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A New Spider Was Discovered In Baja California After Biting Someone, And It’s Bigger Than A Softball

TheCrypticCinema / YouTube

When was the last time you had a nightmare that continued to frighten you long after you’d already woken up in a terrified sweat? If it’s been years, that streak ends now. According to Gizmodo, in an article they filed under “Kill It With Fire,” a new species of spider has been discovered that’s the size of a softball and guaranteed to give nightmares.

Meet the Califorctenus Cacachilensis, a newly discovered spider that is so gruesome the devil uses its named as his safe word.

Tarantula / Universal Pictures

This new species of arachnid gets its name and classification from the remote mountain region of Baja California Sur, Mexico where researchers from the San Diego Natural History Museum found it in a cave. This hairy spider is four inches of bad dream-inspiring terror. So, just to recap, it lives in caves and is the same size as a Rawlings Dream Seam. (TBH, I’d rather get hit with a pitch than come face to face with this guy.)

This 8-legged freak is unlike the thousands of other documented species of arachnids.

Arachnophobia / Amblin Entertainment

Although it’s actually classified in the same group as the super venomous, Brazilian wandering spider, the Califorctenus Cacachilensis isn’t as dangerous. According to the San Diego Tribune, one of the researchers who found the first live specimen was actually bit, but ended up being totally fine a just few hours later.

But its role in the spider-led extinction of all mankind is just as important.

Eight Legged Freaks / Warner Bros.

Gizmodo reported on a study that claimed spiders, worldwide, are responsible for collectively consuming around 800 million metric tons of food every year — that’s about as much as the combined weight estimate for all humans on Earth. So, there it is. When spiders decide to wipe us off the earth, they won’t even get fat doing it because, apparently, they’ve already been training for it.

[H/T] Gizmodo: This New Mexican Cave Spider is Ridiculous 

READ: Here’s A List Of Things That Take Away Your Manhood

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You Might Know Him As One Half Of The Legendary Duo, Cheech & Chong, But You Probably Don't Know How Much He Continues To Influence Pop Culture

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You Might Know Him As One Half Of The Legendary Duo, Cheech & Chong, But You Probably Don’t Know How Much He Continues To Influence Pop Culture

cheechmarinofficial / Instagram

Comedy icon, Richard “Cheech” Marin is an accomplished comedian, musician, and writer. More than a triple threat, his 70-year-old prowess translates to both sides of the camera as an acclaimed actor and experienced director.

Cheech helped blaze the trail that gave an identity to a burgeoning counterculture as one half of the legendary duo, Cheech & Chong, and was influential in pioneering the film genre that we know today as “stoner” comedies.

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In front of "Mejico Mejico" by Frank Romero

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What began with music and standup, evolved into a two-man stage show that was formatted into standalone sketches.

Cheech and Chong’s Next Movie / Universal Pictures 

Their affection for surrealist satire set them apart from mainstream comedy as they honed their signature subversiveness by appealing equally to critical philistines and pot-smoking teenagers. They cultivated a loyal fanbase and exploded as pop culture mainstays.

Together, they released hugely successful comedy albums…

CheechAndChong / Funny or Die

Their self-titled debut “Cheech and Chong” featured a bit called, “Dave’s Not Here,” that would eventually become one of the most famous routines since Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s On First?” They followed it up with the quintessential classics like “Get Out Of My Room” and “Los Cochinos.”

And a series of films that has influenced “stoner” comedies ever since.

Up in Smoke / Paramount Pictures

Up In Smoke” stands out among the other Cheech & Chong classics because it defines the entire genre. However, “Nice Dreams” is my favorite. To me, it embodies everything about the duo’s absurdist wit and edgy approach. In no small part, that movie shaped my sense of humor during the formative years when I was a kid in a way that continues to inform my sensibilities as a writer.

But when they famously split up, Cheech went solo and thrived as an actor on TV.

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Me and Don

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@cheechmarinofficial / Instagram

The duo disbanded at the end of the ‘80s and then didn’t even talk to each other for years. During that time, Cheech’s individual career began to blossom. With memorable appearances in countless television shows since the early ‘90s, Cheech’s acting earned him a role in the police drama, “Nash Bridges,” co-starring Don Johnson.

And on the big screen, Cheech became a bonafide movie star.

Machete / 20th century fox

Cheech’s voiceover work has been showcased in colossal Disney hits like “The Lion King,” “Cars,” and “Oliver & Company” to name a few. But what demonstrates his range most is his performance in “Born in East L.A”  the ways he’s featured fellow Latino, Robert Rodriguez’s films like “Desperado,” “From Dusk Till Dawn,” and “Machete.”

Now, things have come full circle as a reunited Cheech & Chong continue to perform together.

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Tonight in Freeport, TX

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CBS News reports that Cheech & Chong got the band back together in 2008. Cheech says, “We came to the conclusion we don’t have to love or hate each other…” But is the chemistry still there after two decades apart? Well, they are currently on tour, so go get some tickets and find out for yourself!

Most recently, Cheech wrote a memoir called, ‘Cheech Is Not My Real Name… But Don’t Call Me Chong!’

In the book, the comedy icon covers everything from his success with Cheech & Chong, to after the comedy duo split up, and what it was like achieving acclaim as a solo act. He opens up about his experience as the face of the recreational drug movement, and even reveals how he first met Tommy Chong while dodging the draft in Canada. Check it out at!

[H/T] CBS NEWS: “Cheech” Marin talks new book, reuniting with Chong

READ: This Article Would Be Better If It Were Written In Colombia Because I’m Funnier When I’m Drunk

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