bad hombres

WTF? YouTube Is Teaching Your Kids Things Whether You Want It To Or Not

NPR picked up a story about an 8-year-old kid who drove his sister to McDonald’s in the family car while their parents were in bed. The kid said he learned how to drive by watching videos on YouTube. This got me thinking of all the things I could learn… The future is here, and baby, it’ll blow your mind!

First, I looked up how to mix drinks and became a bartender.


Bartenders make bank. On top of that, those dudes get laid all the damn time. So, how can I go from ordering at the bar like some idiot, to shagging drinks behind it like Tom Cruise and that Australian guy from the movie ‘Cocktail?’


Cocktail / Touchstone Pictures

Surely, I’d need to go to some overpriced bartending school, right? Wrong. With the click of a mouse you can be homeschooled by Professor YouTube. So, why pay the teacher cow when you can get the teacher milk — or whatever — for free?


Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy / Dreamworks

***Oh, and this one should probably be for people 21 or older… unless, you’re cool. ‘Cuz then, yeah. Mix it up, little brother! JK?

Then I learned to fix my car and became a real man.


One of the most emasculating things that we have to endure is the stiff f*cking we get from mechanics when we go to them with ailing vehicles in our hour of need. They take advantage of you in a way you are aware of, but can’t do anything about, and they know it.


Louie / FX

Until now! My “car guy” has been replaced by some instructional videos and all of a sudden, I’m Tim “the Toolman” Taylor. Shoutout to YouTube for empowering me with more power. *grunt* Ladies?

After that, I saw a way to cut out the middleman by cutting my own hair.


Why go to some jerk to get A hair cut if I can just study a YouTube video and cut ALL of them myself? Oh, dad jokes… Anyway, this took some practice, but it’s been a game changer.


Seinfeld / Sony Pictures

Oh, and just in case, videos exist that can teach you how to wear hats if you mess up… or if you just don’t know how to wear hats. Spoiler Alert: On your dumb head. What is wrong with people?

Also, I learned how to meet women… and close the deal!


Are you ready to get the “good leads” from some of YouTube’s top experts on lady-loving? Consider YouTube your own personal Hitch… and learn your A-B-Cs


Glengarry Glen Ross / New Line Cinema

“A: Always. B: Be. C: Closing.” Thanks to the helpful advice, I met a woman and closed the deal like a Cadillac El Dorado was on the line!

So, now that I’m in love, how do I pop the question?


It costs too much to have a pilot write it in the sky with chemtrails, and I can’t just ask her at a sports event because if she says “no,” everyone will see me cry on the Titantron again. I want to propose to her, but there’s so many ways it can go wrong. If only I could enlist the help of some army special forces lunatic to teach me the different kinds of cuts there are for some reason — wait, I don’t need to! YouTube’s got me covered!


Manthropology / YouTube

Getting engaged sounds easy! Thanks, internet!

Oh, no! She got really freaked out. And I’ve already built my whole world around her… So, how do I keep her from ever leaving me…


Phew! Problem solved! Thanks, YouTube. Shoutout to Coco Cola for the assist! What could possibly go wrong?

Well, she figured it out and left with my heart, but maybe she’d come back if only YouTube could show HER how to love…


First, I have to make a new Facebook account… because she blocked my old one (probably by mistake), then I’m gonna send this video to her. I didn’t even watch it, but it looks like it’ll do the trick. If YouTube can teach an 8-year-old to drive a car, it can teach anybody anything! But don’t take my word for it, educate yourself!


READ: Seriously, Here’s Why You Should Stop Rubbing One Out Right Now!

If you’ve got the guts, leave a COMMENT! Don’t be a coward your whole life! Recommend this story to a friend by clicking on the SHARE button below!

Readers Share Adorable Stories of How Their Parents and Abuelos Met

Culture

Readers Share Adorable Stories of How Their Parents and Abuelos Met

@JulianFdo /Twitter

In the era of hookup culture and online swiping, it’s comforting to look back on the days when dating was a straight-forward affair: boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy marries girl. End of story. But, times have changed and finding your other half can feel more impossible than every Luckily, we can always look to older generations to give us hope. Their romantic stories of days past are always inspiring.

Readers of FIERCE by mitu shared their cute stories of how their parents and abuelos met. Check out some of our favorite ones below!

1. The old bait-and-switch

@ChrisRAlonso/Twitter

“My abuelos met eachother while they were living in Cuba. Abuelo pretended to be 5 years older than her to get her attention but was actually 2 years younger. He asked her out for ice-cream on their first date.”

2. The Cinderella Story

@JulianFdo/Twitter

“My Dad was rich & Mom poor, he chose her and was disowned by his family and lost his inheritance. They lived happily ever after working their asses off once they came to the United States. Love my parents”. -@mrs.jaypeeonenine

3. Love Letters Gone Wrong

@kathleenlights1/Twitter

“My dad was playing basketball at my moms high school. He saw my mom and asked her if he could write her. 1953. Mom told dad to write his address on the locker that he was using for the basketball game ( girls lockers). He did. On Monday morning the principal of moms school called to complain to the principal of my dads high school and was angry his basketball team had written all over the lockers. My dad and his team were punished and had to go back to my moms school to clean up the lockers. I still have the first letter my dad sent my mom. Mom passed away 10 years ago. I’m 64 and will never forget their love story”. – @dollycardenas50

4. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach

@cokythelad/Twitter

“My mom and dad both immigrated here from Argentina when they were kids. My dad was 9 and my mom was 2. My dad ended up going to high school with my mom’s little brother and they got super drunk one night together when they were 16. They were scared to go back to their houses (the wrath of a Latin mother!!) so they tried to sleep in a park. It got too cold, so they went back to my uncle’s place and decided to wake my mom up by throwing rocks at her window. At 3am, my mom let her hermanito and my dad crawl through her window. My dad and uncle set up camp in my uncle’s room to sleep everything off, but they were starving. My uncle sent my dad to knock on my mom’s door and ask if she could make pancakes (bc they’re legendary). She thought he was so cute, that she made them pancakes at 3am. They’ve been together ever since (they’re 52 now).” -@bryduca

5. A Tale of Two Heights

@joeytovar_ /Twitter

“My grandparents went to school together. He asked her to be his partner for a dance performance once. Grandpa says he would have asked her sooner but didn’t see her. He’s 6ft she’s 4’10.” -@danhely

6. Love at first sight

@lcarreradesign/Twitter

“My abuelos met each other on a bus in Chicago while Guelo was studying to be a priest. He was a light skinned, fiery haired Mexican man with a friendly smile. Guela’s golden brown Puerto Rican glow was accented by her elegant black ringlets and graceful summer dress. He was smitten the moment he saw her! They conversed about spirituality, faith, and love for something greater than self.Less than one year later, Guelo traded one sacrament for another so that we, our family, could be born.” -@e.m.castro

7. Flirting By Throwing Rocks?

@keithmburke/Twitter

“My abuela would fill up her cantaro with water & whenever she walked by, my abuelo would through small rocks. She hated him for making her dump the water & he loved how beautiful she looked angry”. -@mija_por_favor

8. Life-long dance partners

@babybellabb/Twitter

“My abuelos ran into each other multiple times in one day. They had gotten onto the same bus two different times. Later that night when my abuelo saw my abuela at a dance he decided seeing her a third time that day was a sign and asked her to dance. And they were dancing partners the rest of her life”. -@thetiffanyandco

9. The Bashful Beginning

@leticiasaurus /Twitter

“My dad was friends with my mom’s brothers but he never met her despite always being around. One day, my mom was cleaning the floor outside her house & saw my dad walking from a distance towards the house. She dropped the broom & ran inside. The rest, is history”. -@lifeasingrid

10. The Whirlwind Romance

@ohmy_itsyza/Twitter

“My grandma and grandpa met while being migrant workers. Grandma was 15 and he was 18. My grandma’s sisters were trying to get with my grandpa but grandma wasn’t having it. Their time at that location was almost over and they were going to be separated so after two weeks of knowing each other, they decided to marry. They were married 62 years before my grandma passed.” – @amorettenoel

11. A Military Marriage

@prietitaV/Twitter

“My grandfather was in the marines and was stationed in the Dominican Rep. training the Dominican Air Force. At a party he meet my abuelita and fell in love. He had to asked his superiors for permission to see her, then my great grandfather to court her. They both passed away one right after each other after being 50 years together” -@claudia_teresa1

12. A Meeting of Cultures

@TheHernandezLab/Twitter

“Mi abuela, Soledad, or Chole, was a very attractive and creative woman. Soon after high school she was dancing in a women’s Mexican folklorico troup at the 1933 Chicago World’s Fair. Mi abuelo Modesto, was selling Cuban cigars as a traveling salesman. They met at the Fair, fell in love and eventually had my mom, Rosalia.” -@fridadina

13. An arranged marriage with a happy ending…

@brina_la_nica/Twitter

“In my dad’s side of the family my grandma had to marry my grandpa because a chismosa saw her talking to him outside the grocery story, so my great-grandparents arranged the marriage to restore their honor. In my moms side of the family my grandma had to marry my grandpa to pay off a debt of his family take care of hers after my grandmas parents passed away when she was young. They loved each other and lived happily ever after.#arrangedmarriages” -@iris_herndz

14. An Irresistible Passion

@daiciamestas

“My parents met at a dance in Durango, Colorado. Durango is a college town perfectly located in the middle of my parent’s hometowns. My mother was promised to someone else through engagement, but my father won her heart before leaving for the Navy.” -@daiciamestas

YouTube Has A New Star In This Abuelita Who Is Sharing Her Traditional Mexican Recipes With The World

Culture

YouTube Has A New Star In This Abuelita Who Is Sharing Her Traditional Mexican Recipes With The World

One of the downsides of online celebrity is the predictability of who will become an influencer. By now, influencers have created a well established culture and even an industry. Some of them even have PR agencies to manage their affairs! By now, influencers in sectors such as fashion and video games have established formulas for monetizing content. This leads to a creative rut and lack of originality, so it is always refreshing with a totally different type of influencer enters the stage!

Enter this abuelita who totally immerses us into her lovely ranch and the traditional cooking methods that are passed down through generations.

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

You can´t get more authentic than that! Doña Ángela is from the great state of Michoacan, in Mexico. She has had an unexpected but very welcome success on social media. This is how she was introduced: leisurely walking among her crops.  

She opened the channel “De mi rancho a tu cocina” on August 19, 2019. And her viewership numbers will shock you!

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

In just over a month she has gathered over 300,000 followers and her videos (just 13 in total) have been watched over seven million times. There are plenty of influencer-wannabes who spend months, or even years, deploying carefully curated accounts and never get that kind of following. 

Her secret: absolute honesty and a sense of wholesomeness that is hard to fabricate.

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

This glorious abuelita talks to her audience as if we all were her nietecitos chulos. She also loves her land and her cooking with a passion that is impossible to make up. The ingredients are all fresh and the rustic nature of her kitchen is the total opposite of pristine settings used in high-production YouTube cooking channels. In short: es la neta la abuelita. 

Just look at those gorditas fluffing up and up and up… 

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

Seriously, if you are not salivating by now there is something seriously wrong with you… or you are not really into Mexican food. 

She walks us through every stage of the process with a nonchalant elegance.

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

We love her classic abuelita apron and the way in which she truly enjoys putting classic dishes together. The video series is also an ode for simplicity: you don’t need fancy and expensive kitchen equipment to let magic happen. 

And just look at that sweet, happy, content expression.

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

She has her gorditas just as she liked them, con poquita lechuga. Can we just move in with her already?

This is organic AF, ok?

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

Our amazing cooking master just walks to her crops and harvests flor de calabaza. If you want to buy it at a fancy hipster grocer te va a salir en un ojo de la cara. Hers is a true connection to the soil and an intuitive knowledge of nature. You can’t get more organic than that despite whatever certification or what-e-ver. 

And she prepares whole menus: atolito to go with that fresh flor de calabaza?

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

What sommeliers call “pairings” she simply calls the best way to enjoy dishes. With a delicious traditional beverage 

Look at that traditional comal…

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

Complete with coal and the marks left behind by countless sessions in the kitchen. 

Damn, that salsa has gotten our juices flowing.

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

We are talking about saliva, malpensados, puercos estos. 

And what about a delicious breakfast of eggs bathed in salsa?

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

She, of course, gets the eggs from her ranch as well. We seriously can’t think of a better way to wake up. Move over avocado on toast! This is the real deal, ese! 

And look at that pot brewing cafe de olla.

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

Imagine waking up to the aroma of a hot clay pot containing coffee with piloncillo and spices…. it is like dessert in a cazuelita and Mexico’s answer to all those over-the-top Starbucks jaladas. Give us a cafecito de olla over a frapuccino anytime!

Could she be the beginning of a trend?

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

We certainly hope so! The more we know about REAL Mexican grub, the better!

Because classics never get old.

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

Here she is making arroz a la mexicana, red Mexican rice as the gringos call it. 

Can it get any better?

Credit: YouTube / De mi rancho a tu cocina

Spoiler alert: it can’t.