Mashable reported a story on William Oliver, the 30-year-old dude from Atlanta who’s trying to get anybody with an internet connection to help him pay for his girlfriend’s engagement ring. His GoFundMe page went viral and nobody’s really sure what to think about it.
Through his GoFundMe page, William’s asking family, friends, and internet strangers to buy his girlfriend a $15,000 engagement ring…
I’m not saying she isn’t worth at least that much, but you’re only supposed to spend the equivalent of what you’d make in three months’ salary. If William arrived at 15K using the same man math as the rest of us, then he makes enough to not even need our help. Even if you can crowdsource the whole amount, there’s no way his girlfriend would be tacky enough to accept it, right?
The video he posted perfectly captures exactly why he feels that she’s worth it…
William’s genuine reaction to being surprised by his girlfriend reveals an endearing vulnerability that gives potential donors a personal look into his relationship. Even to me, it felt genuine and for that, he deserves at least a warm Yelp! review.
But why would anybody want to give their money to William — I mean, what’s in it for us me?
For argument’s sake, let’s say I’m indifferent. In my advanced age (30 for 30, like William), I have grown as jaded as I have always been cheap. For me to even consider donating the minimum amount, I’ll need something tangible to justify my contribution and offset my terminal case of buyer’s remorse.
So, if I help buy his girlfriend an engagement ring, I want to be the one to give it to her…
I don’t know what kind of person she is, or even what she looks like. She sounds wonderful in the video, and even made a cute ’30 for 30′ joke — wait, does that mean she likes basketball? Oh, if she does, she’s probably a Hawk’s fan… That’s not a deal-breaker, I just feel sad for her because she’ll never get to see her favorite team win a championship during her entire lifetime.
All I know is that she lives in Atlanta, and effective immediately, I’m launching my own GoFundMe page…
I, hereby set out to compete with her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, William in a race to bum money from strangers on the internet friends we haven’t met yet. First one to reach $15,000 gets to marry your girlfriend.
This one is for all the single ladies out there. For those who have an aversion to f*ckboys, f*ckgirls, and f*ckpeople, and for all the little homies out there that prefer the company of their own damned selves to anyone else, you’ll love this abuela-in-age-only. It turns out the secret to a long life isn’t some fad diet, magic pill, or even exercise, apparently. A woman who is older than a century — that means she’s lived long enough to see Jim Crow, the moon landing, World War II, AOL, Y2K, and every Pitbull music video ever made (including features) — revealed her secret to a long life.
Hint: trust no man!
So what are you doing for your big 1-0-7?
Louise Signore, a resident of the Bronx, New York (editor’s note: yerrr), celebrated her 107th birthday on Wednesday. She had a lit party at the JASA Bartow Community Center in Co-Op city with over 100 of her closest friends and loved ones.
OK to be fair, Signore does maintain a healthy diet and does in fact exercise on the regular. But lots of people lead healthy lifestyles and they kick the bucket a lot younger than Signore.
“If they have exercise, I do the exercise. If they have dancing, I dance. I still do a little dancing. After my lunch, I will play bingo, so I had a full day,” Signore, who is Italian American, told WCBS. “Italian food. Italian food is very good for you. I was brought up with very good food. No soda, no cake.”
The secret of the century…
Signore believes the key to her youthful glow and longevity is never marrying. Do you hear that? The key to a long life is staying single and living your best life. As the saying goes: the most important relationship of your life is the one with yourself.
“I think the secret of 107: I never got married. I think that’s the secret. My sister says, ‘I wish I never got married,” she said.
Perhaps, Signore feels she got a little more out of life than other people who had to prioritize their children and partners over other experiences. With duties more equally split amongst partners nowadays, things might be different for women who choose to marry in 2019 and beyond.
Signore’s sister is 102 years old. It sounds like she was once married, but she is also over a century old like Signore. I am starting to think Signore’s theory might fall apart under greater scientific scrutiny. You hate to see it! But we love to see a woman who is proud of her life choices either way. (It’s also possible Signore just wanted to drag her sister’s marriage a little bit. Don’t make it hot, abuela.)
Laughing at all those memes might grant you a long life too.
“I said I’ve had enough parties,” Signore joked. In Signore’s community, she’s known for her dry sense of humor and being agile as ever. Fun fact: Destiny’s Child wrote a song about Signore it’s called “Independent Women.”
“She’s got no walking cane, no wheelchair. She does all her shopping. She’s awesome,” said her friend Deborah Whitaker.
While her sister doesn’t take any prescription medicine, Signore admits she takes one high blood pressure pill.
Things were really popping off in 1912.
Born in Harlem, New York in 1912, Signore moved to the Bronx when she was 14 and has called it home ever since. The year she was born Woodrow Wilson took office, the Titanic hit an iceberg, and Mexico was embroiled in a revolution that would last another eight years; women still wore pantaloons under their dresses, the Dominican Republic was ending its bloody civil war, and people would have to wait another 92 years to hear Pitbull’s M.I.A.M.I.
Abuelita is a survivor.
While Signore believes she has been lucky in life, her time on this earth has not been without challenges. She is legally blind, recently had a close call with pneumonia, and survived an assault and robbery at 103 years old.
Life is the longest thing any of us will ever do no matter when it ends. Some of us like to be cuffed up, others prefer to go it by themselves. Just remember, being single doesn’t mean you are ever alone. Signore has a community of over 100 people to celebrate her life with. However way you choose to go through it, Signore shows that it’s the relationships we form — platonic or romantic — that matter most.
Our recent social platforms have made it certain that dating in today’s era is tough. Talk to your abuela about dating in her age, and she’ll probably tell you a story of waiting by a phone for a call and meeting up with a suitor at the local sock hop. She didn’t have to: swipe right and left on her Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and OkCupid profiles. Or, check her DMs on Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat to find out if someone she was interested in was down to “hang out” on a Friday night. Nope. Not like we have to.
One woman in Los Angeles became so fed up with the dating game and committing herself to the chase of apps that she decided it was time to commit to herself. So she did just that. On her 25th birthday. Over the weekend, 25-year-old Janis Valdez said, “yes” to a life of putting herself first.
In a recent post to her Instagram page, the Mexican-American revealed to family and friends that she’d gotten married. To herself.
“Sometimes you just gotta vow to love yourself cause no one else will do it for you. Nothing more I could of wanted from this birthday 👰🏻💕💍 #MarriedToMyself,” she captioned her post.
This woman also isn’t the only one to have gone this route in recent years. It’s beginning to become a trend that experts have coined “sologamy” –– but heck, call it whatever you want.
When asked about what led her to make the choice to give up on the dating scene – for now – and marry herself, Valdez told FIERCE by mitú: “After many ghosts, booty calls you thought were serious, and [people playing] catfish, you can only take so much. So I decided, I’m turning 25. It’s time for a quarter-life crisis moment.” (She’s only half-joking, y’all).
Valdez said her decision to say “I do” to herself was in an effort to change her perspective and approach to life.
“It’s for a life change,” Valdez explained. “It’s time I actually love myself because clearly… looking for someone else to love you in a city of complete vapidness and ego, no one’s going to love you for you.”
Speaking about her decision to marry herself, Valdez told us that she decided to have the ceremony on her birthday because “what’s a better way to bring in 25 than to fucking marry yourself? I thought it was pretty badass.”
But remember, Valdez’s decision to mary herself is about commitment to herself, not necessarily about committing to a life without a partner.
Writer Lea Rose Emery explained to Brides Magazine in the article Sologamy: Why More and More Women Are Marrying…Themselves that “some self-marriage proponents are bound to keep flying solo, many who choose to self-marry by no means plan on being alone. It’s not about replacing or preventing a potential partner. It’s not about being alone—it’s about being enough.”
Valdez says she told her family a few years ago that she was “probably going to end up marrying herself because dating was not working out.” She says she sort of made a pact with her sister, that if they reached their thirties without being married they would marry themselves but still throw an extravagant and fabulous ceremony together so their parents could have that to look forward to. Of course, since then both sisters have been in relationships. Valdez’s sister is currently in a committed one and Valdez was in one that she describes as “a very serious long term relationship” for some time until things ended. Pursuing relationships after the breakup proved to be rough, however, as Valdez explains “dating since my break-up has been horrible.”
Valdez isn’t letting that experience completely take over her life and she seems to be taking matters into her own hands – prioritizing herself and learning to love herself first and foremost.
Valdez also creates videos on YouTube where she not only chronicles her life in the city with her friends but also has a series called, “Dating in L.A.”
If you watch, she says, you’ll get a glimpse into how horrible dating in L.A. really is.
In it, the writer states: “Relationships are hard. Relationships in Los Angeles are harder. Maybe the 405 is to blame for canceled dates? Perhaps Peter Pan Syndrome prevents substantive connections? No matter the cause, single Angelenos are approaching the dating game with apathy rather than intent, and that’s unpleasant.” You can say that again.
Dating in L.A. can be a downer for many reasons. We’ve got a list longer than CVS receipts.
For Valdez, she says she isn’t much into the bar or clubbing scene and she’s a homebody. “I’m so closely tied to my friends that it’s honestly a hard position I put myself in to meet new people,” she explains. “So of course, I turned to apps. But [many times] people never looked like their pictures. [Other times] people are just looking for matches and validation.”
And the list goes on. She also says her experiences with dating apps meant that people were simply “matching with her” but not reaching out or just ghosting her straight up. She was fed up with those experiences that left a bad taste in her mouth. She says it was also harder for her to date around as a bisexual woman.
To other bisexual women in the dating, she would say, “Be picky with the guys you date and when and how you tell them you’re bi. I’m sure I’m not the only one to get ‘threesome?’ A lot of the time, too, I’ll tell a guy that I’m bi and that immediately sexualizes me [in their eyes] and they can’t see me in any other light.”
So she advises other women in similar situations to “just do what feels right to you at the moment. So if you don’t have a feel for this person right off the bat, maybe try to get to know them a little more and make sure it’s not someone who’s going to be ignorant [about you and your feelings. But also be yourself.”
But despite her experience with dating in L.A., Valdez isn’t letting that make her completely close off.
If Valdez meets someone and there’s a genuine connection, she says she’s not going to turn that down just because she’s married.
“I put myself first. That’s what’s different after marriage. I’m someone who maybe prioritized my significant others too much, or above myself. And marrying myself was the first step in really changing that behavior,” she explains. “I am the most important. I will do right by me and if I’m right by me then I can do right by others. All that stuff. But I’m done with the meaningless casualties of dating. I don’t feel like putting effort into people who couldn’t care less about me. I just feel empty when I do that. So if something genuine and deep and real and meaningful comes, I won’t shut it down.”
Cheers to that!
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