bad hombres

Here’s How A Small Get-Together Turns Into A House Party

We’ve all thrown house parties. They usually happen by accident when the right combo of friends desmadrosos showed up with a banging playlist and a few cans of beer. Somehow those beer cans multiplied and so did the people. It ended with all your “friends” sneaking off, while you suffered your parents’ wrath, wondering how the house turned into such a mess. Here are a few ways that explain how your small kickback turned into a full-on house party.

Your parents went out and left you in charge. You were left as the man of the house.

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Getting responsibilities is a rite of passage. Unfortunately, so is being irresponsible.

Your parents told you not to have anyone over. But then  you remembered who’s in charge.

CREDIT: Saved By The Bell / NBC / savedbythebellsabrina / Tumblr

You’ve heard the saying, “With great power comes great responsibility.” However, you may never get this chance again, so it’s your responsibility to take full advantage of it.

So, you invited a few friends to come by.

CREDIT: The Hangover / Warner Bros. / heyyaforever / Tumblr

Nothing crazy. People your parents know, the usual friends you hung around with.

But then they invited some friends over, too.

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No big deal. The more the merrier, right?

And then their friends invited more friends over.

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It’s packed like Grand Central Station during the holidays, except nobody’s leaving, and it’s starting to smell like a Snoop Dogg concert.

Pretty soon, word got out, and everybody started showing up.

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People that you’ve never even met before are raiding your refrigerator, eating mom’s leftovers. They’re helping themselves to your dad’s liquor cabinet and putting their feet up on your mom’s couch. It’s anarchy!

Before you knew it, you were the accidental host of a full-on house party.

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Things are officially out of hand. There’s people everywhere and the music is way too loud. If the neighbors don’t alert the cops, that call is gonna come from inside the house, because you gotta stop this.

You wanted to tell everyone to leave, but then that girl you like showed up.

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You didn’t even think she knew your name. Yet, there she was… in your living room. Your life has become the plot to every coming-of-age classic movie where the good guy gets the girl. Go for it, you crazy bastard!

So, you ignored the chaos and slid into ‘cool host’ mode.

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You “suave” it up on the fly, and surprisingly, things go well enough that she actually takes you up on your offer to give her “the tour.” Maybe everything’s gonna be fine…

But, then someone breaks something…

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It might as well have been your neck that got broken, because when your parents find the coffee table destroyed., they’re gonna kill you.

…And it’s time to freak out.

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Everything isn’t gonna be fine. Not even close. This is when you see the stains in the rug and the cigarette burns on the furniture. You’re gonna need a time machine to reverse this nightmare.

Everybody has to GTFO.

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You’re like riot cop, screaming at a revolting mob. You’re directing human cattle towards the exits as people you’ve never met before knock framed pictures off the wall and call you a buzzkill on their way out.

Then you tried to speed-clean before your parents got home…

SpongeBob SquarePants / Nickelodeon

Even if you could clean it, you don’t have the time. You’re screwed.

But, you weren’t fast enough, and they busted you. Hard.

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The looks on their faces still haunt your nightmares.

Afterwards, you were grounded for so long that you never thought you’d leave your room…

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The only time your parents let you out was to go to church or family functions. The rest of your time was spent chiseling notches into your bedroom wall like a prisoner logs days in solitary confinement.

… But, when you’re a kid, that’s what you do.

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If you don’t push boundaries, you’ll never know how far you can go. Every inch is necessary to eventually establish yourself as an adult in your parents’ eyes. Go for broke, you crazy bastard!

READ: 7 Ways Your Big Brother Ruined Your Life And Made You Into The Man You Are Today

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Artist Ugly Primo Threw A Party In Los Angeles Featuring His Iconic Work

Entertainment

Artist Ugly Primo Threw A Party In Los Angeles Featuring His Iconic Work

uglyprimo / Instagram

Ugly Primo has been capturing Latino pop culture moments in his vivid illustrations since early 2018, illustrating the “Suavamente” Elvis Crespo into fabric softener and Cardi B as a “Farti B cushion.” While we have no idea what Ugly Primo looks like, since he hides behind an actual cholo puppet, we know that, for the first time ever, Ugly Primo showcased his work.

Ugly Primo invited everyone to the Primos Playhouse to, well, party. Ugly Primo’s Instagram bio has long advertised himself as a “retired quinceañera DJ,” and people finally got to hear him spin. After DJ sets by J Valentino, 2DEEP, Mija Doris, and Brü, the puppet, or the man behind the puppet, took to the stage. Best of all: it was free.

Of course, Ugly Primo’s version of a gallery was called a Playhouse, so you know it was fun.

Credit: @uglyprimo / Twitter

Held in downtown Los Angeles, a free DJ event with dope art is my kind of night. Our favorite primo tweeted that, “There will be exclusive merch, art installations, music by some friends, and drinks for my 21+ borrachos. Hope to see you there!”

Ugly Primo is kind of *excellent* at creating unique merch.

Credit: @uglyprimo / Twitter

It seems like the world’s coolest puppet is pretty close with San Benito, and worked with the trapetero to create on-brand chanclas for Bad Bunny fans. They’re reportedly too holy to be weaponized for the chanclazo. You may have seen Ugly Primo’s art on up-and-coming artist Cuco Puffs’s most recent album cover, too. It’s weird how Ugly Primo is everywhere, but nobody has seen him.

Ugly Primo might just be our favorite primo after the artwork he’s gifted us this last year alone.

Credit: @uglyprimo / Instagram

During the height of Nio Garcia, Ozuna, Darrel, Nicky Jam, Casper Magico and Bad Bunny’s “Te Bote” classic, Ugly Primo blessed America with an auspicious illustration. In an effort to motivate his fans to get out and vote, he released an image of a very orange Donald Trump at a podium stickered with “Yo voté,” followed by a “Te bote” stamp of disapproval. His blessing on the midterms did give us Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. We need more illustrations, Primo.

If only a Mercado de mucho, mucho amor existed.

Credit: @uglyprimo / Instagram

Internationally-acclaimed astrologer Walter Mercado may have passed earlier this week, but he’s been long honored by Ugly Primo. For Mercado’s haters, they love the idea that his predictions and, “sobre todo, mucho, mucho amor” was up for sale. For everyone else, we loved what Mercado was selling – his genderless fashion sense and exuberant love for his fans.

When Cumbia legend Celso Piña passed, he was immortalized in vibrant colors as well.

Credit: @uglyprimo / Instagram

The cumbia artist, known as El Rebelde del acordeón, passed on August 21 at just 66 years old from a heart attack. The Mexican accordionist pioneered a fusion of tropical salsa sounds with cumbia and regional mexicano.

When Cardi B was freely expressing her flatulence on the ‘gram, Ugly Primo immortalized the pop culture moment.

Credit: @uglyprimo / Instagram

“Farti B is steaming hot. Swipe for some 💨💨💨,” Ugly Primo captioned his June edition to his works, alongside a hilarious anthology of Cardi B’s most recent fart sprees. “Damn, I farted but that was a very low fart, so y’all can’t hear it. It’s one of those farts that like, they don’t really stink, it’s just air,” Cardi told her Instagram fans back in June 2019. “I gotta fart so bad. I’m about to air it out. I farted, I farted, I farted, I farted,” Cardi said. “Oh it STANK. You smell it, Ashley? It’s gonna hit you though. You smell it?” she asked, cackling.

Ugly Primo has helped us envision a world made for Latinos, here in America.

@uglyprimo / Instagram

Ugly Primo’s artistry is embedded in Latinizing mainstream items, like slapping “Tigers of the North” on a box of frosted flakes, with a guitar playing tiger and more. We get to imagine what a Trader Jose’s might look like, and even though Los Angeles is plentiful with Hispanic grocer’s, Ugly Primo uses the brand recall of a national chain to make that experience feel like the true cornerstone of American identity that it is. We belong here. We’re not going anywhere.

LA, if you’re looking for a party, it’s at the Primo Playhouse.

@uglyprimo / Instagram

Let’s show Ugly Primo all our support, hope we meet Ugly Primo in the felt (or flesh, let’s be real) and see what “exclusive merch” he’s drawn up for us.

READ: Ugly Primo Is One Latino Artist Everyone Who Loves Pop Culture Should Know About

His Parents Gave Him A Dream Come True With His Very Own Costco Birthday Party And We Have Serious FOMO

Culture

His Parents Gave Him A Dream Come True With His Very Own Costco Birthday Party And We Have Serious FOMO

armando_loves_costco / Instagram

We all know the wonders of Costco. Everything you might ever need is available in mass. Who doesn’t love buying three gallons of salsa and pounds of tortilla chips? Well, one little boy named Armando took it to the next level by hosting a birthday party at the Costco in Norwalk, California. The Costco location closed its food court to host the little man’s special birthday. This is one of the greatest things you will see on the internet today and you’re welcome.

Armando knew that his fourth birthday could only take place at one place: Costco.

Credit: armando_loves_costco / Instagram

Like, OMG! How did we not get invited to this party? So many people have memories of wandering around Costco with mami y papi for hours. Obviously, the best part of the trips was always free samples everywhere.

Of course, he had his own Costco employee outfit because, duh.

Credit: armando_loves_costco / Instagram

Legit, this is the greatest Halloween costume in case you need some inspo. Everyone will recognize you and Costco fans will love it. If you have any costume contests coming up, give this a try.

Every party guest got a very special name tag.

Credit: armando_loves_costco / Instagram

It is important to pay attention to details and this family spared no expense when it came to celebrating their little man’s special day.

The party included some fun and challenging activities, like guessing the price of items in Costco.

A true test of knowledge and appreciation. Who thinks they would be able to win this game? Costco is one of the greatest establishments for Latino families. We know we all have big families and Costco has been a lifesaver for us.

Of course, there was a piñata.

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Broke my custom @costco piñata 🙌🏼

A post shared by Armando E. Martinez (@armando_loves_costco) on

That’s right. They bought Armando a custom Costco piñata and we are all screaming. What a treasure for this boy. And, tbh, this family seems a lot nicer about letting him hit the piñata than ours were.

Just look at how happy all of the party guests are celebrating at Costco.

Credit: armando_loves_costco / Instagram

Looks like the conga line is still a thing, folks. No matter how long it’s been since we had a birthday party like this, the conga line will never die.

Now, Armando is not a fair-weather Costco fan.

Credit: armando_loves_costco

His Instagram account is named after his love for the chain store. He clearly likes to spend time at his local Costco and his love for the store is something we can all relate to.

Like, he would clearly make it home if he could.

Credit: armando_loves_costco / Instagram

Literally, same. There is nothing you can’t find at Costco and this little one is already years ahead of his peers with his appreciation of the bulk store.

Happy birthday, Armando!

Credit: armando_loves_costco / Instagram

This is one birthday party everyone should be talking about.

READ: An Instagram Influencer And Actress Threw A Mexican-Themed Birthday For Her Daughter And Her Fans Are Divided