a golden ticket opportunity.

El Charro Negro
Pollard (left) seen with legendary Mexican artist Vicente Fernandez (right) in 2007. Photo courtesy of Timothy Pollard.

In a by-chance encounter with a stagehand working on Fernandez’s tour, Pollard was offered the chance to perform onstage. The singer was skeptical that the offer was legit. After all, what are the chances?

The next day Pollard went to his day job at the time and said, “a voice in my head, which I believe was God said, ‘wear your blue velvet traje tonight.'”

That evening Pollard went to a sold-out Stockton Area where he met his idol. As he walked on the stage, Pollard recalls Fernandez insisting that he use his personal mic and band to perform “De Que Manera Te Olvido.”

“[Fernandez] said he did not even want to join me,” he recollects about the show. “He just was kind and generous enough to let me sing that song on his stage with his audience.”

The crowd applauded thunderously, which for Pollard was a sign of good things to come.

El Charro Negro
Timoteo “El Charro Negro” with Don Francisco on Don Francisco Presenta in 2011. Photo courtesy of Timothy Pollard.

In 2010, he released his debut album “Me Regalo Contigo.” In perfect Spanish, Pollard sings with great conviction replicating the soft tones of old-school boleros.

Unraveling the rollercoaster of relationships, heart-wrenchingly beautiful ballads like “Me Regalo Contigo” and “Celos” are his most streamed songs. One hidden gem that has caught the listener’s attention is “El Medio Morir.”

As soon as the track begins it is unlike the others. Timoteo delivers a ’90s R&B love ballad in Spanish, singing with gumption as his riffs and belts encapsulate his unique sound and story.

Having appeared on shows like Sabado Gigante, Don Francisco Presenta, and Caso Cerrado in 2011, Timoteo’s career prospered.

Timoteo hasn’t released an album since 2010 but he keeps his passion alive. The singer has continued to perform, even during the Covid pandemic. He has high hopes for future success and original releases, choosing to not slow down from his destined musical journey.

“If God is with me, who can be against me? It may not happen in a quick period of time, but God will make my enemies my footstool,” he said.

“I’ve continued to be successful and do some of the things I want to do; maybe not in a particular way or in particular events, but I live in a very happy and fulfilled existence.”

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Exclusive: Luis Fonsi Talks Working with Rauw Alejandro, Christina Aguilera, and Demi Lovato

Entertainment

Exclusive: Luis Fonsi Talks Working with Rauw Alejandro, Christina Aguilera, and Demi Lovato

Luis Fonsi is kicking off 2021 with a new single. The Puerto Rican superstar premiered the music video for “Vacío” on Feb. 18 featuring rising Boricua singer Rauw Alejandro. The guys put a new spin on the classic “A Puro Dolor” by Son By Four.

Luis Fonsi throws it back to his románticas.

“I called Omar Alfanno, the writer of ‘A Puro Dolo,’ who is a dear friend,” Fonsi tells Latido Music. “I told him what my idea was [with ‘Vacío’] and he loved it. He gave me his blessing, so I wrote a new song around a few of those lines from ‘A Puro Dolor’ to bring back that nostalgia of those old romantic tunes that have been a part of my career as well. It’s a fresh production. It sounds like today, but it has that DNA of a true, old-school ballad.”

The world got to know Luis Fonsi through his global smash hit “Despacito” with Daddy Yankee in 2017. The remix with Canadian pop star Justin Bieber took the song to new heights. That was a big moment in Fonsi’s music career that spans over 20 years.

There’s more to Fonsi than “Despacito.”

Fonsi released his first album, the fittingly-titled Comenzaré, in 1998. While he was on the come-up, he got the opportunity of a lifetime to feature on Christina Aguilera’s debut Latin album Mi Reflejo in 2000. The two collaborated on “Si No Te Hubiera Conocido.” Luis Fonsi scored multiple Billboard Hot Latin Songs No. 1s in the years that followed and one of the biggest hits was “No Me Doy Por Vencido” in 2008. That was his career-defining romantic ballad.

“Despacito” remains the second most-viewed music video on YouTube with over 7.2 billion views. The hits did not stop there. Later in 2017, he teamed up with Demi Lovato for “Échame La Culpa,” which sits impressively with over 2 billion views.

He’s also appearing on The Voice next month.

Not only is Fonsi working on his new album, but also he’s giving advice to music hopefuls for the new season of The Voice that’s premiering on March 1. Kelly Clarkson tapped him as her Battle Advisor. In an exclusive interview, Fonsi talked with us about “Vacío,” The Voice, and a few of his greatest hits.

What was the experience like to work with Rauw Alejandro for “Vacío”?

Rauw is cool. He’s got that fresh sound. Great artist. Very talented. Amazing onstage. He’s got that great tone and delivery. I thought he had the perfect voice to fit with my voice in this song. We had talked about working together for awhile and I thought that this was the perfect song. He really is such a star. What he’s done in the last couple of years has been amazing. I love what he brought to the table on this song.

Now I want to go through some of your greatest hits. Do you remember working with Christina Aguilera for her Spanish album?

How could you not remember working with her? She’s amazing. That was awhile back. That was like 1999 or something like that. We were both starting out and she was putting out her first Spanish album. I got to sing a beautiful ballad called “Si No Te Hubiera Conocido.” I got to work with her in the studio and see her sing in front of the mic, which was awesome. She’s great. One of the best voices out there still to this day.

What’s one of your favorite memories of “No Me Doy Por Vencido”?

“No Me Doy Por Vencido” is one of the biggest songs in my career. I think it’s tough to narrow it down just to one memory. I think in general the message of the song is what sticks with me. The song started out as a love song, but it turned into an anthem of hope. We’ve used the song for different important events and campaigns. To me, that song has such a powerful message. It’s bigger than just a love song. It’s bringing hope to people. It’s about not giving up. To be able to kind of give [people] hope through a song is a lot more powerful than I would’ve ever imagined. It’s a very special song.

I feel the message is very relevant to the COVID-19 pandemic we’re living through.

Oh yeah! I wrote that song a long time ago with Claudia Brant, and during the first or second month of the lockdown when we were all stuck at home, we did a virtual writing session and we rewrote “No Me Doy Por Vencido.” Changing the lyrics, kind of adjusting them to this situation that we’re living now. I haven’t recorded it. I’ll do something with it eventually. It’s really cool. It still talks about love. It talks about reuniting. Like the light at the end of the tunnel. It has the hope and love backbone, but it has to do a lot with what we’re going through now.

What do you think of the impact “Despacito” made on the industry?

It’s a blessing to be a part of something so big. Again, it’s just another song. We write these songs and the moment you write them, you don’t really know what’s going to happen with them. Or sometimes you run into these surprises like “Despacito” where it becomes a global phenomenon. It goes No. 1 in places where Spanish songs had never been played. I’m proud. I’m blessed. I’m grateful to have worked with amazing people like Daddy Yankee. Like Justin Bieber for the remix and everyone else involved in the song. My co-writer Erika Ender. The producers Mauricio Rengifo and Andrés Torres. It was really a team effort and it’s a song that obviously changed my career forever.

What was the experience like to work with Demi Lovato on “Echáme La Culpa”?

She’s awesome! One of the coolest recording sessions I’ve ever been a part of. She really wanted to sing in Spanish and she was so excited. We did the song in Spanish and English, but it was like she was more excited about the Spanish version. And she nailed it! She nailed it from the beginning. There was really not much for me to say to her. I probably corrected her once or twice in the pronunciation, but she came prepared and she brought it. She’s an amazing, amazing, amazing vocalist.

You’re going to be a battle advisor on The Voice. What was the experience like to work with Kelly Clarkson?

She’s awesome. What you see is what you get. She’s honest. She’s funny. She’s talented. She’s humble and she’s been very supportive of my career. She invited me to her show and it speaks a lot that she wanted me to be a part of her team as a Battle Advisor for the new season. She supports Latin music and I’m grateful for that. She’s everything you hope she would be. She’s the real deal, a true star, and just one of the coolest people on this planet.

What can we expect from you in 2021?

A lot of new music. Obviously, everything starts today with “Vacío.” This is literally the beginning of what this new album will be. I’ve done nothing but write and record during the last 10 months, so I have a bunch of songs. Great collaborations coming up. I really think the album will be out probably [in the] third or fourth quarter this year. The songs are there and I’m really eager for everybody to hear them.

Read: We Finally Have A Spanish-Language Song As The Most Streamed Song Of All Time

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