bad hombres

Here’s How A Small Get-Together Turns Into A House Party

Christina Henderson / mitu

We’ve all thrown house parties. They usually happen by accident when the right combo of friends desmadrosos showed up with a banging playlist and a few cans of beer. Somehow those beer cans multiplied and so did the people. It ended with all your “friends” sneaking off, while you suffered your parents’ wrath, wondering how the house turned into such a mess. Here are a few ways that explain how your small kickback turned into a full-on house party.

Your parents went out and left you in charge. You were left as the man of the house.

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Getting responsibilities is a rite of passage. Unfortunately, so is being irresponsible.

Your parents told you not to have anyone over. But then  you remembered who’s in charge.

CREDIT: Saved By The Bell / NBC / savedbythebellsabrina / Tumblr

You’ve heard the saying, “With great power comes great responsibility.” However, you may never get this chance again, so it’s your responsibility to take full advantage of it.

So, you invited a few friends to come by.

CREDIT: The Hangover / Warner Bros. / heyyaforever / Tumblr

Nothing crazy. People your parents know, the usual friends you hung around with.

But then they invited some friends over, too.

HQmvideo / YouTube

No big deal. The more the merrier, right?

And then their friends invited more friends over.

The Simpsons / FOX

It’s packed like Grand Central Station during the holidays, except nobody’s leaving, and it’s starting to smell like a Snoop Dogg concert.

Pretty soon, word got out, and everybody started showing up.

World War Z / Paramount Pictures

People that you’ve never even met before are raiding your refrigerator, eating mom’s leftovers. They’re helping themselves to your dad’s liquor cabinet and putting their feet up on your mom’s couch. It’s anarchy!

Before you knew it, you were the accidental host of a full-on house party.

Vevo-DUCK / YouTube

Things are officially out of hand. There’s people everywhere and the music is way too loud. If the neighbors don’t alert the cops, that call is gonna come from inside the house, because you gotta stop this.

You wanted to tell everyone to leave, but then that girl you like showed up.

seilor30 / YouTube

You didn’t even think she knew your name. Yet, there she was… in your living room. Your life has become the plot to every coming-of-age classic movie where the good guy gets the girl. Go for it, you crazy bastard!

So, you ignored the chaos and slid into ‘cool host’ mode.

Addams Family Values /  Paramount Pictures

You “suave” it up on the fly, and surprisingly, things go well enough that she actually takes you up on your offer to give her “the tour.” Maybe everything’s gonna be fine…

But, then someone breaks something…

Saturday Night Live / NBC

It might as well have been your neck that got broken, because when your parents find the coffee table destroyed., they’re gonna kill you.

…And it’s time to freak out.

Portlandia / IFC

Everything isn’t gonna be fine. Not even close. This is when you see the stains in the rug and the cigarette burns on the furniture. You’re gonna need a time machine to reverse this nightmare.

Everybody has to GTFO.

Lopez / TV Land

You’re like riot cop, screaming at a revolting mob. You’re directing human cattle towards the exits as people you’ve never met before knock framed pictures off the wall and call you a buzzkill on their way out.

Then you tried to speed-clean before your parents got home…

SpongeBob SquarePants / Nickelodeon

Even if you could clean it, you don’t have the time. You’re screwed.

But, you weren’t fast enough, and they busted you. Hard.

South Park / Comedy Central

The looks on their faces still haunt your nightmares.

Afterwards, you were grounded for so long that you never thought you’d leave your room…

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre / Warner Bros.

The only time your parents let you out was to go to church or family functions. The rest of your time was spent chiseling notches into your bedroom wall like a prisoner logs days in solitary confinement.

… But, when you’re a kid, that’s what you do.

TheBeastieBoysVEVO / YouTube

If you don’t push boundaries, you’ll never know how far you can go. Every inch is necessary to eventually establish yourself as an adult in your parents’ eyes. Go for broke, you crazy bastard!

READ: 7 Ways Your Big Brother Ruined Your Life And Made You Into The Man You Are Today

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Want Superpowers? Here's What You Should Think About Before Saying Yes

bad hombres

Want Superpowers? Here’s What You Should Think About Before Saying Yes

Christina Henderson / mitu

Every comic book fan has heard that great power comes with great responsibility, but what if it doesn’t? Not everybody that gets bit by a radioactive spider is gonna wanna use their powers for good. Here’s what happens when good powers go bad.

1) Invisibility.

Christina Henderson / mitu

Go ahead and try to come up with one benefit of being invisible that doesn’t make you at least a high-level creeper. We’ll wait… *forever goes by* Look, the only reason anybody would want to be invisible is so they can do something sneaky.

2) Super Strength.

Happy Gilmore / Universal Pictures

STRONG GUY: “I’m super strong.”

ME: “Are you bullet proof?”

STRONG GUY: “No. But, I’m really strong.”

ME: “Okay, then… wanna help me move?”

3) Flight.

Rick and Morty / Adult Swim

Wings do not a bird-man make. WIRED reported on the impracticalities of the cumbersome wingspan and strength required for flight at great scientific length. Also, you’d need a full-body feather suit to insulate your body or you won’t survive the steep temperatures of the air up there.

4) The Ability To Communicate With Fish.

Finding Nemo / Disney

This makes sense if you want to work at Sea World — but if that’s the case, a better superpower for you would be compassion. You know how badly they treat the fish there. What are you, a monster?! All fish probably ever say is “stop tapping on the glass, a-hole!”

5) Hear Other People’s Thoughts.

TFC.info

If you’re creepy enough to wanna know what everybody else is thinking, you can probably guess already that everyone thinks you stink. No one likes a nosey Nate, and there’s nothing heroic about eavesdropping, so mind your own bee’s wax, dude.

6) Shape-shift.

michaeljacksonVEVO / YouTube

At best, changing your appearance to look like someone else isn’t a very honest thing to do. At worst, maybe you have body issues. Anyway, what’s wrong with being yourself? I’m sure you’re a fine somebody. The only thing you need to change is your self-esteem, little brother.

7) Teleportation.

Lost In The West / Nickelodeon

If you paid attention during the graduation speech at your online college, you’d know that Ralph Waldo Emerson said “life’s a journey, not a destination.” There’s no scenic route when you teleport, so you’ll shave time off the ETA, but you’ll miss the beautiful adventure of living.

8) Super Speed.

EXTRA / Warner Bros.

You run fast, but have you ever asked yourself why? I mean, what are you running from, really? Is it your father or the feelings of inadequacy you feel from every kind of relationship? This is technically a superpower, but it’s also a super cry for help.

9) Green Lantern’s Power Ring.

Green Lantern: The Animated Series / Warner Bros.

A jewelry-based superpower? What are you, a Kardashian?

10) Breathing underwater.

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It’s a great party trick, but unless you’re going for the Guinness World Record, it’s pretty pointless. Dry land might not be a myth, but the idea that breathing underwater is a superpower is. Unless you can talk to fish, this one has no upside.

11) Being able to turn into an animal.

Die Antwoord / YouTube

Turning into an animal only makes sense if say… I dunno… you wanna hook up with one. What are we even talking about?

In the end, it’s not the superpowers that make you a superhero, it’s the way you use them.

GF LUZ / YouTube

El Chapulin Colorado was a Superman parody that was more agile than a turtle, stronger than a mouse, and nobler than lettuce. He wasn’t super, but he was definitely a hero.

READ: Here’s A List Of Things That Take Away Your Manhood

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