bad hombres

We Photoshopped Movie Posters With Chanclas, Because Why Not?

Disclaimer: Chancla jokes are the hackiest trope in Latino comedy. We know they can be looked down upon as embarrassing as puns. But sometimes you can’t help it! It’s something that gave us years of trauma and now finally we can look back and laugh how ridiculous that fear was. With that said, please enjoy how I’ve shamelessly shoehorned a chancla spin to classic movie titles that had nothing to do with your mom or abuelita until I ruined them.

Willy Wonka & The Chancla Factory

Willy-Chancla-and-the-Chancla-Factory
Credit: Christina Henderson

Based on “Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory,” only none of the kids make it to the end of the tour in this version. Finding a golden ticket to the chancla factory is a just a metaphor, but it’s redeemable for a lifetime supply of beatings from abuela.

C For Chancala

C-for-Chancla

Credit: Christina Henderson

Same plot as “V For Vendetta,” but starring your abuela. Stand up and be crushed beneath the oppressive might of her chancletas.

Chanclalat

Chanclalat
Credit: Christina Henderson

I haven’t even seen “Chocolat,” the movie this brilliant pun is based on, but I imagine it’s about a couple that eats chocolate. Like, a lot. So much that the whole premise centers around a competitive eating contest and the subsequent battle with diabetes. Anyway, in the chancla version, the couple eats chanclas instead. It’s insane. People should definitely not eat footwear. Controversial, I know, but that’s my stance on that.

Fifty Shades of Chancla

Fifty-Shades-of-Chancla
Credit: Christina Henderson

Not as sexy as the movie based on the book, “Fifty Shades of Grey,” but it has a similar premise: pain for pleasure. A guy who gets turned on by pain, purposely doesn’t finish his enchilada in front of his abuela. Beatings ensue and wackiness follows.

Chanclabusters

Chanclabusters
Credit: Christina Henderson

Poltergeists are the vengeful spirits of abuelas who’ve died because you threw away food instead of putting it in the Tupperware. This movie would be a lot like “Ghostbusters,” only scarier.

Chanclub

Chanclub

Credit: Christina Henderson

The first rule of Chanclub is: You do not talk about Chanclub. The second rule of Chanclub is: You do not talk about Chanclub. Third rule of Chanclub is: Well, you get it. It’s a club you can’t talk about. It’s like “Fight Club,” but in the end, the twist is… (SPOILERS!) You were abuela the WHOLE time!

Chanclas

Chanclas

Credit: Christina Henderson

Way scarier than “Jaws.” Just when you thought it was safe to go tip toe back home at 3 a.m., you remember there’s a chancla waiting to be thrown at you for missing curfew.

The Chancleta

The-Chancleta

Credit: Christina Henderson

The Godfather” is very different if you imagine everyone dies from chanclas instead of guns. Okay, maybe not “different,” but definitely weirder and somehow more violent.

Chanclanator

Chanclanator
Credit: Christina Henderson

In this “Terminator” ripoff, abuela has traveled back in time to punish you for going out on Good Friday. It’s up to a robot that was inexplicably programmed with an Austrian accent to save you with a fish sandwich before you eat meat instead.

You get the point: Chancla in the title without rhyme or reason…

Chancleta-Park
Credit: Christina Henderson

This “Jurassic Park” one is it. That’s all I got. It took everything in me not to do another…

Oh, no — I lied!

American-Chancla
Credit: Christina Henderson

Okay. This “America Beauty” one really is the last one. I promise. It’s not even a pun. And, it kind of ruins this whole thing. I just wanted to do it because I’m a monster. Anyway, don’t let that stop you from getting in on the fun! If you’re savvy with Photoshop or really know your way around MS Paint, here’s some movie posters I wanted to make but didn’t have the guts:

“Chancla La Land,” “Casachancla,” “A Chancla Named Desire,” “X-Men: Achanclalypse,” “The Secret Lives of Chanclas,” “Glengarry Glen Chancla,” “The Man from C.H.A.N.C.L.A.

READ: 9 Things About You That Prove You Were A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle When You Were A Kid

If there are any movie titles you’d like to see ruined by chancla puns, leave a comment! Tag your friends or hit the share button below!

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This Man Gives Women A Taste Of Their Own Medicine By Ditching His Dates With The Bill

bad hombres

This Man Gives Women A Taste Of Their Own Medicine By Ditching His Dates With The Bill

New Girl / Fox / CBS Los Angeles / YouTube

CBSLA reports that there’s a guy using dating apps to troll women — but not in the way you’d think. Once he matches up with them, he arranges to meet at a nice restaurant where he chows down and then stiffs his date with the bill. You might say he’s a monster, but I’d like to point out that women have been using this move forever. Turnabout is fair play and maybe this handsome guy is the 44-year-old hero we need.

Our hero’s name is Paul — or Dave, because aliases, am I right?

Screen Shot 2017-03-21 at 7.42.02 PM
CBS LA

A string of women who prefer to remain anonymous have him in their phones as “Paul Gonzales,” but the alleged “dine-and-dasher” played his romantic hand at online dating apps like Bumble under the name “Dave Gonzales.” I don’t have the facts, but I think he wrestled in the ’90s as Giant Gonzales, and while the jury’s still out on that, let’s agree that when the bill comes, he runs like Usain Bolt.

He meets women online or via dating apps…

Lopez / TVLand

“Are you available at all this weekend for dinner?” says nice guy, Paul/Dave, just putting himself out there, according to one of the unidentified women who ran to CBS Los Angeles to snitch. She went on to say that as she read through her text conversation, she expected it would be just a “typical blind date,” so what happened completely surprised her — but if I know women, and I do, they love surprises.

And arranges to meet them at fancy nice restaurants BJ’s

SNL / NBC

He immediately ordered a “glass of Pinot, a Caesar salad with a side of shrimp, a steak, and a baked potato,” claims another jilted woman who’s probably not used to being the one who pays. She carried on that as soon as he finished stuffing his face, he got on his phone and said, “I need to take this.” I believe women call that the “My Roommate Really Needs Me Right Now,” a move so popular there are apps that actually set fake incoming calls for you.

But when he’s done eating, he sneaks out and leaves his dates to pick up the bill.

Lopez / TVLand

He never returns from taking that “phone call,” but, he does facilitate new budding romances between the heartbroken women he ditches and members of the concerned kitchen staff by forcing them to engage one another in sort of an awkward, but courteously, well-meaning, victim-shaming:

Server: “He’s not out there, is this a first date?”

Jilted Date: “Yes, this is a first blind date.”

Server: “He’s gone.”

If the server plays his cards right, he can swoop in and take this girl home.

American Hustle / Sony Pictures

Ah, the old “good cop/bad cop” act. Gonzales sets these servers up to just lay it in. Her self-esteem’s at an all-time low and if she can’t pay the check, she’s either washing dishes or relying on the kindness of strangers — which is how she got into this situation in the first place.



[H/T] Do You Know This Man? Dine-And-Dash Dater Strikes Again In Los Angeles

READ: ’69’ And Other Ways Sex Has Done A Number On Me

If you’ve dined-and-ditched or had it happen to you, leave a comment! Share this story with someone who needs it by tapping that little share button below!