comedy

We Relabeled These Common Household Products So They Are More Honest Than Their Original Label

There are just some brands from childhood (and adulthood) that have a totally different meaning in our heads than what’s on the label. So we decided to keep it real and replace the labels with a new logo that shows consumers what the product is *really* for. There is always a recommended use and a real use for every product and Latinos will always find the real way to use a product.

Take a trip down memory lane with me…

Vicks VapoRub

CREDIT: Vicks.com

We all know VapoRub, but we probably don’t know what it’s actually meant for. Turns out, it’s meant to be used as a cough suppressant by rubbing that pungent, yet comforting gel on your chest.

What it’s actually does…

CREDIT: CHRISTINA HENDERSON / WE ARE MITÚ

My abuelo rubbed this on his wrists every few hours. For his arthritis or as cologne, we never found out. Rub daily to mend broken hearts, the flu, or to get rid of cellulite!

Patrón

CREDIT: Walmart.com

Even as a poor college student, I always found the money for Patrón bottles for every occasion. Patrón, bottles–that’s all I remember from college if I’m being honest. #SorryPapa

What it’s actually does…

CREDIT: CHRISTINA HENDERSON / WE ARE MITÚ

It kills you. Or, if you’re a new parent, a little helps put your baby to bed and gives you life. (Mitú does not condone giving children alcohol even if our parents did.) #ThanksPapa

Sprite

CREDIT: Coca-ColaCompany.com

Looks like soda, right? Sprite is so basic that it’s basically just lemon water, so it’s healthy right? It’s got to be.

What it’s actually does…

CREDIT: CHRISTINA HENDERSON / WE ARE MITÚ

Yup! Sprite cures hangovers, tummy aches, and is essentially a tonic. I’m just waiting for a Sprite cleanse trend to happen over here.

Mazapán

CREDIT: Walmart.com

I’m drooling. Mazapán is the ultimate comfort food as far as dulces go, imo. Fun fact, mazapán was brought to Latin America from Spain, where they use almonds instead of peanuts.

What it’s actually does…

CREDIT: CHRISTINA HENDERSON / WE ARE MITÚ

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they eat mazapán, verdad.  Spot a perfectionist crying from a mile away, because there is no neat way to eat these guys.

Café Bustelo

CREDIT: Walmart.com

Seems innocent looking enough right? Café Bustelo, how your packaging deceives us all.

What it’s actually does…

CREDIT: CHRISTINA HENDERSON / WE ARE MITÚ

Do not play with this. Like a well-oiled machine, my nana would wake up groggy, spoon these out in fugly pink plastic mugs and distribute the fuel to the fam. Bustelo, you give us life.

Soda Crackers

CREDIT: Walmart.com

A true staple in every Latinx household. As kids, we used to dip these in café con leche like it was gold.

What it’s actually does…

CREDIT: CHRISTINA HENDERSON / WE ARE MITÚ

Growing up has made me so much wiser. Nana was just trying to shove these crackers onto her grandkids so she could have more tupperware, or ‘tupper‘ as my Spanish host mom would say.

Royal Dansk Butter Cookies

CREDIT: Walmart.com

I have more memories of seeing this box than I do of actually eating those delicious, buttery cookies. The pretzel shaped ones always went first.

What it’s actually does…

CREDIT: CHRISTINA HENDERSON / WE ARE MITÚ

Spoiler alert: it’s buttons. It’s always buttons in there. Every d*mn time I plotted a midnight snack run when I was a kid, there were never any cookies in these, so I stopped looking.

Instant Ramen

CREDIT: Walmart.com

Being a grown up will be great, they said. You can eat whatever you want, they said. Somehow, I keep coming back to this cheap stuff.

What it’s actually does…

CREDIT: CHRISTINA HENDERSON / WE ARE MITÚ

I never wanted this, cuz. Take me back to mountains of bacalao y tostones. “Chicken” my a**.

Goya Adobo Seasoning

CREDIT: Walmart.com

Goya is my brand. Everything tastes better with it and I promise this is not a product placement. I speak on behalf of all Puerto Ricans that Goya is the shit.

What it actually does…

CREDIT: CHRISTINA HENDERSON / WE ARE MITÚ

To be honest, I never tasted a difference between ‘Adobo’ flavors at restaurants and the flavor of fcking everything at home. ‘Adobo’ es lo misma de ‘pa todo’ en mi casa.

Fabuloso

CREDIT: Walmart.com

For some reason, I just can’t with the smell of Fabuloso. The only time it appears in my house is when the titis come to visit and keep me fully stocked till their next visit.

What it actually does…

CREDIT: CHRISTINA HENDERSON / WE ARE MITÚ

Maybe that smell rubs me the wrong way because it’s the smell of my mom about to wake me tf up on Saturday mornings to force me to ‘help’ mop the floors. I’m still recovering my Saturday mornings.

Cheetos

CREDIT: Walmart.com

Burn my insides, Cheeto cheetah, take me. You’re the only Cheeto I would ever vote for as president. You hurt so good but we know what to expect.

What it actually does…

CREDIT: CHRISTINA HENDERSON / WE ARE MITÚ

I accept this trade off, tho. When I see someone with red fingers, I’m just like, we should stick together because I want in on your stash of cheetos crack.

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