bad hombres

These Latino Spider-Man Impersonators Are Taking Way It Too Far

Eyes In The World / YouTube / Ken Nickerson / Flickr

There’s something amazing about costumed impersonators, especially the ones who play Spider-Man. Whenever someone puts on that iconic web-lined mask, they forget that they’re not really superheroes. People everywhere, from Brooklyn to Bogotá, are injuring themselves at kids’ parties. Here’s what happens when you forget that with no power comes no responsibility to attempt spider-stunts.

Spider-Man is especially popular with Latino superhero impersonators.

@alexandralopez_7 / Instagram

This amazing Spider-Man could only be found dabbing in Puerto Rico.

Probably because we make it look so damn good.

What’s Trending 2 / YouTube

Even if this was your car, you’d have a hard time denying how dope this fashion-forward spider-dude looks, stunting in that crouched down modified B-boy stance. Bonus style points awarded for his unlicensed use of the Timberland boots and Yankees hat combo.

The problem with being a Spider-Man impersonator is you don’t actually have any of his superpowers.

El Rincón de Baco / YouTube

Like his ability to determine when a bus has stopped.

You don’t have his spider-agility.

Wenzaa / YouTube

This Chilean web-head brought some little kid’s birthday party to crawl after this friendly neighborhood face-plant.

And you can’t climb walls…

aaron alfonso gallegos de la cruz / YouTube

Here’s what happens when Mexican Spider-Man tries to be Peter Parkour.

… Or even fences.

GIPHY

Good fences make good neighbors, but broken ones make lawsuits. If you hire a Spider-Man, and he gets paralyzed because you failed to reinforce your flipping pickets, get ready to pay for this classic case of gross negligence.

You don’t possess his radioactive-born ability to refuse that second helping of Abuela’s tamales.

SrCulero / YouTube

We’ve all been there, and by “there” I mean “in a strangers living room after crashing through their roof dressed like an arachnid superhero.” Am I right?!

And, you don’t even have the spidey-sense to stay off the damn roof!

El Rincón de Baco / YouTube

There’s a reason Spider-Man is called a wall-crawler and not a roof-crawler. Stay off the roof!

Even if you had Spidey’s sticky hands…

Espectáculos Marlik / YouTube

If this awkward ass handshake had lasted half a second longer, Chris Hansen would’ve popped out of a Venom-shaped piñata.

…You still wouldn’t have his reflexes.

Espectáculos Marlik / YouTube

Yikes! People are getting hurt. Just dressing like a superhero doesn’t make you one. J. Jonah Jameson was right: “Spider-Man is a menace!”

However, like the Spider-Man of Bogotá, you don’t need superpowers to be the hero.

RT in Spanish / YouTube

Jahn Freddy Duque is a web-swinging daredevil (a, not the Daredevil) street performer in Colombia. Dressed as Spider-Man, he entertains on-lookers in Bogotá with jaw-dropping acrobatic stunts while suspended from a bridge by thins strands of aerial fabric. He’s got children, as well as some adults convinced that what they’re seeing is the comic book hero come to life.

RT in Spanish / YouTube

Should this level of his showmanship and dedication to the character be the aim for every superhero impersonator?

READ: Want Superpowers? Here’s What You Should Think About Before Saying Yes

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Only Sneakerheads Will Understand Why Fat Joe Recently Licked The Bottom Of DJ Khaled's Sneaker

bad hombres

Only Sneakerheads Will Understand Why Fat Joe Recently Licked The Bottom Of DJ Khaled’s Sneaker

@djkhaled / Twitter

Mr. Don Cartagena himself, Fat Joe, was spotted recently on social media doing his classic bottom-of-the-shoe lick on a pair of Nike Air Jordan Retro 3’s in a blood-red color way, complete with the world famous elephant print we’ve come to expect on the shoe so many of us love. Most people wouldn’t bat an eye at Fat Joe’s gratuitous tongue-display. Fat Joe is no stranger to licking shoes or getting the hook-up on exclusive kicks. He is arguably one of the most prolific sneakerheads in the game. But… what’s this? These are no ordinary exclusive kicks. The shoe Joey Crack is licking is the DJ Khaled “We The Best” Air Jordan 3, a direct collaboration with Jordan Brand.

King of exclusive Air, and of licking shoe bottoms, Fat Joe gave DJ Khaled’s kicks the tongue treatment.

If you’re confused, Fat Joe, to prove how clean, crisp and mint a pair of shoes are, will lick the bottoms. It’s something he says he did back when he first got rich and didn’t know how to act. He did this casually on his episode of MTV Cribs and sneakerheads the world over picked it up. Fat Joe and DJ Khaled are sneaker biffles, so it only made sense for Joe to be one of the first to get a pair.

Fat Joe has been licking sneakers to prove their deadstock quality for years.

Credit: MTV / Giphy

Here is that famous moment, where Fat Joe dragged his tongue on the bottom of an exclusive pair of deadstock “Barcelona Olympics” Air Jordan 7. The shoes featured a “#9” on the back for the number Michael Jordan sported while winning gold back in the 1992 Summer Olympic Games. “Deadstock” or “DS” is sneaker language for brand new, never worn, never taken out of the box kicks. And if you’re going to lick a shoe – they better be DS or yuck.

Although Fat Joe made sneakerhead history with his lick, DJ Khaled had his own moment on Complex.

This complex video not only gave us our first glimpse into DJ Khaled’s love and appreciation for the Jordan brand, having already gotten two pair of custom Air Jordans from JB with the “We The Best” log on them years before his official collaboration would ever happen, this video also gave us the amazing quotable line “Congratulations, you played yourself.” In the outtakes video he also predicts his future collaboration with Jordan, saying “When I get my opportunity, it’s gon’ be serious.”

DJ Khaled’s collaboration is serious-ly red.

The shoe features an almost entirely hot-red upper, tongue, midsole and mudguard, with just a smidge of white on the outsole and lining, the elephant print we all know and love and a slice of black on the heel.

He’s started sharing the shoe with other celebrities.

A master of social media, DJ Khaled is using his celebrity friends to boost the hype around the show. Here he and Travis Scott strike poses.

DJ Khaled uses his mastery of internet culture to boost the exposure of the shoe.

Bringing comedian Trevor Noah and the “What are those?!” meme into his gravitational pull, DJ Khaled is a blender of social media, making smoothies out of the individual chunks of the internet.

The unveiling of the shoe was just as dramatic as everything else DJ Khaled does.

A post shared by DJ KHALED (@djkhaled) on

But don’t let DJ Khaled’s collection and Fat Joe’s shoe licking antics fool you, Fat Joe’s sneaker collection, is a problem.

There’s a reason people started collecting shoes the way these two titans have and Fat Joe was at the core of that movement. I mean, this video isn’t even his main shoe closet.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like the DJ Khaled-collaborated-Jordan-manufactured-Fat-Joe-licked shoes won’t be coming to a store near you.

A post shared by DJ KHALED (@djkhaled) on

The shoes seem to have been produced in limited quantities and the only way to get your hands on them is by being a famous rapper or by pre-ordering DJ Khaled’s upcoming album, which just so happens to have a Fat Joe feature. Might be worth it to pre-order if you think this Jordan collaboration is sneaker-lickin’ good. You know how Joey Crack does. ? ?


[H/T] Sole Collector

READ: Her Parents Couldn’t Afford Running Shoes, Now She’s An Olympian


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