bad hombres

’69’ And Other Ways Sex Has Done A Number On Me

t.germeau/matt northam/flickr

We can all agree that sex is awesome — until it gets boring. Even if your partner’s the hottest person on Earth, routines develop, and before long you both want to mix things up in the bedroom. The Kama Sutra, a guidebook of sex positions, is a great way to inject spice into your love life, but it’s not for beginners. Exercise caution or you could end up injuring each other… I’ve got the third degree burns to prove it.

One time, a girl suggested we try the “standing 69.” It was fine for a while until…

WWE

She dropped me on my head. Thinking back, we could have been doing it wrong… Either way, it’s all fun and games until the Undertaker shows up and starts tombstoning everybody.

Another time, I rubbed a girl down with the porn industry standard amount of lube.

jlo
Jennifer Lopez/Vevo

She almost drowned, and I ended up being allergic to it. When she noticed that my hands and penis were swollen, she was terrified — I mean, not so terrified that she wanted me to stop, but as soon as we finished, she had to drive me to the hospital.

Role-playing is a sure way to deliver the goods while they’re still hot. ?

BIG-SAUSAGE-PIZZA-V2
Bigsausagepizza/Giphy

She was a bored housewife craving a pizza with extra salchichón, but was low on cash. I was a morally flexible delivery man with a plan for how we could “work something out.” Standard porn setup — except it was real life. I got grease burns on my chorizo and now suffer PTSD symptoms whenever I see a Papa John’s commercials.

Remember: if at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

With the right partner and the right attitude, you’ll find what works. Wear a helmet, use protection, and keep those EMTs on speed dial. Tell them I sent you and they’ll give a discount on every third concussion. ? ?



READ: Here’s How You Can Give Her The Best V-Day Gift Without Spending A Dime

Rey Mysterio, Triple H And Other Wrestling Stars Pay Respects To Chavo Guerrero Sr.

bad hombres

Rey Mysterio, Triple H And Other Wrestling Stars Pay Respects To Chavo Guerrero Sr.

Rockrims69/youtube/wwe/twitter

Latino sports icon and legendary wrestler Chavo Guerrero Sr. passed away this weekend following a battle with liver cancer. Born Salvador Guerrero III on January 7, 1949 and raised in El Paso, Texas, Chavo was a part of the Guerrero wrestling dynasty, which was started by his father, lucha libre star Salvador “Gory” Guerrero. Chavo Sr.’s son, Chavo Jr., made a name for himself in World Championship Wrestling (WCW) as well as the WWE, along with Eddie Guerrero, Chavo Sr.’s younger brother.

Chavo Guerrero Sr.’s death was announced by his son, Chavo Guerrero, Jr., on Instagram.


Chavo Jr. memorialized his father on Instagram with a heartfelt message: “Today the world lost a true rebel. He did things “HIS” way. Not always right, not always wrong, but He always followed what he believed in.”

The legacy of Chavo Guerrero Sr. began before he was even born.

The oldest of lucha libre pioneer Gory Guerrero’s six children, Chavo Sr. was born into the professional wrestling business as a premiere member of one of the most famous families in the sport. Chavo and his brothers Héctor and Mando, and the late WWE Hall of Famer Eddie Guerrero all followed in their father’s footsteps.

Chavo Sr. even inherited his father’s finishing move, the Gory Special, as his own.

Credit: WWE

The Gory Special has been used by countless wrestlers to torture their opponents. Here we see CM Punk applying it to Rey Mysterio, who’s lucky it’s not being done by Chavo Guerrero Sr. instead.

In 1970, Chavo Sr. made his professional debut.

Animated GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
Credit: Rockrims69/youtube

Often teaming with his brothers, Mando and Héctor, he achieved success in tag-teams, but would also leave his mark as a solo competitor.

With a career that spanned over four decades, he was always relevant and an innovator.

He was a 15-time champion in the NWA Hollywood Wrestling territory, but would eventually compete as “Chavo Classic” in WWE, where he holds the distinction of being the oldest superstar to win the original Cruiserweight Championship.

As recently as 2016, Chavo Sr. was still making an impact in the ring.

Animated GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
Credit: El Rey Network/Lucha Underground/Youtube

Chavo Sr. participated in a feud between his son, Chavo Jr., and Rey Mysterio which culminated in the “Loser Leaves Lucha” match that effectively ended the televised careers of both Guerreros in “Lucha Underground.”

Since Chavo’s passing, the wrestling world took to social media to mourn the loss of the beloved trailblazer.


Wrestlers young and old have expressed their condolences.


The Iron Sheik, who used the “camel clutch” maneuver invented by Gory Guerrero, paid his respects.


Fellow Texan and 5-time champion Booker T. wrote:


“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan also paid his respects online.


The industry honored Chavo Guerrero Sr. as well.


He was a hero all over the world.


He inspired generations of wrestlers, like Rey Mysterio…


…Triple H…


…Lillian Garcia…


…and The Miz.


Chavo Guerrero Sr. will live on in our hearts and memories, aided by this song: “The Legend of Chavo Guerrero” by The Mountain Goats

Credit: Merge Records/Youtube

Rest In Peace, Chavo Sr.


READ: Eddie Guerrero was Much More than Just a WWE Superstar