bad hombres

Misconception: Not All Latinos Can Handle Spicy Food And Here’s Why

Tori Higgs / Piero Farolfi / Flickr

Before the first bite, I’m a man. I can eat lightning and crap thunder or whatever. I used to eat mom’s tamales con chile with reckless abandon. Wait that was a long time ago when I was young and fearless and my stomach could well, stomach anything. Now, I need Pepto and a nap just from kissing my girlfriend after she’s had an enchilada. This is what happens after I bite into something I know I shouldn’t have…

Stage 1: One bite and beads of sweat start oozing through your pores.

George Lopez: America’s MexicanGeorge / HBO

Glands that you forgot you even have start sweating as they try to squeeze the coward out of you. Your upper lip and back are suddenly drenched. You don’t even sweat this much when you go to the gym.

Stage 2: Try to play it off.

diegolunadaily / Tumblr
CREDIT: diegolunadaily / Tumblr

You never wanna look weak, but you feel like you’re rotting from the inside out. And let’s be real, you’re not fooling anyone. They can all hear your guts rioting like the Attica Prison Uprising.

Stage 3: Look out! Fire down below.

Alien / 20th Century Fox

You’re losing your mind trying to have a conversation between each fiery breath. It feels like your lungs are filled with the unholy butt-wind of the damn Devil himself. You try to focus on what your friends are saying, but you feel like you’re about to give birth to your own bodyweight in fuming gas *or* it’s just going to explode out of your chest like an alien monster.

Stage 4: Let’s get ready to…

Pay Per View via Giphy
CREDIT: Pay Per View via Giphy

Your stomach is shaking like the Jell-o in ‘Jurassic Park.’ It’s like someone set your guts to ‘vibrate.’ Your cheeks are clenched, futilely holding in farts like Hodor trying to keep back the White Walkers in ‘Game Of Thrones.’

Stage 5: You try to put the fire out by hydrating.

Puss In Boots / Dreamworks

You throw back water because it seems to slow down the process of dying. You casually work milk into the conversation and bring up ice cream in ways that are beyond clear that you’re just shoehorning it in.

Stage 6: You try praying bargaining.

Workaholics / Comedy Central / nbamusings / Tumblr
CREDIT: Workaholics / Comedy Central / nbamusings / Tumblr

All of a sudden you become religious and you pray to God for some relief, even though he has clearly forsaken you. Maybe this is His plan all along.

Stage 7: When that doesn’t work, you turn elsewhere.

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut / Paramount Pictures

God wasn’t home. You move onto trying to cut a deal with the dark lord, prince of darkness, Satan. You’re offering things you don’t have permission to give and just as you’re promising to name all of your children after Donald Trump… You start to regain feeling in your face.

Stage 8: Then you take it all back.

John Leguizamo Freak‎ / HBO

As soon as you feel even a little better, you’re immediately back to believing in science. Thank goodness for milk! I knew if you just threw a little lactose on the old intestine inferno, you could beat back the heat and regain your composure. Spicy food’s got nothing on you. You knew you had this.

Stage 9: Just when you thought it was over, you come face to face with THE NEXT MORNING…

Dragon Ball Z / Toei Animation

You fall into a ring of fire. Literally, your ass is the on fire. Even the toilet paper is catching flames. You’re back to begging God and since you’re alone, you start crying.

You will definitely never ever eat spicy food again…until you think you’re man enough to try it (again).

The Simpsons / Fox / the-future-now / Tumblr
CREDIT: The Simpsons / Fox / the-future-now / Tumblr

Or so you thought…


READ: It Takes Your Girlfriend Forever To Get Ready…

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This Mexican Megacar's Specs Are Insane, But The Exterior Is Where Its Innovation Shines

bad hombres

This Mexican Megacar’s Specs Are Insane, But The Exterior Is Where Its Innovation Shines

INFERNOAUTOMOBILI / INSTAGRAM

Videos of Mexico’s fabled “Inferno” megacar have been posted online for more than a year now, usually accompanied by face-melting guitar riffs and sounds of pedal-to-the-metal engine-revving. However, one question that has eluded gear-heads to this point is this: “When will it be available?”

Well, the wait is nearly over. Mexico’s “Inferno Exotic Car,” Maxim reports, will go into production later this year.

Screen Shot 2017-04-27 at 11.57.49 AM
INFERNOEXOTICCAR.COM

According to the company’s website, the Inferno was designed with help from Antonio Ferraioli, who was one of the creative minds behind cars like the Lamborghini Veneno Roadster and the rare Gallardo Super Trofeo.

The Inferno’s impressive specs puts it into the realm of the megacars.

CarDesign / YouTube

The first megacar to appear on the block was the Koenigsegg One: 1 in 2014. It received that distinction for it’s impressive 1,341 horsepower — or one megawatt of power. The Inferno, which tops out at 245 miles per hour, boasts an even more impressive 1,400 HP and a V8 with 670 lb-ft of torque.

With a press of the pedal, the Inferno Exotic Car can achieve 0 to 62 mph in under 3 seconds.

Screen Shot 2017-04-27 at 12.47.10 PM
INFERNOAUTOMOBILI / INSTAGRAM

??

For a real world comparison, the iconic Lamborghini Countach could achieve 0 to 60 in 4.7 seconds.

EVO / YOUTUBE

The Countach, which began its run in 1974, lugged around an even larger V12 and could hit a top speed of 183 mph and had a meager 455 hp.

And for a more modern comparison, the Nissan Leaf boasts a mind-blowing acceleration, going from 0 to 60 in 9.9 seconds.

NISSANUSA.COM

Careful! This one’s barely street legal.

The Inferno also sports a unique exterior that improves performance and security.

Screen Shot 2017-04-27 at 12.39.13 PM
INFERNOEXOTICCAR.COM

The “exclusive” metal foam is more than just a gimmick to sell cars. As Maxim reports, the Inferno checks in at a relatively light 2,646 pounds thanks in part to its metal foam body. For comparison, a Toyota Corolla can weigh around 2,840 pounds. The company’s website writes that the metal foam is “an exclusive material that improves security, since it can decrease and absorb the impact in a car crash. This material’s strength is compared to that of a commercial armored vehicle.”

Adding to the benefits, the company reports, the metal foam “is the perfect material for an exclusive hyper car, since it reduces weight it helps the car to increase its HP and reduce gas consumption.”

These factors make the car more responsive and improves the security of the driver, the company claims.

For a closer look at the Inferno Exotic Car, check out the video below!

Eric Graciano / YOUTUBE

[H/T] Maxim: A MEXICAN MEGACAR CALLED THE ‘INFERNO’ JUST MIGHT BE THE MOST EXTREME VEHICLE ON EARTH

READ: She Had Been Dropping Hints On IG For A Minute But It’s Confirmed: ‘Cars 3’ Has A Latina Lead!

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