bad hombres

This Article Would Be Better If It Were Written In Colombia Because I’m Funnier When I’m Drunk

Half Baked / Universal Pictures / Movieclips / YouTube

The working world is a drag, and unless you taste tequila for a living, chances are you don’t get trashed at work nearly as often as you’d like. But, if you’re down to relocate, I’ve got good news: Oddity Central reports that a couple of students from the University of Uniciencia took on Colombia’s Constitutional Court over labor violations, and now, it’s actually illegal for employers to “fire or discipline their employees for having consumed alcohol or narcotics…”

In Colombia, your boss can’t fire you for showing up drunk or on drugs…

Bad Santa / Sony Pictures

Thanks to some progressive reinterpreting of an article in Colombia’s Labor Code, people are now allowed to go into work under the influence of drugs and alcohol. The court approved of this controversial change by categorizing workers with alcohol dependency and narcotic addictions in the same class as those suffering from occupational illnesses.

As long as your productivity isn’t affected…

glashek / YouTube

If your work performance doesn’t suffer, you’re good to go, because some “substances don’t always hinder how one performs at work.” Like, coffee or PCP.

Of course, not everyone thinks it’s a good idea…

SNL / NBC

All-around buzzkill, Augusto Pérez is the head of a non-profit called Nuevos Rumbos that argues the new law will have “negative consequences” on the workers, themselves because it sets a “dangerous precedent and allows people to do whatever they like without fearing consequences.” It’s worth noting that many other substance abuse prevention organizations agree with him, but they’re squares, so who cares what they think? Let’s tie one on!

But, too bad — it’s the law!

Stranger Things / Netflix

A brief sent to the court specifically covered two articles of labor law violations: The first ensures all workers “equality of opportunity” and the other guarantees “all people are equal before the law and asserts that the state has an obligation to provide special protections for people who, owing to their economic circumstances or physical or mental condition, find themselves in a manifestly weak position.” Justice!

Of course, there are exceptions…

Half Baked / Universal Pictures

Depending what field you’re in, you might not get to party with the rest of us. Cops, airplane pilots, probably heart surgeons — really, anybody whose jobs “involve high risk for the worker, his co-workers, or third parties” — you’re out. You’ll just have to party at home like the unfortunate folks living in less-advanced countries like America.

So, let’s move to Colombia!

Half Baked / Universal Pictures

Then, when some nerd tries to ruin your good time by hassling you to “sober up” or end the party early just because “the sun’s up,” you can laugh right in his dumb face. You’re a plumber, not a weatherman or the president, so who cares that you like to get wet if it makes your day go by a little easier? I been there, brother. I get it. We fought (Dun! Dun!) for our right (Dun! Dun!) to paaaaarty, and we won (in Colombia)!


[H/T] Colombians Can Now Go to Work Drunk Or High as Long as It Doesn’t Affect Their Performance

READ: A Brazilian Microbrewer Has Crafted Beer From An Ingredient You’d Never Expect

If you rip it up at work on the sly or wish you could, leave a comment. Share this story with all of your friends by tapping that little share button below!

A Utah Mother Tried Telling Police Officers That She Was Her Daughter To Avoid Being Arrested

Things That Matter

A Utah Mother Tried Telling Police Officers That She Was Her Daughter To Avoid Being Arrested

When you see those cop lights flashing behind you, what’s the first thing you think of? How am I going to get out of this? That’s my first thought anyway. I’m sure others thing “don’t shoot!” or “it wasn’t me!” Some can get out of a ticket by crying and making up a lie or acting oblivious about not knowing the speeding the limit. But when you have outstanding warrants under your name you better come up with a better story than just pretending to be naive. This hilarious but unfortunate case should be a lesson to all.

A 38-year-old woman tried to pass off as her 21-year-old daughter after she was stopped by police and discovered she had several outstanding warrants under her name. 

Credit: @PinkSheepNews / Twitter

Meet Heather Garcia, a woman from Davis County, Utah. Police stopped her while she was driving a silver BMW. They allegedly found a white substance in her car and drug paraphernalia. When officers asked her who she was, she said her name was Mercedes and that was born in 1998. Now we know it’s not proper to ask a woman her age, that is unless you’re talking to law officers. Her quick thinking would not have the impact on the police officers she was hoping for.

Police did not buy her story of being born in 1998, so they arrested her for the outstanding warrants and other charges.

Credit: @ScallywagNYC / Twitter

Garcia was charged with “several drug charges including possession or use of a controlled substance, marijuana possession and possession of drug paraphernalia, according to inmate records,” obtained by Fox News. Cops claim to have found a white, powdery substance in Garcia’s car along with drug paraphernalia. We know that some police departments have issued questionable arrests in the past, however, they have to perform their investigation before anyone knows exactly what is going on. As for the marijuana charges, some states have started to overturn old marijuana charges and it is becoming more and more legal across the country. However, Utah only allows for medicinal marijuana making the possession of marijuana charges a serious one for Garcia.

“By providing individuals a path to have their records expunged, including those who have been unjustly impacted based on their race or ethnicity, and reducing the penalty for unlawful possession of marijuana to a fine, we are giving many New Yorkers the opportunity to live better and more productive, successful and healthier lives,” Governor Cuomo said in a statement, provided by CNN. Garcia was pulled over because her car didn’t have a license plate, according to te police.

We still can’t help but feel bad for Garcia. Why hasn’t anyone told her that the 1980s chola look isn’t in fashion anymore? 

Credit: YouTube

A good chola style is always incredible, especially that old-school veterana look, but Garcia went too far with the eyebrows and undereye wingtip. We didn’t even think that was actually possible. We’re all fans of Sad Girl, Mousie, Giggles, Baby Doll and the whole gang from “Mi Vida Loca.” Unfortunately, Garcia took those standards to another level and it worked against her, especially with her age.

Some people on social media said Garcia’s chola look actually looked more like Tim Curry in “Rocky Horror Picture Show.”

Credit: @tryxie1010 / Twitter

Alright, we see the resemblance, it’s the eyebrows, dark eyeliner, and red lipstick, but isn’t that a little cruel? 

Now, we know what you’re asking yourself…

Credit: @thegoozz_1 / Twitter

Yes, we’re wondering that too. If Garcia honestly thought she could pass off as her daughter, she must look exactly like her, right? We are all wrong. 

Her daughter is beautiful!

Credit: Facebook

This 21-year-old Mercedes and she’s stunning, which means she has her mom’s genes. We just know that beauty is underneath all that makeup. Imagine her mom with naturally curly hair. She would look younger in an instant. 

We just know if Garcia wore less makeup we could see her natural beauty!

Credit: Facebook

Less is more is our motto, and we think Heather is being wrongfully judged for her exaggerated chola look. We are certain if she had a make-under, her true beauty would shine and she would no longer get judged in this harsh manner. We also believe people can turn their lives around. It is possible. Si se puede!

READ: Real Cholas Shut Down Fake Chola Fashion

Our Summer Will Be Ending On A Sparkling Note Thanks To The Release Of This New Brand Of Sparkling Tequila

Culture

Our Summer Will Be Ending On A Sparkling Note Thanks To The Release Of This New Brand Of Sparkling Tequila

@AzulanoTequila / Twitter

Summer 2019 is officially the summer carbonation took over the hearts and minds of the adult beverage industry. Natty Light, PBR, Four Loko, the internet favorite, White Claw, and practically any alcohol company with a pulse who can make and bottle boozy seltzer jumped on a train that continues to bubble out of control.

The next phase of the sparkling beverage boom: sparkling tequila.

LA-based Pure Azul just announced that it will be rolling out Azulana sparkling tequila this week in California, producing the first and only beverage on the market made with 100% blue agave tequila and sparkling soda.

Crafted in Jalisco, Mexico, it comes canned in three flavors: Original (tequila-flavored sparkling soda), Lime, and Pineapple Rosemary. Azulana sparkling tequila will be released in 12-oz. cans, containing 4.3% ABV with 145 calories.

In other words, the legit perfect drink for summer. You just may want to break out some sal y limón to fully enjoy it. 

The three flavors are each unique and, not gonna lie, sound straight up tasty.

Credit: @AzulanoTequila / Twitter

According to the company’s website, the “Original” flavor goes down smooth with a “lightly sweet” and “slightly tart” taste.

The “Pineapple Rosemary,” meanwhile, boasts a fruity, herbal flavor somewhat reminiscent of flowers, while the “Lime” option is zesty and tropical.

Sparkling tequila is the latest in a total takeover of the alcoholic beverage industry by sparkly, bubbly bebidas. 

Clearly, Azulana looks to capitalize on two glaring beverage industry trends: the proliferation of sparkling hard seltzer and the continued success of tequila, which Azulana notes “continues to thrive.” In 2017, for example, the US saw an 8.5% increase in tequila liter sales over the previous year, according to the Distilled Spirits Council.

In a press release, Katie Pittman, Head of Sales and Marketing at Pure Azul notes, “Our goal is to help others understand that tequila isn’t just enjoyed during a wild night out – with Azulana, it can truly be enjoyed during all occasions – anywhere, anytime.”

It’s also good timing — tequila sales are up, up, up, across the US. 

It may not seem like it to those of us who regularly order the Patron or Cuervo when having a party, but it’s true. Tequila sales are booming in the US. In 2017, for example, tequila sales were up 8.5% from the year before. 

So if there was ever a time to enter the tequila business, it would be now. Make them coins. 

The grand unveiling was August 22nd at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, Calif.

And, of course, it made its debut at a Rolling Stones concert. Because I guess tequila and Stones go together like…sal y limón? 

But don’t worry if you didn’t make it to that concert. You won’t have to wait long. The sparking tequila beverage will be available at Bristol Farms supermarkets in Southern California from August 28th before expanding to other markets and regions from then. 

While some seem to at least be open to the idea…

I mean, it all really depends on your feelings toward sparkling drinks to begin with. If you’re already a fan, then sparkling tequila isn’t too much of a stretch. 

Mexicans are openly skeptical.

But let’s note, many on Latino Twitter basically said they were simultaneously fascinated and disgusted by the idea of sparkling tequila.

And a few people pointed out that summer is nearly over. 

But if you have sparking tequila at your house…is summer ever really over?