bad hombres

This Article Would Be Better If It Were Written In Colombia Because I’m Funnier When I’m Drunk

Half Baked / Universal Pictures / Movieclips / YouTube

The working world is a drag, and unless you taste tequila for a living, chances are you don’t get trashed at work nearly as often as you’d like. But, if you’re down to relocate, I’ve got good news: Oddity Central reports that a couple of students from the University of Uniciencia took on Colombia’s Constitutional Court over labor violations, and now, it’s actually illegal for employers to “fire or discipline their employees for having consumed alcohol or narcotics…”

In Colombia, your boss can’t fire you for showing up drunk or on drugs…

Bad Santa / Sony Pictures

Thanks to some progressive reinterpreting of an article in Colombia’s Labor Code, people are now allowed to go into work under the influence of drugs and alcohol. The court approved of this controversial change by categorizing workers with alcohol dependency and narcotic addictions in the same class as those suffering from occupational illnesses.

As long as your productivity isn’t affected…

glashek / YouTube

If your work performance doesn’t suffer, you’re good to go, because some “substances don’t always hinder how one performs at work.” Like, coffee or PCP.

Of course, not everyone thinks it’s a good idea…


All-around buzzkill, Augusto Pérez is the head of a non-profit called Nuevos Rumbos that argues the new law will have “negative consequences” on the workers, themselves because it sets a “dangerous precedent and allows people to do whatever they like without fearing consequences.” It’s worth noting that many other substance abuse prevention organizations agree with him, but they’re squares, so who cares what they think? Let’s tie one on!

But, too bad — it’s the law!

Stranger Things / Netflix

A brief sent to the court specifically covered two articles of labor law violations: The first ensures all workers “equality of opportunity” and the other guarantees “all people are equal before the law and asserts that the state has an obligation to provide special protections for people who, owing to their economic circumstances or physical or mental condition, find themselves in a manifestly weak position.” Justice!

Of course, there are exceptions…

Half Baked / Universal Pictures

Depending what field you’re in, you might not get to party with the rest of us. Cops, airplane pilots, probably heart surgeons — really, anybody whose jobs “involve high risk for the worker, his co-workers, or third parties” — you’re out. You’ll just have to party at home like the unfortunate folks living in less-advanced countries like America.

So, let’s move to Colombia!

Half Baked / Universal Pictures

Then, when some nerd tries to ruin your good time by hassling you to “sober up” or end the party early just because “the sun’s up,” you can laugh right in his dumb face. You’re a plumber, not a weatherman or the president, so who cares that you like to get wet if it makes your day go by a little easier? I been there, brother. I get it. We fought (Dun! Dun!) for our right (Dun! Dun!) to paaaaarty, and we won (in Colombia)!

[H/T] Colombians Can Now Go to Work Drunk Or High as Long as It Doesn’t Affect Their Performance

READ: A Brazilian Microbrewer Has Crafted Beer From An Ingredient You’d Never Expect

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Here's Why You Should Leave The Butt Stuff To Professionals

bad hombres

Here’s Why You Should Leave The Butt Stuff To Professionals

MarkScottAustinTX / Flickr / Christina Henderson

The Miami Herald reports that a woman has been hospitalized after experiencing complications that resulted from $43,000 worth of illegal butt injections.

For nearly a year, a woman got “unknown injections” in her face and derrière…

Generation Loss / YouTube

The victim underwent unsanctioned procedures for almost ten months before eventually bottoming out. She apparently had no knowledge of what was being pumped into her face and backside, but continued anyway. Who hasn’t been there?

She wound up in the hospital, so the cops went after the man responsible…

Community / NBC

You can’t look him up in legitimate medical records, but his name does appear in the West Miami-Dade police log as Carlos Gilberto Mendoza — a 49-year old man authorities say isn’t even a licensed doctor. I haven’t checked, but I bet that’s come up at least once in his Yelp! reviews.

But, when they raided his residence, they found a stockpile of illegal butt-stuffing ingredients…

The Simpsons / Fox

Authorities busted him with bacteriostatic water, botox and lidocaine, a skin-numbing pain-reliever used to treat arrhythmia. He’s been charged with “performing medical procedures without a license and illegally possessing prescription drugs with the intent to sell.”

The bottom line is that this is what can happen if we don’t love ourselves.

Saved By The Bell / NBC

Let’s face it; we live in a Kardashian-shaped world where real women have curves. But, if there’s anything we’ve learned from America Ferrera movies, it’s that beauty comes from within. So, love the body you have — or at least, don’t let some dude with a cocking gun stuff your trunk with mystery junk.

[H/T]: Miami-Dade man charged with giving illegal butt injections that left woman in hospital

READ: If You’re On The Fence About Working Out Your Forearms You Might Find This Helpful

If you or someone you know wants or needs butt injections in their face or whatever, please leave a comment! Share this story with the world by tapping the SHARE button below!

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