You Know You’re Becoming Your Father When You Start Going Through These During Games
When your team makes it to the playoffs – so do you, kinda. If they’re winning, you feel the highs, but when they’re losing, you tailspin right alongside them. Here are the five stages die-hard sports fans experience when their teams mess up during playoffs.
Please god, this can’t be happening. You tell yourself lies. They could go for a three and get fouled which would force an overtime and…who am I kidding? All we have to do is score an unprecedented 34 points in the final 2 minutes. The whole world is against us. The refs must’ve been paid off.
Your accent comes out. You’re yelling in Spanish and making everyone uncomfortable. You start ripping your fathead posters off the walls while cursing a plague on the the houses of your team’s GM. You threaten to cancel your sports packages and you’ve been furiously tweeting at the players while they’re playing the game on TV, demanding hustle. You created a menacing Reddit account and you’re not afraid to use it. What have you become?!
Are you there, God? It’s me, a fan whose only sin is loving his team too much. What’s it gonna take to pull out a win? I’ll donate blood. I’ll go back to church. I’ll start talking to my kids again. As much as it pains me, I will pay the refs off myself!
If you haven’t already walked out of your apartment and into traffic, you’re probably slumped over and with the TV on mute as confetti rains on your enemies. You look at your team jerseys in the trash and remember your dad went through this for years leading up to when your mom divorced him.
The calm after the storm. You’re not burning collectibles or having the tattoos of your team’s mascot removed. You’re mourning in a healthy way. And the refs are probably decent people just trying to make a living in this dog-eat-dog world. All is forgiven. Besides, you need to squeeze in some quality time with the fam before the season starts up again next fall.
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